Can your boyfriend rape you? Or is that that normal?

[Anonymous]

I mean is it possible for your own boyfriend to rape you? I have been with my boyfriend for 4 months and I am very insecure and never feel comfortable enough to do things with my boyfriend.. And it's been that way with guys I've dated in the past too. But last night things got alittle out of control and we both were alittle drunk and I didn't mind doing things but then he held me down and I even told him to stop and I tried to get up but he forced me down.. Then the whole time he was very violent and after he told me if I was useless. But today he is telling me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me and that's how " it's suppose to feel" and you're " suppose to hit them and make them hurt" "it's normal" I just don't know what to do?

[kittycatcait]

Whether you're dating or not or even if you were married no means no. If you clearly told him stop he should have. You did not give consent so yes it could be classified as rape. It is most definitely not normal and you are not 'supposed to' do any of that. Him taking advantage of you while you were under the influence makes it worse. Alcohol is not an excuse for abuse whether it is verbal, physical or sexual. In the very least you do need to talk to him and tell him that it is serious and if you chose to it would be enough to press charges. Personally I would take a more drastic measure and get the hell out. I've been abused by an ex before and I walked. If you do choose to stay with him I would recommend you ascertain that it truly was just a one time stupid mistake and inform him that he does not get another chance. He is treading on very dangerous territory with assault and by the sound of it he is far from being the type of guy you ought to be with.

[Anonymous]

If you said no, and he forced it, then yes, thats RAPE! thats sounds pretty scary actually. and he's saying he's supposed to be violent? its not always like that. and when my boyfriend gets rough with me, its cuz i ASK for him to be rough and even then he's a little unsure. Report him. I mean i dont know your relationship or what really went down, but you obviously dont feel safe. If somehting like that happened with my boyfriend well we were drunk, i would talk to him about it the next day, but only because i know he'd never hurt me. You situation sounds like you dont trust him and you;re scared. so please report him... if not for yourself... for all the future girls he could do this too.

[udolipixie]

Can your boyfriend rape you?
Yes a boyfriend can rape his girlfriend. Anyone can pretty much rape anyone.

Or is that that normal?
Going by statistics it's seemingly fairly normal for a gal to be raped by her boyfriend. Gals are generally raped by someone they know.

I just don't know what to do?
I'd suggest therapy there's plenty of anonymous chatrooms, support groups, and counselors. If you're in America reporting to the police is most likely a crap shot where you're seen as the 'slutty drunk gal asking for it' or the 'gal trying to ruin his life with a false rape accusation'.

[lumos]

Of course your boyfriend is still capable of raping you. Anyone is capable of raping you. Their relation to you doesn't matter. If they force you to have sex with them without your consent, it's rape. No, it's not normal and no, guys (or girls) are not "supposed to hit them and make them hurt". That's fucked up. Report him to the police.

[InquisitiveMale]

Rape is being an unwilling participate in sex. Anyone can rape a person no matter the current standing on their relationship. If you said no and he did it anyways, that's rape.

That's not how it's supposed to feel.
You're not supposed to hit them and make it hurt.
It's not normal.

Your boyfriend is abusive and these things will only get worse the more frequently they happen. Get away from him before things escalate.

[Zangetsu95]

Get away from him as fast as you can!!! What he did/ is doing to you is not normal, and it's not acceptable.
In order for a relationship to work you need to have respect for one another, I doesn't matter that he was drunk, by telling you "it's supposed to feel like that" or you're " suppose to hit them and make them hurt" he's trying to justify what he did to you. NO good can come from staying with him!!

[jesseray]

I agree.

[DivaMonae]

I believe it was because he was drunk which is still not an excuse. (Though neither of you should be drinking)

Yes, it's rape unless you give consent to it and you obviously didn't when you told him to stop.

If I were you I'd end it now it's only going to go spam heel from here and you should probably tell an adult or cop.

[smokahontas]

You should leave this guy immediately! Yes, what he is doing is rape. I doesn't if it is a stranger, friend, boyfriend, or even husband. If you refuse to have sex but the guy does it with you anyway, that is rape.

[jesseray]

It does not matter whether it is a stranger, a boyfriend, or a husband. No one has the right to force sex on you. That is rape and punishable by law. You would do well to get the hell away from the manipulative rapist asshole.

[LastGirlScout]

You need to leave right now and get away from this guy. If what you're saying is true then he sounds like he's exapling classic signs of an abusive partner and not just a one off misunderstanding. Leave now and think about what to do later, but this guy is bad news and you need to get away from him before it turns into regular and violent abuse.

[bDizzie]

you were raped and he is brainwashing you. Report him, get him locked up and don't ever talk to him again!

[jesseray]

I agree.

[Imtheone88]

No it's not !!! Leave him, or report him. Doesn't matter who he is when you say stop he has to stop. Otherwise it's considered rape.

[normalice]

You refused sex, so the default answer is that it was, indeed, rape. However, the definition ultimately lies with you. If you thought it was an overall positive experience, you are within your rights to just accept it as the way you want to do things from now on. But if not, it was rape and you shouldn't tolerate it.

[jesseray]

The definition ultimately lies with the law. It was rape. Full stop.

[26ukdude]

The law does not dictate what is morally or ethically right or wrong all the time, only what the leaders in power at the time enforce. In the middle east women can be killed for refusing to sleep with their husbands, homosexuals can be put to death and some religous factions even kill those who convert to another religion

[normalice]

@26ukdude @jesseray all i'm saying is that some girls are 'into' this sort of thing, and they can't be satisfied if the law mandates that we arrest anyone who pleases them.

[jesseray]

I don't give two shits whether they feel satisfied, anymore than I care that someone forcefully injected with heroine feels satisfied. It's against the law, for good reason.

[normalice]

@jesseray you misunderstand my meaning. What I'm talking about usually involves a 'safe word,' of course, but borderline over-aggressive sex is a real thing. If you have a problem with it, too bad. You don't get to legislate what two consenting adults do to each other - even if it is feigned non-consent.

[jesseray]

Sex that involves a safe word is not even relevant to this discussion. After all, this woman would not be here asking whether she was raped if the sex proceeded according to safe words and other ways of expressing consent and non-consent. Stop pretending that the rape of this woman counts as some form of BDSM. It doesn't.

[normalice]

@jesseray you may want to brush up on your reading comprehension before talking to me.. "a form of BDSM" was the exception I was attempting to describe from the beginning. Contrary to your belief, I never implied - let alone pretended - that that's what she went through. My only purpose in bringing it up was to inform her that, on the off chance she discovered she was "into it," she's not alone.

[jesseray]

You argued that, if she enjoyed being raped, she can pretend it wasn't rape by coming up with her own private definition of the term that would exclude what just happened to her, which was in fact rape. By saying this, you increased the probability that she would not only forgive the rapist, but reward the rapist with more sex for having raped her in the first place. Why the fuck would you ever do anything that would increase the probability that that would happen? If/when you have a daughter, would you want strange men on the internet telling her things that increased the probability that she would continue having sex with her own rapist and perhaps give birth to the rapist's baby? REALLY? There is something seriously wrong with you. I can't help but feel that maybe you are rooting for the rapist here because you yourself have been guilty of rape before. If that isn't it, then I fail to understand how you could possibly be this dense.

[normalice]

@jesseray this is why you should brush up on your reading comprehension. I argued no such thing :-/ What are you even talking about?

[jesseray]

That is what you argued. "The default answer is that it was... rape. However, the definition [of rape]..." What part of the word "However" do you not understand? You were trying to play with definitions such that rape would appear to be something other than rape.

[normalice]

@jesseray that wasn't an "argument" it was an observation. I'm not saying that she 'should' find it acceptable, I'm saying if she does she shouldn't let it fuel a sense of guilt.

[DodgersGM]

If you told him "no" or "stop" and you were not consenting, then it's absolutely rape. It doesn't matter if he's your BF or not, you always have the right to consent (or the refusal of it). On top of that, he also sounds like he was verbally abusive too.

I would leave him, and because you're under 18 I would also advise you to tell a trusted person what happened.

[JustinCaseUDontKnow]

No man should ever force him self on to any girl whether she is girlfriend/ wife etc
rape is serious crime and not to be taken lightly no it's normal for guy to rape

[nerdyasianman14]

REPORT TO THE POLICE!!

4.bp.blogspot.com/.../joey.gif

[MJas16]

No, it's definitely not "normal". Your boyfriend should not rape you, yes it's possible for your boyfriend to rape you. If it ever made you feel uncomfortable, you said no, and he was forcing himself to you then it is considered rape. I'm really sorry. It wasn't right what he did.

[wendigoRed]

He's a rapists. And you are not to blame at all for what happened, but from experience the insecurity in you attracted him to you because he's a predator. You should see a psychologist about the rape and your self esteem issues.

[jesseray]

I agree.

[doctorwhofan23]

That sounds like rape to me. Concent has to be on going and by saying stop he no longer had concent. From what I understand rapists try to make the victim feel like they are at fault, the fact is rape is not your fault. While sex can be expected in relationships concent is still required it is not a given. I'd break up with him because he does not respect you. .

[jesseray]

I agree.

[KiaTate]

That is not okay or normal! You need to report him! If you say you don't want to have sex and they continue that is considered rape!

[PANDAmonium]

If you say no and they force you to have sex with them - that is rape.

[WhaChaChaKing]

Yeeeeeeeah, you should leave him.

[goretcki]

What the fuck is wrong with him? Report his ass.

[ThunderBirdsAreG0]

That is rape and it is not OK for ANYBODY to force you into something you are not comfortable with. A boyfriend who does that to you does not love you,, he is only out for himself and doesn't care about your feelings.

[Anonymous]

That was rape no doubt about it

[Anonymous]

Yes your boyfriend can rape you, and the fact he normalizes it or tries to convince you that's what love is, is abuse.