Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Can a 'Friends With Benefits' relationship ever turn into a serious relationship?

I have this friend, who is a ‘friend with benefits’. Honestly, I am not a slut by any means and this is the only person I’m currently sleeping with. But like I said he is completely a FWB. I have no problem with it, in fact I like our little relationship. It’s very private and it’s like there is not much emotion with it. Yeah, I know what his intentions are with me. But I mean, me and him get along great! I really enjoy being with him. The only problem was when I saw him at the bar… is was kind of weird? I wouldn’t mind actually dating him though! I don’t know if we will ever start dating but I was kind of wondering if FWB relationships ever turn into anything serious.
Updates:
+1 y
Okay maybe I should give a little bit more detail about our situation. We’ve been messing around for 9 months now. He and I have known each other for most of our lives. Both of our families know each other. I have fun with him, and he is very nice!
+1 y
Wow! I have gotten so many replies! Here is the little update… We haven’t spoken in almost 2 months because I found out he had another girlfriend the entire time! Isn’t that something? That explains everything. I took off all communication. Thanks guys!
1 0

Most Helpful Girls

  • NO.

    The answer to your question is always no. ALWAYS. It doesn't matter what the circumstances were or are or what he said to you this time or whatver. You are being used. Strung along. It's just a booty call. Let me guess-he calls you randomly, you meet up, you hook up and then you don't see him for another week or two.

    Please read "Act like a man, Think like a lady" by Steve Harvey. It talks about this from the guys perspective so once you read that, you won't be able to kid yourself its leading to anything else. Steve said that guys are very territorial over their women so if he's not calling you his girlfriend after six months, then its just a booty call. And you've been seeing each other for NINE months and still nothing! He knows you and your family so he's not going to ditch you either because it would be awkward for him at family gatherings etc. Honestly just cut contact with him asap. Delete his number from your phone, delete all the texts, get rid of all his photos.

    You need to raise your standards. You can do better than this. You clearly want a proper boyfriend which is totally normal but you'll never get that with this guy whereas you could with someone else. The longer you spend with him, the more time you're missing out from meeting someone who does want something serious.

  • So let me get this straight you are confusing an FWB with an F-buddy?

    From where I stand - if there is no basis for friendship outside of the scope of the sex -- then I would suggest that you are just an f-buddy with an acquaintence.

    Ok... that being said - is it possible for more? Sure - if it something you BOTH want and decide upon. Clearly you wouldn't have posted this question unless you were thinking of wanting a serious relationship. However you conversely want to detach yourself emotionally and enjoy that part of your current situation. That is confusing and really not compatible.

    Now, ask yourself... is this something he WANTS? Has ever broached the subject? Have you ever been outside of the bedroom? Gone on dates? Done anything remotely romantic?

    I would suggest asking him if he would like to go out for coffee... or see a flick or something. Try to initiate contact outside of the bedroom and see where it goes. Who knows -- after being outside of the bedroom you may have quite the different perception of one-another. Great sex doesn't always translate into great relationship.

    Play safe.

    • Friends with benefits = f*** buddy

  • no. run. he`s a d*** who doesn`t wanna commit himself to you. Mum, Dad- how did you get to know each other?- Oh that`s easy we were f***buddies for about 10 months and then we fell in love?! ever heard that? me neither. forget about him.

    • Hahaha, good way of looking at it.

    • Ha yh :) I had a f*** bud and I wanted to be with him but he was suchhh a d***. so I dumped him and moved on, and now I found the guy I've been waiting for. really. you don't deserve being treated like that :)

    • Lol, I love your example. So true.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Most of the time, FWB situations end up with at least one of the people wanting to turn it into something more. So yes, it can happen, but I wouldn't push a relationship or try to "convince" him with logic that you two should be together. You have to plant the idea in his head that you would be great to date too. You can do that by being seen as a high value person, i.e. someone a lot of guys also are considering to have a relationship with. Don't try to make him jealous, but do make sure he knows you're not locked into anything with him other than your current arrangement.

    • Great answer

    • I agree!

  • Oh dear, you mean you expect a guy who doesn't want to commit himself to you, doesn't want your baggage, problems, nagging, rules, arguments or YOU in general except for being his free sex to change his views on you from being an easy ride into something more?

    What a naive girl you really are, stick to being his f*** buddy or move on to find someone for a real relationship and stop being a freebie because if he wanted more you wouldn't be 'friends with benefits' in the first place.

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What Girls & Guys Said

26 13

  • The critical thing that you need for a relationship is feelings. You have to connect on an emotional level. Now all FWB situations have some level of consideration for the other person, it is not totally void of feelings in that sense. But that is not what you have when you move into a relationship.

    Dating is for getting to know someone and you two already know each other in a few ways, but in the end you would need to let him know that you would like more, that you enjoy him beyond just wanting FWB and see what he has to say about it. He may really enjoy the lack of strings attached to a relationship. Face it, with FWB he has no one to answer to. He can hang with friends, go out when he wants and, yes, even hookup with other girls if he felt like it. Just be open to the idea that he may really want to keep things the way they are.

  • Well 9 months is a long time.. plus we can't tell unless we re also there .. there are sweet little thing that he might that tells you that there a slight chance that this could turn into a relationship...

    I suggest you open up with him and tell him how you feel.. but make sure that he doesn't go all crazy and awkward about it if he doesn't want to..

    Why don't you cook him dinner and spend a night together without actually ending up having sexy together.. just talk and open up ... this could tell you, you know!

  • Good for you. I just read your first post and that is the first thing that went through my mind. A FWB does not equal commitment, quite the opposite actually. Just because you aren't sleeping with anyone else, does not mean he isn't. You did the right thing though. Cold Turkey is how to treat dogs!

  • I think anything is possible. But if one other person doesn't feel the same, of course he or she will turn the other person down and might want to end the FWB relationship because they don't want a serious relationship (intimate/exclusive/bringing to mom and dad relationship).

    Maybe you can talk it out as a 'friend' and you can get some sign if he likes you? It could turn out into one...

  • sometimes they do but usaly nothing meaningfull because it shows it just a time to have fun and some isn't ready to settle down yet. as long as ur happy don't push anythings if it turns into it good but most lieky not but who knows good luck :)

  • as someone who has experienced way too many friends with [some] benefits over the last year and has really thought that I would end up being in a real relationship with 2 of them but that never happened and even the friendship ended [including one recently cause "he" actually got a girlfriend] I will tell you: the chances are slim. the guy's obviously attracted to you just like these guys were to me but, unless the guy really really likes or loves the girl and is into commitment [rare], sorry to say but there will be no commitment. in fact things may get awkward and/or even end if you become clingy or hint that you want a real relationship. so if you want just sex and a friendship then great continue but if you really want a real relationship then don't give him any until he commits. I've learned the hard way...[though at least I'm yet to give a guy "everything".]

  • Doubtful. Why should he commit to a relationship of any kind when he can just sleep with you anyway? Definitely not a foundation to build a real relationship on.

  • Yes. Mine did.

    He has to find other things about you also interesting. At some point you have to push for more.

  • he should have made it official before 9 months. I don't advocate or support the friends with benefits scenario because it isn't going to work out most of the time. if a guy can get stuff for free, he isn't going to work for it.

  • Friends with benefits is retarded and almost always ends with someone getting hurt. If it does turn into an actual relationship the chances of it lasting are absurd.

  • FWB will have difficulty becoming more serious. Not impossible, but difficult. As others have said, one of the friends is likely to get hurt. That's pretty much the nature of the beast.

  • There is no such thing as "friends with bennies" it another way of saying you aren't serious about looking for someone and want somebody anyways. This apply's to anyone who wants a friend with bennies.

    Boy friend + girl friend

    married + unmarried

    Friends with Ben. is like a one night stand but extended.

    • I wanted to apologize for the directness of my comment, please do find it to forgive such blunt behaviors.+

    • This is so true. I've found myself in two different friends with benefits situations and I kept asking myself why does this always happen to me!? ...thinking I wanted more, a serious relationship. Then I finally realized it was actually me who was afraid of commitment and intimacy. Afraid of really putting myself out there and being vulnerable to someone. When you're truly ready for a relationship it will come. Me, I wasn't ready so I kept giving the signals of someone not wanting anything serious (unconsciously)

  • hah I wish! the last friends with benefits I had was a hotty! he fell for me before I did him, so I ruined things and by the time I liked him, it was too late. I have seen this situation work out several times before though, my best friend met her current boyfriend freshman year of university... they were fwbs for like 4 months and then decided to date. and another one of my friends had the same situation except they were friends with benefits for only a few weeks before they went steady! and both couples are still dating now :)

  • go for it! I have the same problem and we have sex but we are trying to stop because we are involed with other people. anyway I think he may be waiting on you to make the relationship serious and no you are not a slut.

    • Good choice!

  • Friends with Benefits are kinda just not really serious. I mean it's like one night stands they are great but they never last and once its over there is really nothing there.

  • if you guys get along really well, then maybe you are comfortable enough to mention it to him. I would just say something like "im going (wherever)...wanna go?" how long has the FWB situation been going on?

    • Weve been messing around for 9 months now. He and I have known each other for most of our lives.

    • Well when I felt that my FWB situation was expiring I gave him the option of either taking me out or moving on. he would text me late nite sometimes when I was out like "im waiting in my bed for you" and I would say "im waiting for you to take me out." thats how you'll know if he sees you for more than a booty call. you have to set some rules. I told him not to call me after 10 and he started calling earlier. you'll figure it out

  • I think friends with benefits is the dumbest thing in the world. If you only want to f*** one person and like spending time with them, why not just date them instead of being FWB? You're going to put yourself through so much heartache if this guy doesn't want to date you back and you fall for him.

    If I was a guy, I wouldn't date a girl who was my FWB. I mean, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

    • This is the best response here.

  • if you like him stop shaging him..becos he's getting what he wants y would he want to be in a realtionship with he can have you for sex and a freind and do what he likes aswell..if you tell him noe mre he mite strt to miss you or mayb miss the sex but if you like him stop giving him sex it cud turn into a realtionship just play little he'd games aswell like cut dwn on the sex and try f*** with his he'd abit tease him but just dnt give him a shag

  • what sign are u? cancer?

    • Gemini.....? Why?

    • Oh ok,,, because cancers are all sluts... lol it really depends why you like him, ?

    • Cancers aren't sluts. They're emotionally clingly and rather fickle, not sure if that makes them sluts. Scorpios should be the sluts of the zodiac, since they're sex gods/esses

    • Show All

  • they could become serious, but not in the long term. FWB are basically just free sex so it's hard for something to develop between the 2 ppl, even though usually one of the people ends up falling for the other. I'd definitely stay away from FWB relationships. they don't really get anyone annywhere.

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