Sexual Relationships
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Boyfriend is mad at me because I won't do this one thing for him in bed?

Ok, so my bf claims that our sex life is sucky because I'm selfish & not "open enough" in bed. So according to him, this is causing our relationship to deteriorate and "he doesn't know if we'll last." The catch is, he wants me to lick his asshole. Just straight out. He says it'll feel really good for him and that'd I'd be the an absolute "sex goddess" for giving him the best orgasm ever. Saying he'd be on his hands and knees for me and stuff. But that's where he poops and farts!! And not only that, licking it with the hairs all inside... it really wigs me out, but I don't want to ruin our sex life, and our relationship. Am I being selfish?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • No, no you are not being the least bit selfish. You're not obligated to do anything for anyone in bed, and what he wants isn't likely to do anything for you, and is kind of far out there (relatively speaking).

    If it's a dealbreaker for him, he will be happier finding someone who enjoys doing that :/ If it's something that's very important to his sex life, he will probably be happier finding someone who enjoys doing that, too - and you'll be happier with someone who doesn't like it, if you don't want to do it. I mean, do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who keeps pestering you? no fun :(

    A few suggestions for conversation topics:

    1st, you're not a sex goddess, you're a person. You're not a sex toy, you're a person. He's got to accept that.

    What other things can you do for him in bed that you would enjoy too?

    Is it essential to his sex life and does he need to rethink the relationship? - definitely give time for thought here :p

    Something for you to think about: if this is something he really wants but is okay with only rarely, how would you feel about letting him do it with someone else? Maybe a 3-some with some cute guy who likes to do it.

    And if you want to try it, you can use protection - just like with any other oral sex. Put some lube on his asshole, put saran wrap (ISTR that's okay? Google it) over, and lick *that*. I have no idea what it feels like or if it's any easier.

    FWIW, it's something I *really* enjoy too - makes me super shakey. (I enjoy the other side too) But my gf has a strong squick for it, so it's never going to happen (unless we were to open our relationship a bit, I suppose). But we do other things in bed that really work for me, so I'm happy :)

    • So you like it?

    • Oh, yes :) Lots of nerve endings down there, and a tongue just sets off fireworks all the way up my body. All the way. And I like giving it too; I think butts are hot, I'm not grossed out, it's got that transgressive hotness, it's super intimate, and I know it's something I enjoy, so if my partner were interested, I'd want to give her that pleasure too.

    • "Regular" oral sex also sets off fireworks in my brain, but it takes a little bit longer to get them started. Go figure? But I'm still getting fireworks :)

  • It's not about being selfish. It's about getting past each other's boundaries. The hair part is easy. Tell him if he wants it licked he has to get it waxed along with his butt cheeks. His reaction will be pretty telling. He's asked a lot from you and now you're asking a lot from him. Will he put his anus where his mouth is? If he does that and washes very thoroughly with a soap like lavender or whatever scent you like, would you consider it. What comes out of there is immaterial because it won't be there. I understand your reluctance. It's a matter of whether you'll power through it. I'd understand if you didn't but I'd also understand if it's a show stopper for him. My show stoppers are spanking and anal sex. Without those, sex is just not worth the trouble and I'd likely be having affairs to get what I need.

    Does that sound like a compromise you'd be willing to give a real shot?

    • That just sounds like him walking all over me..

    • I disagree. What you'd be asking of him is at least as difficult as he's asking of you.

    • I'd feel almost inhuman doing it, no matter what "accommodations" he'd make. It's so stupid how I'm a horrible girlfriend apparently for not doing this.

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girls

  • Oh, whatever! He’s full of sh*t, he’s just trying to manipulate him into further pleasing his d*ck and it’s DISGUSTING. He’s being so self-absorbed and claiming that an entire relationship is deteriorating because you don’t want to lick the part of his body where sh*t comes out is absolutely ridiculous, unintelligent, and nonsensical. YOU ARE NOT SELFISH: HE IS. He’s trying to manipulate you by BS-ing you about the relationship being affected because his a** is remaining unlicked. LMAO, what a drama queen!

    I’d break up with someone if they acted like that, but hey that’s just me. He’s not respecting your personal boundaries in addition he’s trying to manipulate you into doing something you are clearly uncomfortable with and not only is that not cool, but IT’S A RED FLAG. Chances are this is just the beginning of him acting like this. Please don’t put up with this, girl.

  • Ugh, that's gross. Personally, I would leave it at that, but if you really want to make the relationship work you can try it. Just say you'll only do it immediately after he showers (so he'll be clean) and if he shaves his bum hole. But no, you're absolutely not being selfish for not wanting to do it. Everyone has their limits.

  • Oy vey. If he wants you to lick his butt, the least he could do is to clean it up first. Take an enema and shove it up his ass. See if he likes that. (Seriously he probably will.) Get out the razor and shave his ass too. I joke, but maybe he might be satisfied with you fingering his butt?

    • I suggested that. He says that's too gay.

    • Finger in his butt is too gay, but your tongue in there (rimjob) isn't too gay? Or is it the enema that is too gay?

    • The finger.

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 15

  • Your boyfriend needs to be punched in the throat because that is just disgusting. Even the most skankiest prostitute will be reluctant in doing that, so what makes him think you should.

  • No. That is weird and disgusting. Please don't do it!!! YUCK!!!

  • The way I see it, is that when it comes to sex, it should be all about sharing. "What's yours is mine and visa versa." I've only gotten to second base (both of us naked above the belt line) and this rule seemed to work out.

    That being said, if he's willing to end the relationship because he says you're being selfish, that's in it of itself is hypocritical. And over such a stupid thing too like licking his asshole. Don't worry I think that sounds disgusting too lol. I would make him aware of how ridiculous that sounds. There can be so many better things to do during sex other than that. And above all, don't worry about ending the relationship. Think about it to yourself for a moment. A guy wants to end a relationship with you because you won't lick his asshole. If that doesn't speak volumes, than you'd know that you can find a better man out there. Just my honest opinion.

  • I am with you on this one.. the thought is pretty disgusting...
    that being said...
    I really love love love eating pussy... so i get into it big time. once I really got carried away and was super horny and did it to my then wife. when i thought about it later I was a bit grossed out by it. But when a guy is horny our thought process kind of shuts down and we just get stupid. all we are focused on is sex. so there are a lot of things I have done during sex I cringe at later when i am thinking rationally.

  • Tell him only if he licks yours first lol.
    He probably won't lol.

  • you don't have to think twice to know you don't want to lick another persons shithole.

    • yeah my first opinion wasn't enough... your boyfriend is a fucking dick.

  • it's not selfish... if you're not into it and it grosses you out then don't do it. I find it hard to believe that just this act alone will make you a sex goddess

  • Wtf? That's the only thing you won't di and he is bitching? Dump that clown. Get a real man.

  • That is so nasty.

  • I don't think a relationship should hinge on a rimjob.

  • Say you'll only do if you do atm next

  • You're not being selfish at all. A girl did that to me once without my asking, and I told her to stop. I didn't like it, and I didn't want to kiss her afterwards. If you start thinking about giving in, you shouldn't feel guilty about making him shower before or at making him clean his hole real well before.

  • I'm sorry but your boyfriend is weird

  • No you are not being selfish at all! If he can't accept that you dont feel up to that then the only one being selfish is him!

  • I wouldn't do it either lmao

  • Sounds like you're already kissing an asshole. Send him home to his p*rn collection. You can do better.

  • Maybe he means something else:
    www.weblo.com/.../...se_ass_hole_485643c6e3757.jpg

    • I'd rather lick that one than the one attached to him!!

  • Ew, I will never lick an asshole. That is plain disgusting! Yuck! Whatever floats his boat - I'm not judging.

  • You are absolutely NOT being selfish. If you're not comfortable with something in the bedroom, you absolutely do NOT have to do it!

    I think you should calmly explain to him that you're very uncomfortable with that for now and ask if there's anything else you can do.

    Try surprising him with new lingerie or better yet, shop for it online and let him help you pick something. Whenever I'm in the mood for some lingerie shopping I'll sometimes let my man look with me and ask him which ones he likes best and choose one of those in a colour he likes. He loves that I let him choose because it shows that I'm really buying something special for HIM, not just for myself.

    That's just an idea; I'm sure you could find lots of others from girls (or guys) on here!

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