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Why do so many people see single moms as nothing more than cum dumpsters?

I have a friend who has become a single mom a couple of years ago (her fiance died in a car crash). She tried to start dating again but hasn't met one guy who clearly only wanted her for sex. She recently met a more decent guy (or that's how he acted), dated him a couple times and after they fucked, he just ignored all her calls and apparently bragged to his friends he "scored". Now I read a couple questions about the same topic on this site and a lot of people seem to think really bad about single moms, even act like it's their own fault and they deserve to be treated as sluts. I totally do not understand this. I would like to ask why you guys think like that (or if you don't, why so many others do).
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Most Helpful Guys

  • There is a stereotype associated with single moms but it comes from a woman who's dumb enough to marry a loser and have kids with him. Your gf needs to identify herself as a young widow which is the truth. She needs to vet guys very carefully and get them to invest in the relationship. Men invest in a couple of way, among others. One is the chase. The Rules, a book on dating, is very old school but it works like a charm. She should read it. The bottom line is that she needs to be a little hard to get, thereby prolonging the chase and, in my model, increasing their investment.

    The other is to exploit the most important thing in the world to a man: to be appreciated--at least according to John Gray in Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus (another good book to read, by the way). Get him to do things for her: big things like helping her make a decision on a major purchase to little things like taking out the trash. Then go nuts appreciative. It's almost impossible to go overboard. We just eat that stuff up and it attracts us to her.

    I hope this helps. If your gf wants to message me, she should feel free. Have her identify herself with this question since you posted anon.

    • Really? Thats the first time i've heard a good thing about the rules. Personally i stopped halfway throug because it was boring to read, but i thought most of it was so outdated it wouldn't work for my generation or was simply common sense

    • In some ways, it's counter intuitive and it's based in human nature which hasn't changed in 100,000 years. While tech may change the ways we communicate, the underlying human nature hasn't changed at all. My daughter, on suggestion from her mom, applied The Rules and ended up with a magnificent husband and she's as tech savvy as anyone.

  • for me personally, single mothers are still woman. and they are still human, not cum dumpters:P they have feelings and way more responsibilities now more than they ever did and I respect them for upkeeping their life and the lives of their children. guys look at single moms and probably think that way because they want kids of their own so they can't possibly see themselves committing to a woman who already has children so instead he will just use her as he sees fit and then be done with it:P fucked up beyond all recognition. FUBAR. those guys are dicks. generalizing here, it is harder for single moms to get back out there but it isn't hopeless. but the guys see a kid and they don't want to commit but they're still horny so they stick around:P once again FUBAR.

    • exactly!

Most Helpful Girls

  • Not all guys are like that, except for the ones she's chosen to go out with. Single mothers are still people. I think the problem is that being a single parent is an automatic disadvantage in the dating scene. There are men who don't want or like children, so they're out of the question. Other men might think that because the woman has a kid, her ex will still be involved in her life in some way or another. Others may like kids but they don't want the "instant family" or they don't want to raise somebody else's child. That just leaves fellow single dads and some genuine guys who are okay with the situation. All of these guys want sex, though. The only way to find out which of these guys actually likes her for HER, kid and all, is by holding out on the sexual aspect of the relationship until the wrong guys are weeded out.

  • Because people are dumb. Some guys it starts when they're really young and there is a pregnant girl in school. They seem to think just because she had sex with the dad, she'll want it with them.
    Really though, a lot of the single mothers themselves are to blame. I have heard way too many single mothers talk about how grateful they are that a man is interested in them even though they already have a kid/s. They are setting themselves up for the most shitty of relationships when they think like that. How dare she be made to feel grateful for male attention, and how dumb does she have to be to believe that. At the end of the day, you get treated how you allow yourself to be treated.

  • Well i do agree they should treat her with respect, but you can't really blame a guy that doesn't have children of himself for not wanting to care of other children.

    In any case i thimk ur friend should make it clear she is a widow and her being a single mom is not due to bad choices

  • I'd like to know the answer to this question too? I'm a single mom of 2 boys and sometimes it does seem like that. Very frustrating!

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I think the reality is that a relationship with a single mother can't evolve as naturally and easily as one with a non parent (I'm assuming she's custodial parent, the same would hold true for a father who had has kids).

    It's easy to do casual hooking up.

    It's possible to get really serious.

    But with kids in the picture, either things are casual, or they're serious, and its hard to move between. That's the reality.

    Now guys seeing a single mother, tbh, a lot of the ones who want a relationship might know that, and be scared off. They're not ready to be a kid's dad yet, and they're not ready to get involved in her life, then walk away. So they walk away -now-. And others are ready to be a dad... so they're looking for some childless but ready to get married and have kids woman.

    But the guys looking to hookup? They figure she's not gonna pretend to be a virgin, she's probably busy and may not be looking to go out as much, but she's up for a little fun now and then. And they -aren't- avoiding her due to the child because it doesn't get in the way of hooking up very much.

    So the presence of the child deters some non-hookup guys, while guys on the fence it pushes them to much faster stay casual or get very serious.

  • Because they realize that they don't want to raise another mans kids. Especially when the kids are hesitant.

  • many guys have a fantasy of dating single moms

  • Some lame ass guys assume single moms are desperate for sex. Single moms with young kids are more likely to be exhausted, emotionally drained and probably not feeling at their most attractive.

    They need a guy to support them, be a friend and make them feel good about themselves.

    Oh, and they might want to get laid too :-)

  • Guys didn't want her for sex before she had children? It's the dilemma most women have to deal with, in general. I personally wouldn't date a girl with children because I'm great with them, and if we fall out it isn't fair to the child.

  • Because they are it’s what they are meant to be and they make neurons happy

  • Women need to hold off on sex if they want to weed out men who only want sex. It's as simple as that. Don't sleep with a guy you just met, then wonder why he bailed on you. I know this is a controversial opinion nowadays, but it's the truth.

    • This applies to all women, not just single mothers. There are good guys out there, and they aren't the ones sleeping with women after a "couple" dates.

  • Nothing wrong with being a single mom. If nothing else, I see it as a sign of emotional strength-raising a child by yourself...

  • most guys r not looking for a wife and kids initially. thats tough, unless he already had a chance to start a family of his own. Most guys just want to have fun. Its hard to worry about, bills and diapers. tell your friend to take her time to get to know these guys and try picking man of charcter. someone who wants a relationship not just sex

  • guys dont think that generally. but i notice that a lot of single moms just assume that guys won't mind.. they take it for granted or they dont really appreciate it.

    sorry but when there's plenty of girls out there who dont have kids, you're gonna have to bring something special to the table to make up for the fact you do have a kid if you do have one

    i think single moms need to feel a little less entitled. i dont know any gy who hates single moms. but a single mom that isn't aware that having a kid is a major disadvantage or that thinks that guys are just aholes for caring about it? yeah thats a turn off

    • i think we live in a society which is still far more comfortable with telling men that they need to bring things to the table. like, if an ugly-face guy was asking me for love advice, id say make a lot of money, or go to the gym and get a killer body, or develop your humor/charm. do something to make up for the fact that you have an ugly face! i think we as society are still uncomfortable with being blunt like this to women

    • and no one really wants to settle. so its in a single mom's own interest to try to bring other things to the table, so she can get the best man she can. to be blunt, having a kid is a major flaw, and so a single mom is likely to attract a majorly flawed guy. the major flaw might be as simple as being so dumb as to not understand that a kid is something important! guys are kinda used to seeing things from girls eyes. cos we have to do that when were tryna figure out approach technique. girls shuld see things from guys eyes if they want to be successful in love. try to see from the eyes of the kind of guy you want and ask why would this guy want me? what would make him choose me over all these other girls? and a top-quality guy? he's not gonna choose a single mom, unless she's really special in other ways

    • one things for sure. simply telling men who care about this that theyre aholes, which is what a lot of single moms do, isn't gonna get any guy, apart from really weak types

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