Was it wrong of me not to give him a blow job?

Question

I went on a first date with a guy... very late at night. We met at 11 pm. After one beer, we really started having a good time. I had no idea he had been drinking before he met me! Yeah, we met on tinder. 

Anyways, we finally connected after it starting out as a really weird date where he just wasn't saying much. We walked to another bar in hopes that we could get drinks since this one closed... it was closing too so we went back to my place.

He eventually kissed me. It was cute! However, no good can come from bringing anyone home on the first date. I even told him that I wouldn't do anything on the first date...

Time really starts rolling by and he fingers me! I know, I'm super weak, I gave in. He said he was fine w/ not getting anything back and that he doesn't like to have sex on the first date (I agreed!). I told him I didn't want to do anything... he said it was fine if I just received...

Flash forward to like 7 am, he can't decide if he wants to stay, he doesn't want sex... and then he decides he wants a blow job. I'm SO tired. I like, asleep pretty much. The night ends w/ him leaving at 7 am b/c he said he'll sleep better at his place... then I asked if the evening was ruined and he said yes b/c I wouldn't give him a blowjob. I said I was sorry... but it was the first time we met! I was exhausted and he was really drunk. He was so drunk he couldn't even keep it up for a handjob (which I attempted). How was a bj supposed to be any better?

Plus, when I got up to let him out I just felt so cornered in my own apartment... We kissed again and he was totally willing to take his clothes off allover again. I just wanted to sleep. I even offered to let him stay. Anyways, I feel bad, but at the same time I felt like I was being a little forced.

Stacyzee · Accepted Answer

Your first date was going to a bar at 11pm?
Sounds like a night that's going to end in sex to me.
If I were looking for something a bit more serious (not casual sex),
I would decline if I was asked out to a bar on first meet.
The whole thought of possibly getting drunk and thinking about
what could happen would be unappealing to me.

You WEREN'T wrong for saying no.
You're not obligated to give him anything.
The guy saying you ruined his night all because you didn't give a blow job
shows what he only wants from you.
Not a big surprise to me.

I think you two are looking for two completely different things.
If that is the case don't lead him on.
(You let things get a bit sexual)
Of course he's going to want more.

crazyincalifornia · Accepted Answer

Of course not.
You were both drunk, and a bit stupid if you ask me.
At least he didn't force you. Thank god.

Be more careful, more responsible, and maybe lay some early ground rules about what you will and will not do.

Getting fingered by a new guy is fun fun fun, for sure. but as you can see it might turn into "I did for you now you should do for me". He has a point there.

These are really the things that actually sometimes lead to rape charges that I and many other girls aren't buying into.
Love ya anyway
XD

__jessicats · Accepted Answer

There's really nothing less sexy than a man asking for a blow job. I definitely don't think you did anything wrong. He said he didn't need to receive. He shouldn't say shit he doesn't mean.

islands7 · Accepted Answer

Sounds like he should have had a great time for date #1
his planning was poor
his indecision or dishonesty was poor
his "giving" was really just your warm up for things to come for him = poor
you went along with the bar hopping so late = A
you allowed him comforts of home = A
you allowed him body access = wow
you even gave sunrise HJ = oohlala on any date #
... and he somehow became a judge of dating?
I doubt anyone has spoiled him like this or worse,
so his judgment is bogus and unfounded by any sense.
Therefore, any further thoughts of being bad in this context should be laundered - like this guy.

evenlift · Accepted Answer

No, you weren't wrong. You said you didn't want to do anything. You actually gave him more than you agreed: you gave him a handjob. So, he certanly shouldn't be complaining. He got better than he bargained for!

imdaonedatgotaway · Answer

first date and asks for head. girl, run away

kheserthorpe · Answer

You were up front about it so no.

Red_Dragon · Answer

Nah you told him you don't want to do anything and he even agreed. Plus he was drunk. Not wrong at all.

bestadviceguy · Answer

No. Lesson learned. Personally you sound like a cool date, your guy for the night, not so cool.

Anonymous · Answer

Why do girls make white guys wait so long for the pussy but they let black guys fuck them so quick. Is it because the size differ from a white boy 6 to 8 inches or a black man w a uncircumsized 9 to 12 inch dick.

Anonymous · Answer

He is a scummy or creepy guy. I don't like to use the word creepy but you are foolish to date people you don't know and bring them in your home. When he told you he only wanted to give and not receive he was lying. Just some fyi also. Hand jobs are lousy and blow jobs feel so much better. That being said that guy didn't deserve one and you were right to delete his number. I am afraid for you that he knows where you live. Not smart but you will learn from this hopefully.