20 year old virgin: asexual or inexperienced?

[Anonymous]

Hey friends, I'm 20 and have hardly been kissed, let alone participated in anything beyond that. The problem is, I don't really have any desire to. Sure, I crush on guys but it tends to be mostly based on their personalities rather than their hotness etc. I find people hot/cute but when I see a photo nothing more happens, they're just hot. I never picture myself getting into bed with them or anything. When I think about a life partner, I think of someone with whom I can depend on and raise a family, rather than our sexual chemistry. I've never really experimented with any of this at all but I'm just wondering your thoughts and next steps!

[shessoheavy]

I am asexual. Asexuality is an orientation and like any other is based on sexual attraction. Are you sexually attracted to people?

Keep in mind that there are other types of attraction: romantic, aesthetic, emotional, sensual, etc. So just because you find someone attractive does not necessarily mean you find them sexually attractive. It is possible to find someone beautiful/handsome and to want to share your life romantically with them, without wanting to have sex. Also there are grey areas where people only experience sexual attraction sometimes or under certain circumstances and these people are called grey asexuals.

Have you ever had a naturally occurring sexual thought? This is usually the most telling question

Sexuality is something that only each individual can determine for themselves, there is no test to see if you are asexual or not.

[shessoheavy]

let me know if you have any questions? :)

[Asker]

Wow thank you! I can't remember ever having a sexual thought towards anyone to be honest. Perhaps I'm in that grey area

[shessoheavy]

I recommend trying these as there are more diverse asexual identities, rather than just mine (I definitely am not grey, I am flaming). I will ask do people seem more attractive to you with their clothes on or off? To me nudity isn't repulsive but it is boring, like a blank canvas. To me girls are the most attractive when they are all "jazzed up".

https://www.asexuality.org/en/

[Anonymous]

Society has a lot to answer for..
just because most people have 2 or three partners before they settle down etc doesn't mean that's right or "expected" for everyone..
Some people screw around with lots and lots of people... that isn't right for everyone either...

Just because you think someone looks hot.. doesn't mean it will go anywhere..
Are you happy as you are for now? then that's what counts..

personality and connection ARE far more important.. so your instinct is right... don't be fooled into sleeping with anyone that comes along.. go with your gut instinct..
Honesty and trust are the cornerstones of a solid relationship.. without these it doesn't matter how hot and sexy anyone is..

So.. don't worry about society expectations and peer pressures, be happy and life your life how you want too...

[bombamboum]

I don't think it means you're asexual. A lot of women don't experiment masturbation before they're sexually active and don't necessarily feel the need to have sex. It will probably happen when you find the right guy. You might not be that into it, just like you might happen to love it

[Arianna16]

there's nothing to worry about! one day u will have the sexual connection

[Resuscitatior]

I need a girl like u

[Anonymous]

you are blessed. it's the society that is so perverse that makes you think the normal thing would be to be a slut by now.