How can I tell if a dude really wants to get to know me or if he really just wants to have sex?

[xokayleer0se]

With the way I've been treated by many guys, I always find myself pushing away every guy that tries to get to know me. I'm beginning to feel like I'll never be able to open up to any guy or feel comfortable with anyone. When a guy says anything sexual to me, I get bothered. I understand that guys are naturally horny and shit but still.. I'm so afraid of being used. And to make things even harder, I'm an introvert. I'm socially awkward…. and I'm attractive. Yes, I have the confidence to say I'm attractive but I have the lowest self esteem.. And looks don't mean shit to me. Guys seem to only want me for my looks, and I know this because no guy ever knows me personally, or gets to know what goes through this crazy brain of mine, but they continue to try and hangout.. and continue to text me even though I'm the most boring texter ever. I'm smarter than I seem. I keep my thoughts to myself half the time, so I always seem stuck up and rude when really I'm having panic attacks and going crazy in my mind thinking of what to say. So basically let me get to some kind of point.. What can I look for to know whether or not a guy likes me for me, or likes me for my looks?

[med11]

I met and was with a girl exactly like you in terms of being beautiful but also being an introvert. In fact, the personality types are strikingly similar from what you stated. I bring this up because I feel very confident that I can give you an honest and straight forward assessment based on personal experience.

The specific girl and I are still on good terms as I simply just moved and didn't want to continue a long distance relationship after we tried for several months (we were together for a little over a year before I moved for graduate school). When I first met her I was attracted to her but, at the same time, I noticed she was shy and seemingly socially awkward. I had absolutely no problem with this as I am both easy to talk to and am confident in terms of being humorous even despite the girl not being very reactionary. As much as she had a stone face though, she always told me how much she loved that personality. For her, she also worried about being "played".

I fixed it by, simply stated, being me and proving to her, through action, time, and communication that I could be trusted and along the way I learned how very intelligent she was which was a huge turn on to me to find a woman I was attracted to who was my equal in terms of her intellectual level. Point being, some men truly do care about the intelligence of a woman you need to take that thought process you have about being used and turn it around to a point of trusting your own intelligence to see through bullshit and conclude who the guy truly is and what he is after. You have all the tools to do so, you just have to trust yourself to do it and not be afraid to act if something either feels right, or not right. I speculate that you have a form of anxiety disorder that has either long gone not diagnosed or that you are not accepting about yourself. If I am right, then you shouldn't worry as it effects many people and is a learned trait based on outside factors. (continued in part 2)

[med11]

(Part 2) The outside factors in your case are something that are both none of my business and also your own personal choice to divulge but, to me (if you and I were together for example), I would want to know so I could better know the person I am dealing with and better understand her/know how to approach her. Simply stated, you cannot, I repeat cannot let past issues cloud potential good things for you in the future because if you do, you will find your mental state will continue to devolve deeper and deeper into suspicion & self doubt. My suggestion is simple, give men a chance to prove themselves through the courting process where there is no full sexual activity and you can allow for both a coming together of ideas and also to see if you two mesh on a personal and romantic level. Inevitably all our looks fade (unfortunately!) but our personality won't. You have to work on yours and work on your "radar" just as much as you do your beauty. It will all be okay for you.

[MrOracle]

All guys (who show interest in you) will want sex - that's a given. But not all guys are interested in a relationship - many just want sex. That's something every girl deals with.

How can you tell the difference? Generally, a guy who actually cares about you and wants a relationship will be pushing for/moving towards a relationship, and not just the bedroom, while "just sex" guys usually won't. While it's hard to describe the exact differences, you'll start to be able to tell the difference before too long if you pay attention.

But the biggest thing you can do to help this process is to make a rule for yourself that you do not have sex outside of committed, official relationships, and then make that policy known, from the beginning, to anyone you date/shows interest in you.

Most "just sex" guys who hear that will suddenly remember they had something else to do, and will lose interest and go away. A few of the "player" types will take it as a challenge, and try to convince you to break your rule for them, and they'll be smooth and attractive and you'll like them, but if you give in, you'll lose. But only a very tiny percentage (probably <1%) of guys are willing to go through the motions of a relationship just to get sex, so this technique of using sex to "filter" out the "just sex" guys is very effective, even if it's not quite 100%. Nothing else comes close.

The hard part is being willing to keep true to your policy, because guys will come along that you are VERY attracted to, and who you will REALLY like, and you'll try to convince yourself that it's okay to break your rule with HIM, and that sex will probably make him want a relationship more (it won't). Most girls fail when they give in to that temptation and get attached to an attractive guy who just wants sex from her, and gets it.

Guys who want a relationship with you will generally tell you so, and while they want sex, they'll WANT all of the other relationship stuff too.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

I would recommend getting to know the guy as a friend and keeping the flirting pg rated. of course u can't control what he does but try to set the tone of how u want things to go and be distant with guys who are sex motivated

[PacificShark]

Ah, I just love answering these questions hehe, but anyways, see, You obviously have met a lot of jerks, and its quite possible that they weren't even jerks but were just not your type. Sooo, my opinion is, that the things you should look out for: 1. Dress up lazily for a week, the guy who looks into your eyes and still gives you a smile loves you... like actually has that Hollywood kinda crush on you. 2. The hotshots often look at the boobs and not in the eyes. Soo, a guy who spends more than 2 seconds of his 10 seconds of time while talking to you staring at the boobs should be struck off the eligibility list. Also, Look out for words such as 'HOT', 'sexy'.. and reject the guys who use them a lot.. cause lets just say.. these aren't the words that girls actually look for. You'd rather listen to a guy calling you beautiful, magnificent, pretty, intelligent, smart etc. These are the guys you have to look out for. And.. and.. and.. let me think.. i think that's enough for now. If a guy passes the three of these thingies, then he obviously likes you :P And oh! Got it, it's not always and doesn't apply regularly but a guy who likes you would generally get shy when he's near you. I hope my opinion helped :)

[torken]

Don't give up sex easily, the guys that stick around are the ones that like you for you.

[Gegalix]

"How can I tell if a dude really wants to get to know me or if he really just wants to have sex?"
Its not that hard!
1. Pay attention to how he acts around you, and other people.
2. See what kind of guys he hangs out with.
3. Make him wait. Many girls are easy nowadays, and guys will push to see if you are an easy girl, or a worthwhile girl.
4. Him playing games is a BAD sign.
5. Ask around and see what kind of reputation he has.
6. Ask yourself: Am I looking for a boyfriend, or for a future husband? Some people are afraid of commitment, and if you aren't then you shouldn't be dating guys who are!

P. S. YOUR clothes, YOUR friends, and YOUR reputation all will affect what types of men approach you, and what types of men avoid you!

[jakemiller1230]

Um generally the more confident a guy is around you when making a move the less likely he is to trust you. In my case the one girl I ever really liked I couldn't look her in the eye and I made a really awkward attempt at asking her out that failed. But around other girls I'm a huge flirt so if he acts differing around you then he really cares.

[Anonymous]

Ok, keys keep this real. ALL GUYS want sex. It's up to u to find out which one is willing to be into more than sexual things. Try looking for a guy that likes other things about u not just sexual things.

[Anonymous]

lol hey I saw your question.
1. you are about an 8/10 and too good looking to be here
2. girls who are 8/10 don't get used for sex unless they are also stupid/boring. If you are not stupid/boring, you will be in the gf category at the minimum.

[xokayleer0se]

lol thank you