Low sexdrive, and having to turn down my boyfriend when he asks for it?

[Anonymous]

I dont have that big a sexdrive.. i really dont have the need, or urge to do it more than once, maybe twice, every other week. Of course, my boyfriend needs a little more than me, i am aware that it is me that isn't normal here.. I sometimes turn him down, when he asks, but mostly i do it, and its not like i regret doing it afterwards. It makes me happy. But is this okay to do in a relationship? Do you think it is worth it to keep being in a relationship like this? Should i end it, just to have a slight possibility that i will find someone matching me sex-wise? I really love him. :(

[Amburger93]

I think you should hear a females opinion on this most. Every individual is different. Some people have high sex drives and some don't. I have an extremely high sex drive. I'm very sexual & not only love to be fulfilled but love to fulfill. Even making my bf cum is enough to make me happy. That being said, sex is VERY important in a relationship, forget the social norms, IT IS VERY IMPORTANT. I could never be with a man who couldn't or wouldn't want to have at least once a day. So, three things:

1) If you don't want to be serviced, fine, that's your body and your hormones, but you're in a relationship now. Service him! Hand jobs, blow jobs, etc. I doubt you simply don't like cumming so try just having sex, don't over think it, just let him hit your spots and enjoy it. Give yourself a way to meet halfway. For example, week 1: at least sex once a week and a blowjob once a week, week 2: at least sex twice a week and a blow job once a week, etc.

2) do NOT watch p*rn together, introducing p*rn into the relationship is a very, very bad idea. I can go on and on explaining, but... it isn't healthy, there have been studies on this... google it (:

3) if you sincerely cannot meet him halfway with this, then in my opinion the relationship just won't work out, sex is too important. To connect with your SO in the most intimate way possible... it's just too important.

Hope this helps (:

[Asker]

I do enjoy giving him both hand and blowjobs, and do that a lot!

[Qwerty2x07]

Well i'm in a relationship like that, and i've been without sex for 1 year because of really low sex drive of my GF.

Seriously, sometimes i even think, what should i do? Should i end things up? Honestly, i really love her, and i try everything i can to get her in the mood...

I've spent hours caressing her, touching her, kissing her, doing all sort of things and got no luck..

What i think is, if you don't speak with him, or try to find a way to get sex drive running your boyfriend might get into the same thinking as i am starting..

I feel bad about thinking this, but, guys need to have sex.
Imagine, being with my girlfriend every night at home, her naked, caressing her, kissing her back, legs, whatever, and getting excited and then, nothing, she just says she wants to sleep because it's late and you spend the last 3h with her, always doing things to get her in the mood...

[Asker]

I can see what you mean. But wow, 1 year? i think even i wouldn't last that long..

[Qwerty2x07]

yes, i'm really patient, This Saturday we do 2 years of relationship, we live together, and yes, it has been frustating.. Only in the first months of the relationship we had sex almost daily, that was great, then, it became less often untill it halted.. I do, however, "toouch" her everyday, but no sex.. I don't know if it's just guys or we can't be much time without sex it starts to corrupt our mind :S

[Asker]

Okay, i could try that.. just think i would feel like a little girl, with no hair down there.

[Asker]

clicked the wrong reply icon.. sorry. Well, i dont think its completely that way. There must be some couples where it is the other way around. :P

[Qwerty2x07]

yes that's right, but i never tought i would be in a relationship like this, where i do everything for her, and got nothing in return, sometimes i get "depressed" and i stay quiet, and she even starts arguing with me, because i'm quiet..

[Tractorbeam]

I'm sorry to hear this (one year), but you should end it. She's telling you every day of the year: * I don't find you physically attractive. * I don't want to please you. * I don't even want you to please me. It takes most women 3 or more years to get that stage in a relationship. About 20% are immune to it, and will still show physical affection at 20 years. You don't have a sexual relationship with her any more, monogamous or otherwise. She's ended it. Put that to her, and tell her you'll be finding sex elsewhere. You're only estranged ex-lovers, living under one roof. For reasons like this, I expect to trade women in at about 4 years, and continue to have a sex life.

[Qwerty2x07]

could it also be that she is cheating on me? we live together, but i work from 09 till 21h +- she is "alone" the whole day... I'm starting to think about everything... Maybe she just wants me because i do her everything she wants...

[Sovereign1979]

Better not turn him down that much because he will find it some place else and never tell you.
If you really love him, you'd better have a way. Or he needs to learn to suck your clit to get you stimulated to want it. If he won't go down on you, then its his fault.
But you have a mouth.
Or you need to be open minded about him watching pron as a lot of women don't wanna give it up and don't want their guys watching p*rn, but complain and wonder why when they cheat.

[Asker]

Oh, he has absolutely no problem going down on me. Rather, i think its kind of embarrassing, and can't handle it for too long. And i dont mind him watching p*rn, i sometimes watch it with him.

[Sovereign1979]

can't handle it for too long? Does that mean you get sensitive after you cum? But that is cool because he can lick you to get you horny to want sex more. That is good about p*rn, just hope its enough for him, me it wouldn't be. Whats there to be embarrassed about?

[Asker]

Well, i try to keep as clean as possible, but you know.. its not the nicest smelling place to stick your face in..

[Sovereign1979]

Actually I don't know. Do you shave? Or not? If you shave, alls you have to do is wash once a day. If you don't, right before hand as hair traps odor and shaven girls I never smell anything as long as she cleans at least once a day and right before hand if you don't shave.

[Asker]

I dont shave. And dont want to. I tried it a few times before, but it just gets irritated. Instead, i trim.

[Sovereign1979]

Well, hair is your reason why it smells. Moisture and hair = smell. But if you try it again, try rubbing refined coconut oil on after. This will take care of the irritation. They sell it at Walmart. I would buy the refined for cosmetic use because of the price of unrefined is a but high and unrefined is not needed for external use, only internal. But coconut oil is an awesome moisturizer and skin treatment as it is used in a ton of natural and holistic cosmetics.

[Asker]

Okay, i could try that.. just think i would feel like a little girl, with no hair down there.

[Sovereign1979]

Eeeeeh ;-), that is all in your head. But that would be sexy as shit tho and a much better place for a face. ;-)

[Anonymous]

Should get hormone injections. Might help your libido. While it may be "fake" libido, it might help it out