Was it cheating or were we just friends with benefits?

I have been seeing this guy for 4 months, it started out as short dating which lead to a fling. Then we both got feelings for each other and decided to call it off because neither of us wanted just friends with benefits nor a relationship.

Later we met at a party and things were back on. After a while I again decided we should end things since I was having feelings for him and I told him that and that I couldn't handle if he hooked up with someone else.

The break up only lasted a few days, and we were back on. During this time we became very close friends.

Recently I went away for 2 weeks and when I came back he 'accidently' without planning to, revealed to me that he had slept with someone else during that time.

I was very upset and felt betrayed, but did I really have the right to be? Was it just friends with benefits or did we actually have some sort of relationship? I still want the friendship but I'm not sure if I can forgive him.

I will also be leaving the country in 6 weeks and will be away for months, is it then worth the effort to try to forgive him?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think you were both in a relationship from what youve said since you were so off and on.

    The last thing you said about the type of relationship you had with him was "During this time we became very close friends".

    It sounds like it got too over complicated and yet left in the air a bit.

    Of corse you have a right to feel upset because you obviously had feelings for him,from an outsiders point of view it sounds a lot more like friends with benefits then a relationship,and in my opinion since it was never official,it isn't technically cheating-but it is hurtful to you because he knew you had feelings for him,doesnt matter how you label your relationship

    I think instead of worrying if you are right to be upset you should be thinking "do I want this guy enough to throw caution to the wind and have a r.ship" Or you can carry on as you are but you will have to keep your feelings in check if he gets it on with other people.

    Plus he's already hurt you-although maybe not maliciously,you need to decide how he really feels about you given that he said he has feelings but sleeps with someone else.

    I don't know,if you are going away,even if you got with him it'd be long distance...so maybe you could just have friends with benefits if you can handle it,or just friends.

    Personally I would think it was too much effort and complication for too little gain,considering you are going away.I might try and be strictly friends with him but I wouldn't confuse the issue by looking any further then that.

    • I agree with what you are saying. The question is no longer if I want a relationship with him, but can I salvage our friendship?

      He says he separated our friendship from the sex completely. Whereas I connected the two. He also says he wanted a relationship but was fighting it. He is the king of mixed messages.

      Everyone thought we were in a relationship, and because of his guilty conscience when he revealed he slept with someone else I feel very betrayed and not sure if I can trust him ever.

    • Firstly,imo you don't fight it if you want a relationship.

      Secoundly,he has hurt you and yu don't know if you can trust him-not a good thing to have in friendship,too much water under the bridge imo id just move on.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • You have to understand that you were with a guy who ALLOWS to be with girls who want friends with benefits. This should have already told you about this character. Did you really think that by confronting him with your feelings that he would "change"?

    It's best you find someone better. Sorry...


What Girls Said 1

  • Wow tough call! I mean, it seems like you both knew what you didn't want and that was a relationship! So it does seem like it was "friends with benefits". I can see how you feel betrayed, because sleeping with a person does create a closeness with that person! But honestly, you can't really be mad at him because neither one of you wanted a relationship which means you are both free to do what you want and with whom you want. Maybe the time apart from him will help you realize what you want from him. Be it a friendship or a relationship.