Did I put pressure on my friends with benefits to have sex?

[Anonymous]

I have just begun a "friends" with benefits situation with a guy at the gym. I don't know him well, that's why I wrote "friends" here. So we've been having fun making out in private areas of the gym, and this always includes me giving him oral sex. He said he'd call me and we'd meet at somewhere else to have sex. (We can't meet at home since we have housemates who are pretty much always there). He never arranged anyplace to have sex, saying he's too busy to do so. The last time we met, after I gave him oral sex again, I got irritated and said when can I have some fun? I told him I like giving him oral sex, but when are we meeting elsewhere for the main event? He nodded and said "I know..." like he felt kind of bad. I couldn't help it and I got frustrated and was very direct but polite and said look, I don't care where we meet, I just want to have hot sex with you. Also, I reminded him that I am totally clear that this is no strings attached situation. He was flustered, I gave him ideas of where we could meet. But we left on a positive note, from what I can tell. Guys, do you like it when a friends with benefits , or any woman, comes right out with it and asks for sex? I know what I want and I go for it, but I don't want him to feel pressure, as he is very busy now. Did I screw this up? Should I talk with him and say sorry I came on strong and didn't mean to pressure him? Or should I let it go, for fear that belaboring the point could take the fun out of this?

[heavensgift2girls]

There is nothing wrong with putting a little pressure on someone to get your needs taken care of if they have been neglecting you. If he is neglecting your needs, then you have a right to talk to him about it. You are well within your rights to let him know how you feel, and what you expect out of the relationship, and he should be adult enough to be able to handle a conversation about sex.

Communication about a persons sexual needs is important, no matter the person's gender. How else could he know how strongly you feel about something, if you don't talk to him about it? The idea that you should never pressure your partner is flawed, because that is telling you never to communicate with them about something that may be an uncomfortable topic. Sometimes simply being honest about your feelings will put pressure on someone. The only way to prevent that is a complete lack of communication.

Do we like it when a woman asks for sex? Normally we do, but there will always be exceptions depending on the guy, and how he feels about the woman.

[Asker]

Thank you for this articulate and well thought out answer. I agree that withholding communication for fear of pressuring someone hurts the relationship. so, unless you would advise otherwise, I will let this go and let him deal with feeling pressured. Perhaps that will persuade him to take some action. Thank you again. you have made me feel much stronger about my right to assert myself. By the way he is very much an alpha male, so I do hope that I have not scared him away by being so direct with him about wanting sex. I hope its a turn on instead! ;)

[GAGSucks]

It's OK to talk to him about it, but, to force him to have sex... would be basically rape. If he doesn't want sex when you ask for it... leave him alone

[Red_Arrow]

I just wonder where you find areas that are private enough for blow jobs in a busy gym?

[asker6041]

I'm a little curious about one thing before i answer, Where exactly are you able to perform oral sex on him and cannot have intercourse in that same location? if in a place you can have sex, is it possible he is witholding sex because he may be in a relationship that he isn't being forthright about? (some guys think everything EXCEPT sex, is not considered cheating)

[Asker]

the place we meet now is good for something that can be fast like oral sex. It just wouldn't be good for regular sex. your comment about another relationship is interesting. he did make a comment about needing to cool things off so we don't get found out. I thought he meant getting caught in that location, maybe he means he doesn't want to get caught by somebody else. that's the case, I am pissed off! How would you interpret it?

[Anonymous]

I agree with MH
and in 10 words or less
the solution seems clear
> nail down his time off (no one's too busy to eat, bathe, workout... including sex)
> get a hotel room for that time
> drive him to dine then hotel if need be
> strip him down and insure YOU get off at once before he does this time

[melissa3]

It just seems like he's one of those nice shy guys who prefers dating/relationships over friends with benefits . Maybe try looking for another guy?

[Red_Arrow]

He doesn't prefer relationships so much that he turns down the blow jobs