Why do I keep going back to him?

A few months ago, I lost my virginity to this guy that I met at a bar (please don't judge). But the thing is, I wasn't able to orgasm, probably because i was drunk. A few days ago I had sex with him again after not seeing each other for months. Again I wasn't able to orgasm, but he was! The first time he was sweet and tried to do some foreplay but the second time he was more rough and selfish. I've had sex with other guys before him, but for some reason I want to keep going back to him until he can make me cum. I don't love him and I know he just wants sex, but I feel like i can't leave him alone until he gives me an orgasm. Maybe because he was the first guy that I opened myself up to, so i'm comfortable about my body with him, but it just sucks because I never feel satisfied when we are having sex. The only time we've seen each other is late at night when were drunk. I don't even consider us friends, because our relationship is purely sexual. But I dont know how to let him go. The next time I see him, i'm planning on showing up sober and have sex to see if i can finally orgasm. Maybe that will finally release me from this hold that he has on me. Its crazy i know. When he's not here, I can think about him and get fully wet and can orgasm on my own just by the thought of him, but when were having sex ( drunk only) i can't be satisfied. he's the only guy i feel like this towards. Is it because he was my first and I feel like there is still unfinished business on my part because i couldn't cum from him? diagnose me please lol I hope this question makes sense.
Why do I keep going back to him?
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