Why do my boyfriend and best guy friend hate each other?

[Anonymous]

Mostly my boyfriend hates my best guy friend, even though my guy friend has a serious gf and we are in no way romantically or physically involved. They talk shit about each other a lot. My guy friend knows my bf hates him but I don't tell my bf that guy friend makes fun of him because I don't want to make him mad or give him more reason to hate my friend. I could see how my bf might be jealous of my friendship but my friend and I are never ever going to be anything more than framily. I had a crush on him a while back and he knows I'm attracted to him but he firmly friend zoned me and we got past that. My bf doesn't even know about that and he still calls my friend satan. My friend calls my bf things like pussy and little bitch, which I am not cool with. I don't slag his ugly dumb gf. Why do they act like this?

[Environmentia]

It's all about being the alpha male. Your boyfriend is just scared that he might loose you to your best friend, or that if anything bad happens and you need a shoulder to cry on, you'll turn to him out of habit. Your best guy friend is just looking out for you. He thinks that if thats how he treats your friends, he must be treating you like total shit. Also, if your as close as family, he's acting as the over protective older brother. They also could have past history that you don't know about. I tend to call this a Testosterone Blood bath. Good luck. Worse comes to worse, make them sit down and become the mediator. I advise having a spray bottle or something else to make one of them (or both of them) shut up while the other is talking. Hope this helps.

[Anonymous]

Hmm, if your guy friend speaks like that on a regular basis... It's no wonder your BF hates him! Do you and the guy BFF talk about sex/personal stuff too? I know sometimes that chicks will say they're just friends with a guy, but they'll still tell him all of their personal things, and make r rated jokes with him... So maybe your BF thinks you're too close and personal with your guy friend.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh, and your guy friend probably hates your BF, because he knows he might be crossing a line between the both of you and not respecting your boundaries (like how you said you don't insult his gf), and so he's mocking your BF.

[kheserthorpe]

Your bf correctly can tell you are attracted the the friend. He can also tell the friend is the type who likely pulls in women.

I'd guess the friend either has no respect for your bf, who is less of a player than he is, or is concerned your bf will undermine his playing.

I get why your bf is jealous.
I get why your friend's ugly dumb gf isn't.
I get I think why your friend doesn't respect your bf.
I get why you want to be 'friends' with this guy.

The only part I can't figure out is why he's friends with you. Not that you're not perhaps a wonderful and great person.

I'm just surprised by that.

[Asker]

Wow! Thanks! Way to make me feel worthless!

[kheserthorpe]

It's not that at all, to be honest. It's that your 'best friend' doesn't seem the type to have real female friends, unless he uses them as pivots.

[Asker]

What do you mean by pivots? I know he thinks I'm pretty and he's said he likes me because I'm smart, really funny and I challenge him. He admits his gf is dumb, I've never said that. I see him more than she does but he loves her so that's why we're just friends. He says he loves me too, but not romantically, more like family.

[kheserthorpe]

Something about all that seems weird. I don't mean nefarious. I just mean weird. How long has he been dating her?

[Asker]

Almost 2 years. He says the worst stuff about her to me and our friend group. She's not at our school so I assume she has no idea. I've only met her once. He makes fun of her for being dumb and unable to cook. We talk about very personal sexual things with each other too.

[kheserthorpe]

And he firmly friend zoned you before or after he started dating her.

[Asker]

After. What I find weird is that I never thought of him sexually when we first met because he is not my type. Over a year's time, he spoiled me with attention but I assumed he couldn't be flirting because he had a gf. but he was touching me constantly, giving me bear hugs several times a day, sitting plastered to me, touching hands too long, playing footsie, texting me, messaging me 24/7 all summer, etc. We spent all summer baring our souls to each other but when I developed feelings for him he says he never considered anything he did to be flirting. But he's said the gf is fine with him doing anything short of sexing someone else. I truly felt that at our school he was my de facto bf, minus the sex. So my emotional bf I guess. He always talks about me and gf in the same way and said we are his two favorite people. Sometimes he says I sound like her. I said last night that I miss the attention since the friend zoning in nov. and he said he only texts gf 4x/day. Why does he compare us?

[kheserthorpe]

Well mysteries solved. Read what you've written and pretend the people involved are strangers. What would you say is happening?

[Asker]

I don't think I can. It's so much easier for an outsider to see. What would you say is happening?

[HeartsBloodDupre]

Hmm, wait, why do you think his gf isn't jealous too?

[kheserthorpe]

@HeartsBloodDupre Actually I take that part back. Changed view based on additional info. She clearly would date her friend. Seems like he would date her, if he weren't with someone else, who he doesn't actually like as much as her, but he does care about and probably doesn't want to hurt by leaving. But if she was magically to move away ... So no guy she's dating is good enough, and if the boyfriend complains about anything and she runs and tells best friend, best friend of course takes her side. Boyfriend hates bestfriend because he's clearly undermining relationship. Anyway, they should both let loose the people they're stringing along and just be a couple.

[HeartsBloodDupre]

Yep, totally agree!

[Asker]

Some of that is true. He's said that he's dumping gf before college next year and when I admitted feelings for him he said he has some for me but wouldn't give details. He's said awful stuff like if gf would die it would solve his problems. He does want to break up but doesn't want to crush her.

[Blueeyes81]

I'm going to guess that your boyfriend picks up on some of the old feelings you have for your friend. You may act a certain way around your friend that gives your boyfriend pause. Your friend is reacting off of how your bf treats him, as well as to what you tell him. A lot of women only tell their male friends the downside to their boyfriends, it doesn't leave a good impression of the bf in the male friends eyes. The thing is most people don't realize that to have both a boyfriend/girlfriend and a close friend of the opposite sex doesn't work. If you want a happy life, sadly, you'll have to choose.

[Asker]

Bf doesn't know I've had feelings for friend. I think he suspected but thought he was being crazy. I have bitched to him about the bf but he's said awful stuff to me about his gf, like wishing her dead and telling me she's a rape victim. I've only met her once for a minute so that is awkward to know about her. He has hung out with me and bf a lot at school and used to like him until lately. I've been having a lot of fights with both of them lately and they both know it. I told friend he had to quit because the stress of a two front war was killing me. Bf hated how upset friend was making me. Friend got angry because bf didn't want me driving friend around and or me hanging out with him. It got nuts. Then friend started talking mad shit about bf, calling him pussy, bitch, etc. He acts like we're trying to have our own relationship in between the other two. I said I miss talking to him all the time now that he's so busy and he said he only texts gf four times a day.

[Blueeyes81]

As I stated your boyfriend notices how you act around your friend. You may not have told him you used to have a crush on him. But he undoubtedly knows by how you act. You need to ask which is more important, boyfriend or male friend. If it's your boyfriend, set boundaries with your male friend. No sex talk, only hang out as a group, etc. That won't make your friend happy, but what is more important. If you try to please both, nothing will change.

[TheWiseOwl]

How can you be friends with someone you had deeper feelings for? You're not friends, you're just in the friend zone.

[Klaatu51]

i beleve your bf is jealous. he believes that sth goin' on with you and your friend

[BertMacklinFBI]

damn you just did. "ugly dumb gf" hahaa. but yeah I get it, not to his face. anyways I see why your bf hates him but I don't know why your friend hates your bf.

[Asker]

I'm guessing because my friend claims to be all alpha and I've told him bf would kill him if I said the word.

[Anonymous]

'I don't slag his ugly dumb gf. '

I don't know why, but for some reason that cheered me up and I was in a really shitty mood! Thanks