Friends with benefits...escalating into a...? Help.

[amast21]

Okay, there's this guy I've been sleeping with for almost 4 months. Were kind of like Friends with Benefits. I told him from the beginning what I will and won't tolerate. Example: If he doesn't text me for a max of 3 days then I will just cross him off my list. Now, I gave him my expectations from the beginning..and most guys don't last at all being this perfect and on top of things. We have great sex obviously...but I don't know if it is just FWB's anymore? I think it might be escalating into something else. Since the beginning until now, we would hangout for hours, watching the game, cuddling, movies and whatever. I think we are both starting to develop feelings for eachother... but he knows I'm afraid of relationships. He's a sweetheart, but constantly says that I am complicated and difficult to understand? Maybe its cause I give him mixed signals. We currently had a talk about how were not having sex with anyone else. I don't know what that means, but he knows that if he messes up one bit...im gone. He's sucha great guy and we get along great. I don't know what to do or what to think of him. Do you think he's starting to like me?

[ilovelegs]

In a way, right now you're already very close to being in a relationship. The fact that you want him to be texting you often plus neither of you are having sex with anyone else is almost like a commitment to each other. Yes, I do think he's starting to like you but you're also starting to like him too. If you want what you have going now to develop into a relationship then just continue what you now have going and stop worrying ahead of time about what possible problems might come up, etc. But if you're afraid of being in a relationship then you have to start not being so available and tell him you prefer to kinda keep together the FWB thing you now have going and not let it get any closer. Once the emotions get involved it's hard to control our feelings. You have every right to expect him to tow the line as far as the FWB relationship you have and to be keeping in touch with you like you expect, plus be available when you need him and making sure he doesn't mess up. If that's what you expect then he should be willing to live up to your expectations, or like you said.. "you're gone!" Why not try to make your relationship more sexual rather than romantic so that you don't continue to develop even deeper feelings towards each other than you already have. Try to cool your feelings slowly and go back to just the close friendship kind of thing like it started out if you're afraid of relationships and wait until you aren't. .

[cuteflirtygirl]

I think that's what she should do too.

[amast21]

Good advice. I agree, Although it is a sexual relationship... but like not nearly all of it. Its complicated I guess. He's been hurt in the past before, and so have I. But I feel like my guard is a lot more up. He is not clingy at all, which I do like...hes just the right amount to not scare me off. I don't know, I think I'm just gonna play it out, and see what happens. I know he won't ever bring a "relationship" up. Cause he knows those are like death words to me in a way. lol.

[ilovelegs]

Well it's good that it's mostly just a sexual relationship because then it'll be easier to keep it at little distance from a romantic one. Stay away from any romance thing between you like it's a plague so that it doesn't get any closer because you don't want to ruin what you now have going. Whenever anything even near close gets brought up that signals you're starting to like each other more make sure to cool it right then. However, make sure it keeps in touch with you like you expect. him.

[ilovelegs]

Correction to my comment: "...make sure "he" keeps in touch..." Also, make sure you continue not tolerant things like you said, "Example: If he doesn't text me for a max of 3 days then I will just cross him off my list", and, ".. but he knows that if he messes up one bit...im gone" You have every right to expect this type of behavior out of him, and no less if he wants to stay being your FWB which I'm sure he does.

[amast21]

That's exactly what I'm doing, thanks for the advice! :)

[122092aka]

I think he really likes you, he obviously wants a commitment but you won't offer one, if you like him try to get over your relationship complex and give him a shot.

[amast21]

I think he does too.. I'm just afraid to get hurt again. I feel like he's too good to lose if he put up with all my games and bullsh*t for this long.

[122092aka]

Youll never fall in love if your scared of a relationship, give him a chance realy.

[jerseyse410]

Give the man a chance, he's clearly trying as hard as he can without spooking you. Please, I know it hurts and I know its hard but I really think you could be happy with him, he sounds like a good guy and it sounds like you are ready to get back into the game. Try to open up to him one night and see what happens. Best of luck to you two.