Sexual Relationships
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Why do some people think that sexual submissives are lazy?

Why do some people have this idea that sexual subs do less work and are lazy? And subs, I don't care if you're male or female, feel free to defend this. Do you guys just lie there do no work? Is this claim true? Finally, the poll below is to see the general idea of what our G@G population thinks, who do you think does more work in sex, a sub or a dom? (meaning one does LESS work, not necessarily NO work).
Doms does more work
Vote A
Subs do more work
Vote B
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
Girl Guy
0 0

Most Helpful Girls

  • I love the dominant/submissive arrangement. It is a big turn on. With my boyfriend and I (we are each others firsts), I'm love being dominant to him and he loves being submissive. I can do whatever I want to him and he loves it.

    It depends on personal preference. I don't think he is lazy at all as he is always giving me a reactions to things I do to him such as squirming, breathing heavily, doing what I tell him to do and making sure to please me. In my case, seeing him want me to do things to him is the biggest turn on and means I'm not doing all the work. Basically, these things are such a tease and without them and the 'permission', I wouldn't make a move on him so often.

    I do do more work though because without me, the dominant, none of his largest desires would be a reality. His largest desire is to be dominated - mine to dominate. It works out for both of us in the end.

    • I'm curious, do you do the riding too? Does he ever fuck you in missionary or doggie or anything like that? :) Good answer though! It's good to hear things from a dom's point of view.

    • I'm also curious, as a female, what do you like about being dominant? I'm a chick too, but I'm waaaaaaaaaaaay on the submissive side and personally I don't see the appeal of being dominant. I was hoping you could educate me :)

    • Sex is like any other couple but I do ride him sometimes. It's mainly the foreplay I am totally dominant on him and tell him what to do to me, which includes when to enter me. I am a naturally competitive person. I love getting what I want as well as pleasing those closest to me. This side to me is very apparent when it comes to being dominant. However, I've heard of non competivtive shy people also liking to be dominant so it is evidently another side to them. it's all about preference.

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  • Not sure I can vote with the options given. I believe it is pretty 50/50 but on different levels. I think as a Dom has more work involved mentally with keeping the control of things going and being attentive to ensure his/her sub is not being pushed beyond limits.

    However depending on what the Dom is asking for physically the sub could be doing most of the work. Then again if the Dom has the sub tied up like it was stated in another post it is not the subs fault to not be able participate as much as they would like. Then that brings it back to the Dom doing more of the work mentally and in the case of being tied up physically as well.

    Yep typical subby answer --- I defer to my Dom @Ishocnar... lol I don't want to make this decisions... lol

  • Doms do do more work, but it's not the subs fault.

    If you're tied to the bed unable to move, there's not much you can do. I mean, you could burst into song, but that's about it.
    Doms and subs aren't about laziness. It's about control.

    And besides, doms will say to the subs "get on top, ride me" that kind of thing. The dom can instruct the sub to do what they want. You can still ride a dick even if your hands are tied and can't see, you just have to trust the dom.

    • Wow nice! :D I personally hate riding (I feel stupid and awkward), but what you described sounds epic- riding whilst blindfolded and cuffed. Kudos to you! :D And I guess that's the wrong way to look at it, who's more "active" and who's more "lazy". I guess with our style it comes down to the power struggle and control.

    • How do you feel about riding? Do you like it? Do you feel awkward and embarrassed too? What are your feelings towards it?

    • I would really like to be more open minded to sex this year and maybe explore things I usually hate doing, such as riding. Maybe you could tell me some positives about it and what you like about it. It would be helpful :3

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Most Helpful Guys

  • Because people confuse being a sub with beign passive. A girl just taking it is lazy, a girl that's the one recieving but actively uses her body to stimulate (for example using the pelvic muscle to tighten when he enters, and loosen when he pulls out) does just as much work as him.
    Same goes if she's taking him cowgirl with him laying there like a living dildo, conuntrary to actively thrusting back.

    I think both do about the same work, but that it varies with position. And remember everyone, sub generally just means you're not able to controll the pace (to some extent) and doesn't "lead" the act. If both work it makes it all a lot better (seriously girls, using the pelvic muscles makes you more sensitive, and makes it better for him. Win win i'd say)

    • Awesome answer! :) I agree with you. I like how you described a guy who just lays there as a 'living dildo' xD Hahahaha this happened to me in my past, unfortunately. I was so bored. I'm a sub myself, and I never just lie there. I've talked to other part-time-doms on this site and some have expressed their frustration that many sub chicks just do nothing (dull doms don't seem to give a fuck, they're just controlling her and bossing her around). I think it's a give and take relationship. Just because one is not in control doesn't mean they don't or CAN'T do the same amount of work. It's just that different roles require different TYPES of work. Awesome answer! :)

    • Hehe, yeah. Can't say i'm lucky enough to have been with a girl yet (no rush XD only 19), but i've heard some amusing stories about girls using their pelvic muscle to pretty much turn him into putty, then flip the tables on them (LOL) So yeah, a girl should be able to turn her guy into putty (figuratively speaking), as well as a guy should be able to do the same with his girl. As you so wonderfully put it, "give and take." Takiing isn't about letting him pound away or her riding you like you're a toy, it's about comunicating to make it as good as possible for both. Sometimes the guy might want to just ravage you til your tongue's hanging out of your mouth in utter bliss (not necesarily litterally, but you get my point) and that's more than okay, but don't forget to give in return too ;) Oh, and just so you know. A girl just taking it could just as well be a living sex doll :P

    • I meant full dom* earlier. And yeah :) What do you mean by "putty"? Personally, I'm a hard sub. I don't switch. But I'm not lazy, I do various stuff. Not only in foreplay, but during sex too :) You're a virgin? Do you sense you're specialising in a role? For instance, ever since I could masturbate, I've dreamt of being a sub.

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  • On the one hand, the Dom/me has to tie her up and be creative in his/her interactions with the sub.

    On the other hand, the sub has to obey their orders and endure any physical torture their Dom/me doles out.

    I would say it's pretty close, but then again I put my subs through very rigorous training, I want them disciplined and obedient, and I push them further and further, so with me the sub definitely does more work.

    • Oooooooooh that sounds exciting! :DD How do you train them? Tell me tell me tell me! :) Also, tell me, what do you enjoy about being a dom?

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What Girls & Guys Said

7 8

  • Clarify for me please before I vote. Are we talking during sex or overall?

    • Titles says "sexual"..

    • @wildspirit Sexual does not have to mean during sex play. For example When a sub gives her Dom a bath, or uses herself as a serving trey for his dessert, or curls up in his lap to watch a movie, and other things like that it is sexual but not during sex play. I votes the sub does more work but during sex play the Dom does.

    • Sexual experience, from the first moment of foreplay til the end of the actual fucking.

  • I don't think subs are lazy but it doesn't matter who does how much of the work if both get satisfaction.

    • That's an encouraging answer :) I can't help but agree.

    • Like you once said, a real dom NEEDS to dominate, it's his true desire. So if he's getting what he wants, it shouldn't matter yeah?

    • Absolutely. As long as that naughty little sub's ass is on fire and she's doing her duty, life is good.

  • I think we need to distinguish submissive women who are into BDSM and submissive women who are not into BDSM. The first kind of submissive is likely to be an energetic and active participant in sex, whereas the second kind is more likely to be passive recipients of sex.

    • May I ask, why do you think submissive women who are into BDSM are more energetic and active? :)

    • Well, it takes a certain sexual initiative to get into BDSM in the first place. Plus, their Dom would insist on it, and what kind of sub would be so brash as to defy their Dom? ;)

    • Hahahha that's awesome! :D Yeah I wouldn't deny my dom if that's what he wanted. I'd jump into BDSM.

  • I'd say it's pretty even. Subs have to endure more, while doms have to be more creative.

    • True that :)

  • I'd say subs honestly do more work. Keeping the rhythm, choking back gag reflexes, concentrating on breathing, remembering to whimper/moan, all kindsa stuff.

    • LOL I agree with you :)

    • You can't be serious...

    • Hahaha I agree :) With me, I feel like I do more in foreplay. In actual fucking, he does more. I feel awkward as about riding, so I don't do it. But foreplay, which includes oral, touching, e. t. c, e. t. c, I do more. In terms of dirtytalking, it's about even (thank goodness, as I LOOOVE dirtytalk).

  • A common misunderstanding is that submissiveness = less power, no work, lazy. It isn't hard to see why someone would think that, though.

    • Stereotypes, hey :P I agree with the less power (only because I don't even want it in bed), but the no work and lazy doesn't describe me. Was curious to hear what everybody else had to say.

    • Well, circumstantially submissives can be less powerful, but the choice to be submissive itself is not necessarily done out of fear or weakness, and the person who is dominant is not necessarily using violence or threats to make the other person submissive.

    • Exactly. It's all based around trust and desire :)

  • Thats why you do both😉

    • Some people can. Some of us are born one way or another :P There is more to sexuality than: straight, gay and bi. There's also sub or dom. I believe some people are born hardcore one thing or another. Some are like the "bi" version in sub/dom play, they go both ways. I'm a hard sub. For me it is difficult to be a dom and to enjoy it. I think the only times I would do a dom is if I need money and I'm using a guy, so I'll get on top and do the dominant thing. But that's because I'm using him, not because I'm sexually attracted to him or like him. There's just no way I can enjoy dominance in sex.

  • you guys are fucking weird.

    • Who? For what? :O

  • Doms to More work. Its not saying that subs are lazy, but the two sexual roles are totally different

  • There's a big difference between being a sub and a dead fish.

    • I second that.

  • There doesn't have to be a dom or a sub. It could be neither as well.

    • I realise this. This question is specifically for those who DO have roles.

  • Subs are not lazy, their role is very very very easy yes but sometimes they do so much thing more than doms.
    But most of the time doms do everything.
    Creative fantasies, physical effort,..
    And we have to worry about sub's satisfaction but they don't have to. They just have to obey some rules and in most of bdsm relationships, these rules are very soft.

    So i voted A:)

    • Do you prefer submissive men or submissive women? :)

    • Submissive men:D

    • Ooooh that's rare! :D Satisfy my curiosity, what about it appeals do you? Why do you like it? Personally, I'd hate to be dominant in sex to a man, but I'm being open minded this year so I'd like to know :)

  • I know where this came from.

    I think it's about misunderstanding an arrangement they know little-to-nothing about. It's easy to assume one does all the work in any kind of relationship, but especially with THOSE kinds of relationships because of how it appears to those not involved.

  • I think both play their part , are you a dom?

    • Nope, a sub. But I cannot speak on the behalf of others subs, I have no idea what they do in sex. Personally, I'm not lazy. But I wanted to hear other people's stories. Also to hear what doms had to say.

    • Most of the times im the aggressior, but sometimes i like to be pampered

    • Why does that appeal to you, being pampered? :)

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  • That's why they are called submissive, they are acted upon most of the time.. So naturally the doms do more work

    • Hmmm interesting interpretation. I interpret it differently. As a sub myself, I do more pleasing because that is my duty (and I love it). My guy does the actual FUCKING, but in terms of foreplay and pleasure, I'd like to think I do more work :) Are you a sub or dom?

    • I'm a sub kitten too :P

    • So what do you do? Do you feel like you do any work in sex?

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