Help me get over a 6 month affair with a married man. I'm also married and we became best friends aswell?

[dailystruggle13282]

I've been having an affair for 6 months on and off with a married man. I'm also married. I've fallen in love with him and him me. But we both love our husband and wife aswell. And both have young children. So none of us will leave them. But we've become best friends. Were both closed off people. Have walls up. But we were the first to break down each other's walls as friends during the off periods. He had a serious health scare. Confided in me alone about it. Took a while for me to see something was wrong and I pushed for the truth and he told me but still stayed a closed book with his family as he usually does. I'm the same. Told him things that I had been through. Don't tell anyone else and he helped me through that each step of the way. Were mostly friends. But the sexual tension between us has led to us having sex/oral sex about 7 times over the last 6 months. We just can't resist. I know what I need to do and have ended our friendship so many times. He has too. But we can't live without talking/txting and so the cycle begins. I don't want to lose him. I really do love him and him me. But we both still want our family's. Please don't be harsh on me. I know it's wrong. I know it's bad. But you truly cannot help who you fall in love with. Is it just lust? I keep thinking of a johnny depp quote. "If you fall for a second person, choose the second. Because if you loved the first. You would never have fallen for the second" but I can't live without the first. I still love him. The chemistry has gone.

[thetundrawolf]

So the chemistry is gone?

The reason you have fallen for this new guy who is not your husband is because you are closed off to your husband.

And in a way, he is closed off to you too.

In dating, that is what is supposed to be found out. What walls you have up. How to overcome them, and how to surrender and open up to your potential mate. Done properly and with diligence and abstinence, this sort of thing will not happen.

All of your emotional needs should be met by your husband. Do not blame him, because it takes two to tango.

You *CAN* help who you fall in love with. Sorry, but that is an excuse from a weak- willed society. I speak from experience.

Instead of surrendering to these enticing and vibrant feelings you have for the illegitimate man, and further ripping your family apart, you need to address the walls and barriers between you and your husband.

You should come to him with an open and humble heart, forgetting any and all strong, but illegitimate emotions you have or had for this guy. Simply, you must forget him. It is going to take will on your part, and you CAN do it. If you work with him you must quit your job or it will happen again. He must be cut out of your life. Change your number.

Come to your husband with the resolve that you ARE going to make it work. You screwed up and you are going to have to deal with that, now. It is going to make everything ten times harder than it had to be.

But you must get through it. Barriers must come down for your husband. Realize the healthy lives of your children depend on it (literally). He must open up to you, and you to him. This is decision time for you both, but bottom line, if he does not fill those desires, either because you refuse to allow him to try, or because he feels disconnected from you because of your infidelity or any other reason, your marriage is not going to be good.

[dailystruggle13282]

I get what your saying, I really do. But I lack the will power to cut him out my life. I think about him every second of everyday. He haunts my dreams aswell. A big part I didn't mention is that I have ms! My husband pulls me through everyday. But that's what our marriage has become. Him caring for me. When I'm with the other guy I feel free from it and normal :(

[thetundrawolf]

I see. Well, your heart is gravitating further and further away from your husband. He is devoting himself to you... And you are devoting yourself to another man, when you pledged your life to your husband. have you ever considered giving your husband the same affections you give this other man? And you must cut this other man out of your life or you marriage will wither and die, and your children will grow up in a single parent home, watching mommy fall for another guy while daddy struggles to love and care for mommy, who only loves another guy. If you cannot consider your husbands heart, consider the lives of your children because they ARE watching.

[thetundrawolf]

63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (US Dept. Of Health/Census) – 5 times the average. 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes – 32 times the average. 85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average. (Center for Disease Control) 80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes –14 times the average. (Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26) 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes – 9 times the average. (National Principals Association Report) Father Factor in Education - Fatherless children are twice as likely to drop out of school. Children with Fathers who are involved are 40% less likely to repeat a grade in school. Children with Fathers who are involved are 70% less likely to drop out of school. Children with Fathers who are involved are more likely to get A’s in school.

[AustinMan]

Been there, done that except it went on for eleven years. Having an affair is like having a part time job. It takes a lot of energy. I'm going to forgo the guilt of it. You have two choices: 1) You can sit down and completely analyze all the risks and how to mitigate them for as long as possible. Be very careful and methodical in your planning and you can keep the secret for a good while. Eventually one of you will make a mistake and you'll be found out so prepare for that as well. 2) You can cut off communication with each other completely and forever, deal with the pain and grieve your loss, and move on. I recommend option 1. While there will indeed be hell to pay at some point, I found it more than worth it.

[Starfishlover]

You are disgusting. I hope your gf or wife dumped your ass and I am so glad you paid you disgusting, cheap whore

[AustinMan]

Nice lady. Very appropriate. Somehow I think the cheating one is your ex or maybe all of them. In any event, I hope you feel better now that you got to vent.

[Starfishlover]

You dont deserve anyone being appropriate with you or that hoe asking the question. You should all be put into exile and fed to pirhannas.

[dailystruggle13282]

A stupid bitch born in a world with no complications and everything is only in black and white

[AustinMan]

Amen!

[Starfishlover]

COMPLICATIONS?

[Starfishlover]

WHAT COMPLICATIONS? A DEVOTED HUSBAND IS A COMPLICATION? YOU are the only complication you stupid whore

[AustinMan]

What is with all the name calling and ranting? Your husband would clearly be entitled to a pass for cheating on you since he got cheated when he married you.

[Starfishlover]

Opinion owner, for one I am not married and I have never been married. Secondly, I would kill myself trying to make him happy. If he is going to be disgusting then what can I do? I am a pretty good catch you know.

[AustinMan]

Given that most of us select avatars that are in some way representative, I'd say the your being a good catch is very much in the eye of the beholder, in this case, yours. This sounds so familiar after 27 years of it. I believe there is a very, very good chance that you have a big ol' bag of unresolved anger and when particular subjects come up, like this one, the bag explodes most disproportionately, hence your juvenile and pedantic rants. Please, spare us your ongoing diatribe. Go find somewhere else to spew.

[Starfishlover]

Opinion Owner, I will tell you something about my unresolved anger. Which by the way, is not anger but passion. I am passionate about morality and ethics. I am passionate about people abusing a beautiful thing like marriage where you made a vow to be together forever and to never hurt each other and you turn around and abuse it. Yes sir I am a good catch, I wear my heart on my sleeve and spoil my men. Opinion owner I think you are thinking of me as the asker. I am a different person. Anyway, I am extremely angry that you guys are blessed with someone that loves you till the end of time and you abuse them. THAT is what makes me angry. Of course you would be dismissive, you have the moral compass of a teaspoon, if that. So why dont you show your spouses a bit of respect and stop being whores. You are passing diseases to the poor people!

[AustinMan]

!) I no longer cheat and I believe in grace and forgiveness. 2) My wife gets treated like a princess in ways physical, emotional, spiritual, and for damn sure--sexual. I'm glad you can cast the first stone. Have you applied to the Pharisees yet?

[Starfishlover]

Ok then I'm glad you can keep it in your pants now and your amazing wife was gracious enough to forgive your arse. Some people get away with murder, I swear to God. Remember, I have every right to judge and cast the first stone. Because unlike you, I live my life with morals and ethics, and if I was lucky enough to have what you have, I would guard it with my life. But I guess you can have some credit for not being a whore anymore *slow sarcastic clap*. Bravo, just fucking bravo.

[AustinMan]

You use such foul language when the man I believe had the ultimate morals couldn't cast the first stone. You need to reexamine yourself and your positions. I'm not advocating adultery. I'm justsaying you aren't the Grand Arbiter despite your huge trash mouth.

[Starfishlover]

Honey, my trash mouth is better than what you did.

[AustinMan]

Has it occurred to you yet that I could care less what foul mouthed, ranting lunatic like you thinks? Please, give the tirades a rest.

[Starfishlover]

If you cared you wouldn't reply to me :D

[Starfishlover]

Can I just say that what you are doing is immoral and horrible? How could you just a marriage like this? And not only yours, but another woman's aswell, And then you turn around and say that the chemistry has changed? What stupidity is this? Let me tell you something, woman to woman. IT was a sucky thing to do and you KNEW it was a sucky thing to do. WHen you exchanged vows, you made a promise together to stand by each other. Cheating on your spouse is one of the most disgusting, dehumanising, and self-deprecating thing that you can do. IT pisses me off that there are women out there that would love to be married and here is your ungrateful ass, just opening your legs to every Tom, Dick and Harry. Listen to me, I am a 26 year old woman and I see that I am younger than you and probably more attractive than you, I had a SLEW of married men come after me but you know what I did? I yelled at them to get lost. I suggest that you lose contact with the other man and if you are unhappy with your husband, there is a thing called communication and counselling that you can part- take together. I am sick and tired of those people that say "The chemistry has gone from our marriage"- That lovey dovey feeling that you had when you first together is definitely going to go. But love is not a natural feeling, It is a choice!!! I am pretty disgusted and dissapointed at you and you are going to get a lot of judgement and harsh words. IF I was you, I would go back to my husband, I would tell him of the terrible things you did and beg his forgiveness. Just so that maybe he could have an opportunity to cheat on you too or leave an ungrateful woman like you in favor of a classy lady.

[Starfishlover]

And if you lack the will power, I would go to the other man, and beg him to block me, never talk to me again and never even thing of me. I Would then delete his number off my phone... then in time, you would forget about him.

[Starfishlover]

So pissed off that women like you are married and women like me are single! SO PISSED!!!

[dailystruggle13282]

Your "probably" more attractive than me? Wow you have a big head! I'm a dam good looking lady! Don't demoralise me! If I was to put my picture up and you did too! I would win! Hands down! Looks mean nothing to me! There's more to looks! It's been my downfall for years! Girls not wanting to be your friend coz your pretty! That seriously sucked! And all the unwanted attention even infront of my husband from sleezy guys! Go away! Lol

[Starfishlover]

Yeah you are about as attractive as a cum-dumpster. That is what you are to the other man. You DESERVE to be demoralised! Leave the other woman's husband alone! You don't even know how to spell or execute grammar! It is YOU'RE you half- wit! Let's see what you look like. You are probably a walking STD! I feel sorry for your husband, spreading your whore legs around and giving HIM diseases! I feel sorry for him and your poor children, for they have a cum-dumpster as a mother!

[dailystruggle13282]

Yeah coz half wit! And cum dumpster is proper grammar! Lol it's text talk u idiot! I have a masters so fuck off!! YOU'RE such a selfish bitch! U think because I have a disability, ms! YOU must look better? Please! I can't stand sick minded people who presume someone who has a disability must look ugly! Sit down! My illness is invisible unless I relapse! Often! Then I don't go out til it settles and I can walk again! Fuck off you judgmental bitch! People like u should be fed to the sharks! Attempting to look down your nose at them because they're disabled! "I must look better" pfttttt I probably look better than you when I'm lying in a hospital bed in contracture than u do ! Go away

[Starfishlover]

I didn't have any clue you had a disability, whore. You deserve to be judged so don't go around opening your legs and think that people are going to turn the other way. Especially putting your affairs on this website. I hate a right to be high and mighty because my moral compass ALWAYS points due north!! The only disability you have is whore-itis.

[Starfishlover]

And you say shit like you lacking power, FUCK YOU AND YOUR LACK OF WILL POWER!! I HATE WOMEN LIKE YOU!! WHY ARE WOMEN LIKE YOU BLESSED WITH KIDS AND A HUSBAND AND NOT ME? I am an extremely attractive lady and people say I am intimidating and I have not found the right man because they always think that I am going to be like you, a whore because I am this attractive. They think attractive ladies are whores probably. But I promise God that I Will NEVER even think about another man or leave him. A wife should stick with her husband and ONLY her husband!! Whore.

[Mgoods]

My love, this is a shitty situation... But you know it's going to end so badly.

You have to do the whole non-contact thing.

Imagine your life without hubby in it, you won't be happy knowing what you did to him, either.

It's such a messy situation. You HAVE to go no contact! It's hard at first, but if you make the effort to actively find that love for hubby again- spend a few minutes of everyday just kissing him and cuddling, do spontaneous things with him, start going on dates every week- it will get easier.
As soon as you start to rekindle that love, you'll start to see that affair differently, you'll realise the mistake you made!

[Anonymous]

You love your husband and are in love with this other man. The truth will eventually come out. Do everyone in the situation a favor and you both need to break it off with your husband and wife. You can't have the best of both worlds. I'm not trying to bash you. Also this all could be grass is always greener on the other side and 9 out of 10 times it ISNT!

[dailystruggle13282]

We've both agreed we don't want to destroy our family's for the sake of our children though. And I lack will power to cut him out my life :(

[Opinion Owner]

You have already destroyed your family. What your doing now is being fake and escaping accountability because you're selfish.

[Starfishlover]

Couldn't have said it better myself

[islands7]

Well you only have to look around at others that went through this or simply go to the movies to know how this turns out. The worst case is that you lose BOTH when the news hits the fan. So I assume you'll continue this affair and simply say SORRY when caught, hope for the best & forgiveness from #1. If that's "the plan", then better begin investing more in #1 to insure forgiveness will easily be forthcoming... don't make me explain the what/how of such investing, others can do that.

[mikereno]

It's not right but you already know that. If you feel you can't be with your partner without straying then you need to be a real woman and finish it.. I can't imagine what you feel about it all. Very hard situation but you have to make a choice

[AsianLad]

Love is a powerful thing.
It's good that you don't want to mess each other's lives up.
Life's short, make the most of each other x

[Sreemukh]

Don't take for granted what and whom you have. I'm assuming that your husband is loyal, don't make him a loser for trusting you. Life is not just about us, it also means sacrifising for the people that have been there for us when we needed them. I can't tell you what to do. I can't control your decision, but you can. You have 2 options. 1. You can choose to walk away with another guy that you now supposidly love 2. You can make a decision to put others around you in first place instead of prioritisng yourself.

And what if tommorow you fall in love with another person? What would you do then? Walk away again? I don't mean to be harsh, I'm just giving you food for thought, because only you can control your emotions. If can't control, then nobody else can.

[front2back]

"But we both love our husband and wife aswell."

BAHAHAHAHA!!! I can smell the bullshit from here! If you were actually in love you wouldn't be having an affair. Get real.

[QueenofSilentFoxes]

You are very wise :P

[dailystruggle13282]

Life is not that simple. It is possible to love more than one person. Happens everyday. Unless your a nun

[Anonymous]

You need to tell your husband before he finds out. That is TERRIBLE!!! I say couples counseling. But you need to divorce