Sex with a friend: why just a one night stand?

[Anonymous]

It happened after months of flirting and a rapid escalation in a few days, while spending a night watching movies at my place. It didn't feel embarassing at all, actually quite the opposite. We managed to keep our playful attitude also under the sheets and we had good sex and good laughs. He spent the night cuddling me (without being hinted so) and we had sex again in the morning. After that he didn't run away, but stayed over for a couple of hours to have breakfast, chat and even tidy up the house with me. When he left, he kissed me goodbye. So far so good, then the awkward happens. I did the mistake not to let him the time to digest the situation and messaged him too early some stupid/funny stuff like we always do in our friendship. We kept messaging till that night, then i decided to leave it up to him to start a conversation. And yes, he disappeared, the only form of contact being his likes on my fb posts. Since we had a night scheduled with other friends within a few days, I decided to come back to him by acting normal and sharing the same kind of jokes as always before sex. Apparently he reacted normally but I think i noticed some coldness from his side. So when we met together with our friends over a dinner it was completely awkward. We were tense, yet both of us pretended nothing had ever happened. What left me totally perplexed is that I know that he has done everything in his power not to let the 2 of us spending 1 moment together alone. I actually think the message is pretty clear here: he doesn't want any follow-ups from this situation. What I don't understand is why he acted so sweetly in first place, leaving me very confused about his intentions when he left my apartment. We have known each other for quite a long time and what I was expecting from him was the start of a friends with benefits relationship, not of a serious 1 nor a one night stand. As I am not a casual sex expert, can u tell me if there were some hints to this, maybe even before?

[Paris13]

I think, being he had time to think, that in between the laughs and the giggles, he got thinking Seriously that if you both continued rumbling between the sheets It could become More than what he really wants and what he is really ready for. I surmise he grew cold duck feet and got scared And 'Disappeared' into the murky waters. This bird is no exception to my golden egg rule. Now it appears it is an 'Awkward moment' 'from this situation' that may not be able to return to the way it used to be.
The best and the Most you can most likely do at this point is at least ease some of the tight tension, and have a long talk with him. If you have know one another this long and were this close, maybe this will help bring things back to--------The way we were...
And if he doesn't want to even Work to bring things back to what was once a close friendship, then maybe he is what I call now a----Fair weather friend.
Good luck. xx

[Asker]

Thank you for your advice! I see that most of the answers I get, even from guys, suggest that he might be into me more than what I thought. The problem is that I am really scared as I have suffered a lot recently because of friends/crushes letting me down so my only goal now is not letting him harm me :(

[Paris13]

I don't like his behavior, and I still say he may be scared to do even friends with benefits... And with everything so 'awkward,' he may be feeling it could go further, never anticiapated it.. He was fine at first, then had this change of heart... I hope you both can talk it out, get to the bottom of it... xx

[Paris13]

You're so very welcome... Hope he comes around.. What a way to end a good friendship because of no lines of convo and possible misgivings... xx

[Asker]

As they said in another answer, his manipulative behaviour is not a good sign, so I prefer giving a pessimistic look to the whole situation. Plus I still think that starting the talk would prove counterproductive, as it will just scare him off more.

[Paris13]

Give him space then, time to do more thinking then. Perhaps when he is over this 'awkward' moment, he will come around. xx

[Realistic07]

Honestly you have made an error first off when you stopped talking to him and waited for him to converse first he could have just as easily assumed much like you did that because you chose to not initiate any more that you have lost interest in him. witch most likely made him nervous because not only are you a friend to hi you are someone that in my opinion he dose have feelings for. the best way to get and answer to the ever looming question is to be as direct as possible go and tell him your feelings and ask him his. yes there is a worry that he may not like you in such a way but at least you will be able to move on from that point and hold on to the friendship. Rather than lose him all together. Also if he dose feel the same as you then it all works out.

[Asker]

I thought my mistake was writing to him in first place as nothing had happened!

[Realistic07]

o that was just the continuation of the same mistake advancing itself to new levels. my question to you is what do you really want is it him or isn't it?

[Asker]

What I'd like is to continue having a relationship without commitment -he's just got out of a long relationship and we both have some major worries in mind at the moment, so not ready to commit at all. This is what I was trying to achieve, to keep it casual but keep it alive, while I had the feeling he's killing any chances that something might happen again.

[Realistic07]

well then tell him what you want and how you feel that's the only real way to find answers.

[Asker]

in the end... it's always like that :( but really, i'm tired of men that wait for the girl to take a position. It's a real turndown!

[Realistic07]

You know you say that, but many men say the exact same thing. For me i always say that if a girl approaches me i'll give her a shot. like its hard for men to approach women because we instantly think about all the negative that could happen and sometimes they do happen. I do like to take initiative though in interacting and asking out because for me even if i fail at least i had the balls to try.

[Skandhanaut]

It could be. Could be that he doesn't know how he feels, and is worried about your friendship. He might also be into you, but either involved in something else, or maybe afaid of commitment. That last possibility seems to be an often used justification for leaving, but it's true in some cases.

Simple answer is: Talk to him. And think about what you want. Do you want him?

[Asker]

I would also like to talk to him but in the past I have always been the mature one by taking the responsibility of the talk and was always left with nothing. I noticed that he has kind of started an immature "power game" and I just see a deja-vu where I don't know how to play by these stupid rules. By "power game" i mean: he took over the organization of the dinner for which I was in charge and put himself in the privileged position of choosing the location and the participants: the result was that it was only couples + us and a single (girl) friend of his, which made the dinner even a bit humiliating for myself coz i felt like put in competition with the other girl for his attention. I totally understand him not wanting to show up at the dinner as a couple but that was an asshole's move, he does have single (male) friends who could have joined as well and he could have told me to bring anyone.

[Skandhanaut]

It doesn't seem like he wants what you want. It also sounds like he's actually quite comfortable manipulating you, which isn't a very good sign.

[Asker]

I totally agree with u on the manipulating point. However I don't know what I want yet so I doubt he might want the same thing unless he is clueless just like me :P

[Skandhanaut]

He sounds more calculated than clueless to me, but I don't know the guy.

[Asker]

Can I ask u what his goal is? Why manipulating instead of just being indifferent? That's what's driving me insane

[Skandhanaut]

Most likely sex. Hard to say.

[Asker]

I think u got the best insight of the situation by defining the guy manipulative. U are good :) Is your advice still to make the talk? Don't u think that, as I want a non-committed relationship at this moment, I should get it with actions rather than words? I think a talk would only freak him out, even if just a request to keep it going and casual.