Why does my boyfriend like to search and save pictures of girls with big asses and big boobs? (Opposites of my body shape)?

[Anonymous]

The first time I saw these kind of pictures on my boyfriend's phone was last December; he even put this girls big butt as his wallpaper. I was so sad and asked him why he'd do such a thing and he said he just did it for no reason. He then deleted the pictures. Just last month, I was visiting him and I saw that he had saved another picture of a girl with big ass and boobs, I didn't say anything but I was once again very hurt. The following day I was browsing his pictures again and realised that he had deleted that picture (not knowing I had already seen it), I then asked him about it and he didn't say anything that made sense to me, I told him not to hide stuff from me, and not hide who he really is cause I want to know all of him. The reason I don't like what he's doing is because I'm nothing like those girls. I'm tallish (5'7), skinny but very healthy, 32C , breasts, medium sized butt. I love my body shape; it makes clothes look good on me, so I wouldn't say I don't like it cause I'm insecure about my own body. This is hurting my feelings really bad, maybe it wouldn't be so bad if the girls he was looking at had a body shape similar to mine; I don't know. My question is, what am I supposed to do about this. Why is he doing this? Why is he with me if that's the type of girls he's into? We've been dating for a year and two months. He's 22 and I'm 21. I brought this up again to him while we were chatting online. He said he's stupid and that we've dealt with this before, when I asked him what I am supposed to feel or do he said 'We've gone through this, and if it's still bugging you, then I'm saying do what youu have to do about it'...I haven't replied. I think I'm angry right now.

[AlexG]

Seems there are a lot of differing opinions on here. Just my 2cents here but to me that's ridiculous for you to "accept" something that you clearly stated as disrespectful. Obviously guys like different body types and your boyfriend might enjoy viewing some of those types from time to time, but why bypass something that you feel that strongly about. There's no way your (emphasis on your) boyfriend should have his phone littered with other women, boobs and butts and all. That's not something you adjust to that's clearly disrespectful. Everybody has thoughts or images in their head about the opposite sex from time to time but be damn glad that those are images are inside ur head and not on paper or on a screen somewhere, nobody could maintain a relationship. That's basically what he's doing, keeping stills of other women for wallpaper on a device he probably sees 50 times a day. Who knows maybe you will be able to accept it one day, but ask yourself should that be "acceptable" behavior?

[kevsan]

Do nothing about it. He is doing this because he is a boy and he is repressed because of the manner in which he has been raised. I don't believe he wants to be with someone like that or for you to be like that. It is just a strange quirk of his, and much of male humanity's programming. I think the best thing you can do is ignore it. Don't feel jealous at all. Try to be naturally open with him physically and mentally. Just hope for his sake that the current obsession dissipates soon. It may take a lifetime. This is the strength of the well-meaning damage that was caused to him in his childhood. You need to think deeply about it and try to break the cycle. It is no reflection on you whatsoever.

[Asker]

I selected your answer as most helpful cause it was, but there's parts I don't understand. Please clarify for me what you mean when you say: ''Try to be naturally open with him physically and mentally. Just hope for his sake that the current obsession dissipates soon. It may take a lifetime. This is the strength of the well-meaning damage that was caused to him in his childhood.'' Tha

[Asker]

Thanks

[kevsan]

Try to be uninhibited. Not shy. Not secretive. Not jealous. Not inquisitive. It's hard to be, and to explain. We must hope he grows out of this boob fixation, as soon as possible. Then I pointed out that you can see how bad the damage is, by how hard it will be for him to overcome it. Basically each of us is burdened with crap by our parents, our teachers etc. Everybody who has been allowed to influence us. Your role is to teach him about himself. Dont blame him for it.

[Asker]

Nice, thank you man! :)

[Ildskf]

If my BF did that I'd be so pissed...and may consider breaking up it's disrespectful to you. I'm not telling you to break up with him...but if he keeps doing something that hurts your feelings then it doesn't seem like he's taking you into consideration. I read a lot of what the guys said...that it's normal...it sounds like maybe he is a bit immature. Maybe this will pass when he gets older. I can tell you that not every guy does that. My BF has had a picture of my butt as his wallpaper...but if it was another womans that would be out of line. He should be happy with what he has and I'm sure you have a wonderful body...it sounds perfect and I'd kill to have the extra height (I'm only 5'4").

[Asker]

Thank you for answering, I've been dying to hear what girls think about all this. Based on the answers I got from the guys I concluded that I will accept it, and just told him right now that I will. I hope I had gotten more answers from girls. Cause I was (still am) very confused about this issue and this site was my last resort on top of that; my bf was not being helpful at all. I'm a bit worried that I communicated something I won't be able to live by to him. I don't know.

[Afonsoasl]

You must love him soooo much to consider breaking up because he downloaded a picture of a butt, so so much.

[Asker]

Yes. I love him that much.

[biggie90]

Seriously breaking up just because he has pictures of other girls? Your insecure you probably check out other dudes too.

[rthomas43]

lldskf, when you say "not every guy does that:, are you referring to looking p*rn or lewd images, or are you just referring to him rocking another girls picture as his wallpaper?

[Ildskf]

I meant rocking others girls pic as wallpaper...I think thats just taking it a step too far...and its not even about that...my issue is the fact that she told him she didn't like it but he kept doing it anyways...I think most guys would drop it or be more discreet at least if they knew it bothered their loved one.

[rthomas43]

In that case, I whole heartedly agree with you =]

[Ildskf]

Thanks rthomas43...and biggie90, thats my opinion, there is no need for you to reprimand me, and for the record...no I do not check out other men...I only have eyes for my BF...whether or not you can understand that shows a lot.

[moneylabi]

I'm a guy, and we all guys can admit to being funny at times. He really might not have anything or reason behind it, probably it caught his fancy as something that'll look great as a wallpaper and nothing more. I really don't think he's doing it to spite you or something. Pay no attention to it lest you lose someone special to you.

[DanAG]

You are way over reacting. Just leave him alone and stop over-thinking it. You are being very insecure. Those pictures have nothing to do with you.

"I told him not to hide stuff from me, and not hide who he really is cause I want to know all of him"

I suspect you are in a minority thinking like that. He should be allowed his private life. He doesn't need to share any more with you than he wants to. It sounds like he's avoiding the subject, so you are probably pushing him further than he wants.

[Asker]

I can't 'leave him alone', and yes I want to know everything about a guy that says he loves me, and whom I share my body with. Maybe if we didn't have a physical relationship then I would chill...I'm hurting and its not cool.

[DanAG]

It sounds like a compatibility issue. It sounds like you are expecting him to be someone that he's not. You need to accept him for who he is and love him for who he is, not for some imaginary person that you want him to be. This sounds a lot like typical girl vs guy stuff. I'm talking in general terms because it applies to some people more than others, but generally guys are a lot more private and more independent than girls. They don't spill all their feelings like girls tend to do. They tend to deal with things internally and only tell someone what they want to tell.

[Asker]

I do love him for who he is. That doesn't mean I should accept everything he does. I told him I'm not okay with not knowing what's going on in his head, heart and life, he said he'd share everything with me. I hope he was not lying cause that's very important to me. Also honesty; not hiding stuff from me is vital.

[DanAG]

Again, I think you are expecting something from him that's not a part of him. You are expecting him to be someone he's not. "not hiding stuff from me is vital" He is who he is. You have to decide if it's a deal breaker. Yes, he might be lying to you because you are pushing him past his comfort zone.

[Asker]

So you wouldn't mind if your girlfriend didn't tell you something you thought you should know? I'll wait and see if it is a deal breaker, we've only been together for a year and two months.

[DanAG]

"So you wouldn't mind if your girlfriend didn't tell you something you thought you should know?" It's her business what she tells me. If she didn't tell me something I wouldn't think anything about it. I'd shrug my shoulders and 2 seconds later completely forget about it. What I'm seeing here is one sided. You expect him to change. But you could change instead, right? You want him to care about your feelings in this. But do you care about his feelings? You are saying that your feelings are more important. I think the problem is that these are not superficial things. For both of you it's something more deep rooted, that's just a part of you. Things that are on the surface can change. But when it's just part of who you are it's not so easily changed. You are someone who wants to open up and share your feelings. That's important to you. That's just the way you "feel". Could you change that even if you wanted to? I really doubt it because it's part of who you are.

[DanAG]

On the other hand, I suspect he is someone who is not like that. He is someone more private. He probably doesn't feel the need to express all his feelings. He doesn't open up. That can't easily be changed either. That's who he is. Some things can change. But things that are just who we are don't change so easy. This isn't about leaving the toilet seat up. This is about a deeper part of you guys as a person.

[Asker]

Thanks for that. I understand you. The problem is that I do want to know anything that might affect the way I feel about him. I feel it's my right. I value honesty (including, not hiding things from each other) very much. It's not about privacy buy honesty. If he doesn't tell me that his friend is doing whatever I wouldn't care. But if he deliberately doesn't tell me something (like when he deleted that picture) it's a problem and no longer about privacy as he knows that some of his actions affect me. He shouldn't hide those actions thay affect me as privacy wouldn't be the issue; but honesty.

[DanAG]

Well he obviously feels different. I feel different as well. " It's not about privacy buy honesty." I think the exact opposite. It's not about honesty, it's about privacy. You don't respect his privacy. He obviously doesn't want to talk bout it, so stop prying. You are the one causing the problem, not him.

[Asker]

Ohk let's end here.

[Belgie]

Because the whole point of p*rn (or looking at pictures of women) is to see something that you don't see every day. YOUR body type is something he sees every day. The pictures satisfy his craving for variety.

If you eat steak every day, and you're given the chance to eat something different, you don't choose steak again. You might go for a salad. Or fish. Something that isn't steak.

[Asker]

I wish I was a guy.

[AidenBlue]

As a woman once told me 'I don't care where my man gets his appetite - as long as he eats at home'. Guys have all kinds of sexual fantasies and like to indulge them. He loves you but he may have sex fantasies your body type doesn't fix. I'd be more worried if he were seeking these girls out. A few pictures to arouse him isn't really that bad.

If a girl I'm with closes her eyes and imagines Brad Pitt pounding her from behind and has an over the top orgasm I'm all for that. Just my.02.

[paxtonfun]

Babe you are a tall goddess. I don't know what's wrong with him but if he does not stop making you feel bad about yourself - end it. His job as boyfriend is to make you feel amazing not the other way around. Maybe he's gay if he doesn't like a model type gal like you

[Asker]

:) Thanks for your answer. I wish more guys were as considerate, I mean, even if he does like that; why rub it in my face? I get angry everytime I think about it.

[rthomas43]

Greetings there, white knight. Suggesting she dump a guy for looking at lewd images? You strike me as the kind of guy that talks about how amazingly you'd treat a lady, while you would simply disrespect her without her knowing instead. Asker, correct, he has no business having anything saved on his phone.

[paxtonfun]

I'm not saying she should dump him for looking at those pics, let's face it guys watch p*rn and this is the same or less bad. However, he should be considerate and stop hurting her feelings and really take her wishes into consideration. If he can't do it now how will he do on the big issues of they get more serious. And by the way what kinda man needs pictures if he's got a bombshell like her.

[Asker]

Paxtonfun; I completely understand you. Yes I am hurting a lot, and that's not cool. I will have to talk to my boyfriend about this; Again!

[rthomas43]

I concur that he need not her feelings. I also agree that he needs to take on a more active role when it comes to helping her out when she's upset. But she also needs to accept the fact that no matter what guy she dates, he's going to watch p*rn. " what kinda man needs pictures if he's got a bombshell like her[?]" 1. When did she post a picture? 2. Have you ever been in a relationship? Did you stop watching p*rn? If a guy doesn't use p*rn, then he fantasizes some weird twisted shit up in his head instead.

[rthomas43]

You understand Paxton because he says everything that you WANT to hear.

[Asker]

Lol rthomas43 yes I never posted a picture, but I can assure you that I'm not a beast lol. Before I went to visit my bf last month I told one of my roommates that my bf wanted me to get a weave before I went to see him and not go there with my afro lol (he claims to love my natural hair). My roommate's response was that I am a 10 (compared to him), I didn't like what she said cause my bf is a 10 to me, that's why I'm dating him. Plus a lot of my friends say that I look like a model when I'm with him add he's shorter than me; but I've never felt he didn't deserve me. I'm telling you all this to clarify that I'm not a beast, and a lot of people, even some of my female lecturers ask me why I'm studying Accountacy and not model ( jokingly of course).

[Asker]

Lol rthomas43, I'm saying I understand him because I don't want to end up with someone who doesn't care about my feelings (does not trully love me)

[rthomas43]

Him caring about your feelings is definitely the most important issue here. Regardless of how insane you may be on this p*rn issue, it's his duty to comfort you when you're hurting. His lack of effort should be your concern, not what he gets off to in his spare time.

[Asker]

Yes, it's a real issue well have to talk about. I know he'll say it's my fault cause I brought up something we'd talked about (solved) and that he was angry at me for that and didn't want to talk to me :/... Then I'll have to apologise for my feelings :/ :/

[paxtonfun]

That's all I'm sayin. If you a man who loves a woman and you do something that hurts her you stop. Simple as that.

[paxtonfun]

Otherwise yous a little horny BOY

[rthomas43]

Asker, you have nothing to apologize for. You are entitled to your feelings, and he needs to support you.

[Asker]

I'll tell him that lol...'you're just a little horny BOY, I need a real man' Damn I'd feel so bad but good at the same time. I avoid being rude to him at all times, cause he's very sensitive and if I were to message him that (of course I won't) he'd get very hurt. 22 he is, should he be a boy at this age?

[rthomas43]

Paxton, that's true, unless the man isn't doing anything wrong. Have you ever been in a real relationship?

[rthomas43]

You're not going to find a single man that doesn't watch p*rn lol

[Asker]

rthoma43 are you suggesting that I'm being hurt by something that is right? Paxtonfun should educate men about how to treat a lady, or maybe I need education on how not to choose inconsiderate guys. But I never knew I'd have to deal with issues like this one. Relationships are hard. Men are hard to understand.

[rthomas43]

You being hurt is not right. However, in this particular situation, the issue is that you're upset about something that you're going to have to learn how to look past, not that he did it. If men took Paxton's advice, the world would be full of unhappy women dating doormats.

[Asker]

Thank you Thomas.

[paxtonfun]

Yeah Bro I'm a 6'4 doormat. You must be a little dude to have all those fears of being walked over. What u need to get is that love is selfless and kind it's not about testing boundaries. We ( I) ain't in HS no more!!! Girl you just do what feels right!

[rthomas43]

Being big has nothing to do with being a doormat lol I don't have fears of being walked all over. I'm in a perfectly happy relationship where my girlfriend and I both make each other happy and respect each other. Nobody said anything about testing boundaries.

[Asker]

Thanks Pax, you're awesome!

[paxtonfun]

I don't understand how being respectful to the girl you love makes you a doormat but whatever.

[rthomas43]

Being respectful doesn't make you a doormat. Giving in when you aren't in the wrong is an example of being a doormat.

[Chris011]

It's nothing to worry about. I have pictures of cute girls set as my wallpaper on my phone all the time.. I have it because i just think they are cute and that's all. Nothing big or anything to worry about. He probably deleted it because he didn't want you to see it because he knows how it makes you feel. Try not to think it about it too much.

[willshere]

Everyone has a type, but you probably have traits that he deems more important than other things that he may be physically attracted to. I know that I have dated girls because they had an amazing personality or were really fun, but they weren't the usual type of woman I was attracted to.

[binny91]

32C isn't small boobs its quite big compared to most girls who are -B and I think you're just overreacting which is normal but don't you oogle guys on movies/tv shows/ singers etc?

You may not save them on your phone computer , but you may rewatch that certain movie because of it. I know my ex used to have a huge gerald butler fantasy so she'd watch a gerald butler movie marathon (300/tomb raider/law abiding citizen) and she also had a thing for eric on true blood.

Its totally normal just chill out its his fantasy totally normal

[Asker]

The thing I hate about myself is that the male body doesn't excite me, even make celebs do nothing to me. 'Hunks', not a drop of blood gets running in my body when I see one. I see guys everywhere and everyday I'm never crazy about their bodies or looks. On the other hand, I appreciate the female body much more, I check out super hot girls, cause they're intriguing. When a girl is beautiful, I notice and appreciate it. Something is wrong with me cause I'm straight and I do get turned on by boyfriend. I don't know.

[binny91]

How are you attracted to your boyfriend then?

[Asker]

Haahaha some way I am. I like his body but I'm not excited by any male body, no matter how 'hot' they are. Yes I like his face, his manly hands, arms, and shoulders. His face is what I pay attention to the most. My female friends go crazy over guys with muscles and who are cute. Nothing ever happens to me. This isn't affecting my relationship at all cause I do get turned on by my bf and I love him.

[binny91]

Ahh I see as I said its perfectly normal what his doing I know most girls do the same. But I guess you're one of the few who don't. Nothing to get jealous about

[Drummer4Lyfe]

Cuz we love a big booty a big bewbs.

[Asker]

Then why date a girl with normal sized booty and ass if that's what you love?

[Drummer4Lyfe]

That's for your bf to answer not me.

[Asker]

So you only date girls with big boobs and butts?

[Drummer4Lyfe]

No I'm not shallow but I prefer my women curvy. And I have and will continue to date women with certain features that I find attractive, so that I don't have to be putting girls with big butts as wallpapers on my phone.

[Asker]

Ok I understand then, I will have to ask him. Please continue dating your type; so your girl will feel beautiful and wanted. Smart move.

[NotAfraid]

Not everyone is going to have your body shape… Men like all different shaped bodies don't worry about yours being excluded from the mass. Your boyfriend is being a guy is all.

[Asker]

Should I just accept that he's into big butts and boobs?, how do I do that?

[Anonymous]

So what? Why do women fan girl crazy over celebs?

I love how women expect men to never be attracted to anyone else ever again. If anything I would dump you because it shows your an over controlling woman looking to repress him.

I have Tons of p*rn. And my wife loves me either way. I never cheated on her and I go well over the need to please her. p*rn gets rid of my distractions and lets me pay attention better to my wife. Knock one out to a picture of a hottie and im less frustrated when we go out. I last longer in bed getting off during the day.

And I have no problem with her having posters of band members/ movie heart throbs.

If you can't give a man space to appreciate beauty then your no dif than someone who hangs one painting on a wall and ties someone to a chair to never let look at anything else.

[Anonymous]

Because your particular body type is boring and no fun. The only people attracted to spinners are those who are into bdsm because women like that remind them of little girls they can tie up and dominate, and not real women

[rthomas43]

Not only are you an asshole, but you also don't even speak the truth.

[Asker]

So you're saying real women are only those women with big asses and big boobs. Well, I'm a real woman with this body I have.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm sure your boyfriend agrees.

[lamebabe]

Pretty sure little girls don't have C cup boobs...Anon is trying to make you feel worse @Asker. Don't listen to him.

[Asker]

Lol thank you rthomas43...you said exactly what I was thinking but hesitant to say.

[Asker]

:) Thanks girl!

[Opinion Owner]

why so hesitant? does the truth hurt? just so you know i personally like spinners

[Anonymous]

Personally, when I look at p*rn, it tends to favor girls with a particular body shape (thin with big boobs). I've almost never dated a girl with that shape though as it's VERY rare.

[Asker]

Why would you download such images if you knew your girl was not happy with them.

[Opinion Owner]

I don't really discuss my p*rn preferences with my girl, so I can't say it's ever really come up.

[Asker]

Ohhk

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry! I know that may not have helped a ton. I mean right now, my girlfriend isn't able to come over so I'm checking out some fun video scenes and pictures on the net. But I'd never actually discuss it with her. This definitely goes in the category of "me" time! lol!

[Asker]

Lol alright then. You guys are busy in this world!!

[Opinion Owner]

Hahaha! What do you mean?

[Asker]

Checking out some 'fun videos' when your girl isn't able to come over. Opportunity takers, you're just busy!

[Opinion Owner]

Hahaha! Got it! :P well, it's not like I'm watching that when she IS here! :P

[Anonymous]

All men like big boobs and big asses. From a purely sexual standpoint, it's what turns your boyfriend on. But so do you. He's with you because he likes you. Stop fretting =]

[Asker]

Well, it sucks. I thought anything sexual is only supposed to be shared by the two of us...pitty I am not sexually excited by 'hunks'

[Opinion Owner]

So is it that he's looking at P*rnography of busty women that bothers you, or the fact that he watches p*rn in general?

[Asker]

He doesn't watch p*rn. It's pictures he saved, of busty women with huge butts. Preferably I wouldn't want him having such pictures on his phone at all, but I have to say that it hurts even more that those women are nothing like me.

[Opinion Owner]

1. He also watches p*rn 2. Tell him to keep the filth off his phone. View it, and leave it. 3. Don't worry about the differing body types. All guys have their p*rn type and their real life type. You're worrying over nothing =]

[Asker]

Lol if that's what all guys do, then I should find myself a girlfriend :/

[Opinion Owner]

Lesbians. Always cool =] You haven't given any reason yet to suggest that he isn't a good guy. Every guy out there watches p*rn, usually a lot filthier than you'd like to know haha Also, is your age right, or are you younger?

[Asker]

My age is right, I'm 21... That means he was being truthfull when he said he's stupid. I don't like stupid people; how did I fall for one? Yes he is a good guy, just not considerate about my feelings. He's not contacting me now although he knows he upset me, wow!

[Opinion Owner]

Hmm. His last statement (up in the original post you made) is partially true. You are going to eventually have to get over it. Whether it be with this boyfriend, or perhaps a future guy, this problem isn't going go away if you find the right guy. However, as your boyfriend, it his duty to help you through this, and he is coming across a bit inconsiderate at the moment. Is this a common trend?

[Asker]

He doesn't have the ability to make me feel good when he does or says something that hurts my feelings. He more considerate when it's something external that's hurting me. I don't know why that is. So I have to accept this although it's making me feel sick inside?

[Opinion Owner]

You more or less have to come to terms with how the male mind works. We're programmed to want to tap everything we can and to produce tons of offspring. So, a guy in a relationship is going to watch his p*rn, fantasize about girls he knows, your friends, but if he's any kind of man at all, all of the fantasies stay in his head, and you'll be the only one to ever receive his love.

[Opinion Owner]

It's tough to deal with it. I know back in the day my girlfriend struggled to accept it as well.

[Asker]

Thank you, thank you. I understand now, I'm not fine with it but I am getting it; little by little. I mean, I also do have a wondering mind, dirty thoughts lol, but I love him still. Thanks again.

[Opinion Owner]

Best of luck to y'all =] And don't listen to that Paxton guy. He's full of it...

[Asker]

Lol but Paxton understands what a woman wants; though we will never get it =[

[Opinion Owner]

He's also getting your hopes up for something that will never happen =/ I highly doubt he's had a successful relationship, judging by his advice. Relationships are about compromise, enjoying being one with your love, not being treated like a queen or a king. If he gave in every time you were upset about something, you would have total control over him, and the same thing in reverse. I've been in my relationship for 5 years, I've experienced many of these dos and donts first hand, as well as taking advice from those that have been in my shoes.

[Asker]

What if you can't compromise?, like when you really value something. I value honesty more than anything, and to me; not mentioning something worth mentioning, or deleting a picture so I won't know you had it is being dishonest. I have noticed that my boyfriend does this; thinking he's making things better for me, or protecting me, but I don't feel thay way. I feel it's being dishonest. How do I compromise in that situation?

[Opinion Owner]

Like you said, he lies because he knows the truth will upset you. Few things here need to happen for y'all. 1. He needs to grow a pair and either tell you that something is none of your business (when it's something harmless like p*rn, but will still hurt you), or just tell you the truth. And if he's going to tell you the truth, then you'd better learn to handle the truth.

[Opinion Owner]

For the record, almost all couples have small things they keep from each other. My girlfriend does not inquire about what fantasies happen in my head because she knows she wouldn't like my answer. She has fantasies of her own. I'm sure those too are best kept between her ears.

[Asker]

Lol yes, some things are private. I think I can handle the truth; cause it will enable me to make better decisions. I think honesty is a basic thing and there shouldn't be any compromises with it. Privacy is another story.

[Opinion Owner]

Well, you've shown tonight that you weren't able to handle this particular truth. If you want the truth from him, you need to show him the truth won't break you. I concur that there is no room for compromise with honesty.

[Asker]

Thanks man.

[Opinion Owner]

Best of luck to y'all. Hopefully you listen to the right people that were contributing here =p

[Asker]

Lol don't worry :) We'll be fine.