Does he like me or does he just want sex?

Question

So I've been talking to this guy for two months. Apparently we liked each other from the first day we met and we've just maintained a flirtatious relationship. He keeps on pressuring me for sex despite the fact that a) our relationship has been declared and b) I told him that I wasn't going to have sex with him until I felt comfortable. The first time he texted me about it (After he slept over in my dorm) stating that it was hard to cuddle me without having some kind of "release" to which I kindly responded by saying that I've never slept with anyone before and I'd like my first time to mean something and I don't wanna feel like shit after yadda yadda yadda... The second time he texted me about it was yesterday. He basically stated that he can't be in a relationship unless he's getting sex. When I told him he should be looking for girls who would cater to his needs ASAP, he said that he didn't "mean it that way" and that he meant "in time/in the future." 

He apologized and said that I'm different from other girls and that I'm special (although I'm sure he's said this to his past girlfriends). He said that I made him cry because I was trying to cut him off quickly.

It's so annoying that he doesn't understand that I'm not being prude on purpose. I've been physically abused before and a similar incident almost happened just this past month (I haven't told him about this). Plus, I wasn't raised in an affectionate household so cuddling and holding him is foreign to me. I try to show my affection for him in other ways. I wrote him a letter last week commending him for still being able to deal with me despite my pushing him away. I basically told him that I was falling in love with him. It's like everything I said didn't matter because he was still accusing me of giving him a hard time. I don't know how to approach talking to him tomorrow. I don't want to accuse him for only wanting me for my body, but it's the vibe I'm getting.

snowboarder720 · Accepted Answer

I think that's really cool that you feel strongly about your decision for no sex. That takes a lot of self respect, good for you. There isn't anything wrong with that, but it may be unfortunate for this guy you're dating because he obviously feels differently. If you haven't figured, guys really like physically interacting with a girl in a relationship. That doesn't always mean sex, like cuddling, holding hands, hugging, etc.
So far I think you've played your cards smart. Telling him your feelings is always a good step one. Despite a troubled past, I think you should care for his feelings in exchange. Cuddle with him more, hug him when you see him, etc. We like having a girl who physically shows that she cares about us. A handwritten letter doesn't really show physical affection.
I know you have had a troubled past, I'm sorry to hear about that. I think you need to help yourself out by telling him about your troubles. Maybe he can help ya out? We love helping our girlfriends out, that's how we feel important to our girlfriends. We love solving their problems and earning trust.
Basically what I suggest is for you to physically open up to him a bit more. Let him know who you are by talking with him and tell him about your "happy days" as well as your "sad days". If he continues with the whole "why can't we have sex" talk, then he's a waste of your time, energy, and you should dump him.

beesod · Accepted Answer

You asked him to be open and he was. You can't blame your partner for wanting you sexually. Imagine if he didn't want you that way!

He would be worth forgetting about if he forced you to do what you are not confident with. Not if he is simply speaking his mind.

Just because I guy wants sex doesn't mean he is only interested in sex. Yes there are a lot of guys who are, but there are a lot of guys who also see it as a greater step than kissing, eg making love. I wouldn't have sex with a girl I didn't have loving feelings for.

Breannanana · Accepted Answer

Sorry to say he just wants sex I am on the same situation. I went out with a guy and after I told him I wasn't just some hook up he still tried to have sex with me on the first date... it was annoying he said he wants me badly but he can wait. Then he kept making out with me and tried again... kept telling me how much he likes me etc. I know he just wants sex though and you gotta stay strong and wait for the right man because these are not men they are boys 💗