I found out my boyfriend is a pedophile. We just broke up, but I feel like I should do something about it. Should I?

Me and my boyfriend dated for a year an a half. He's 39 and I'm 30. I recently caught him liking pictures of this girl who is only 14. I looked at the girl's page--it just seemed weird and wrong. I found out it was his cousin. He liked almost every single picture she had posted, even as far back as when she had just turned 14. One pic was a selfie of her and a friend. 2 of his other male cousins posted a selfie in response to her picture. My bf decided to post one too. It's a picture he had on his OKC account, which was super weird. I confronted him about it and he got defensive and said "Hey, she's my cousin! Her mother is in jail you know!" So he made me feel bad for even asking who this girl was. He broke up with me just moments before. I told him we needed to talk about things, and when we met he wouldn't let me talk and broke up with me moments before I asked who she was. I may have been acting weird the day I saw him comment on one of her pics. I'm just so creeped out. He told me that when he was 23 he slept with a 14-year-old girl. But he said it was a horrible thing he did and would never do it again. I didn't want to believe any of this. I just wanted to believe that it was a one time offense and that he liked older girls. His favorite show is Lazy Town, by the way. And he once joked that he would date me if I was 12 and had the same memories and intelligence as I do now. I was in self denial for so long, Now, I'm worried he may try to sleep with his cousin or other girls that young again. I feel like I should do something about it. Report it. Maybe I would send pictures of his fb activities with young girls to his friends or paste it on his page. Should I leave this alone or should I do something. I just feel so disgusted. It's hard not to feel like I was violated myself... like he took advantage of me for sex. I sort of felt that way about our relationship. He never took it terribly seriously and didn't want to meet my parents. I feel like taking revenge.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Oh man... I like some of my friend's sons pics, he is six... and I watch Sponge Bob... Holy crap, I am a pedophile, too!!!

    Not trying to be mean, just hoping you see that these things don't have to mean anything.

    The 14 year old... did she LOOK like a 14 year old? So many look older and carry themselves as older, and she may have said she was 17 or 18 on top of it. We we weren't there, we just don't know.

    His defensiveness about liking his cousin? How did you approach it? Did you have (could you have had) an attitude about it?

    The 12 year old reference... Was that out if the blue, unprovoked and was this line taken out of a context where it makes more sense, as in, you were discussing something related to age?

    Your update speaks volumes. He broke up with you because you gave seizures and "it hurt so bad." You may be letting your hurt, frustration and anger cloud your vision.

    A pedophile is much more than liking a cousin's picture or posting his own because two of his other make cousins did.

    Looking at a younger girl on the bus... really. I look at cute kids, to; some kids have such potential to grow into gorgeous adults or are just so freaking cute you look at them.

    Are you certain enough of your suspicion to ruin his entire life? Because the moment you make any motion in this direction, his life will he upheaved and so will yours

    If you are hurt, you need to find another way yo get over it. Revenge is not an answer, ever.

    • No, I did not have an attitude when I asked him. I'm a very passive person who has a hard time even becoming aggressive. Usually, he is the aggressor in our arguments and discussions. He's the one who took charge in the relationship. I was actually so terrified to ask I almost didn't even do it. My voice did tremble a bit when I said it. But I spoke calmly and simply asked: "Who is __?". That's all I said in regard to her. But what bothered me was the selfie of himself trying on clothes at H&M that he posted on her fb page. It's a picture he uses on his Okcupid page. Also, one time he mentioned having a crush on one of his other cousins. I shrugged it off. But now when I think about it it was weird.

  • Oh my God. This is the exact same story as one of my friends'. She went through the exact same thing. Him not wanting to meet your parents, the pictures of little girls, Lazy Town, slept with a 14 year old when he was 23... It's the exact same story. I witnessed with her how horrible it can be.
    On your Original question: keep an eye on this guy and what he does. If he even as much as moves in the wrong direction... report him wherever you can. Also, tell the right people of his intentions.

    On your own feelings: were you suffering from very low insecurity related to your age while you were with him? Do you have a very slim figure and if you don't, did he ask/demand of you to lose weight? Was your bedroom life with him almost non-existent? If he did that to your confidence, only therapy is going to help. It's been two years for my friend and she's still recovering.

    • *her parents, sorry for the typo.

    • He did want me to lose some weight. I have an average BMI and I'm a size 12. I guess that is too unlike the girl in Lazy Town, huh? I do look like I'm 20 instead of 30 though.

    • There you have it, he wanted you to lose weight and you look much younger than you are. I'm sure you're incredibly beautiful and any healthy man will think you're beautiful looking like a normal, adult woman. That man you were with wasn't a mentally healthy person. My friend was 19 when she got a relationship with that man, he was 32 or 33 somewhere around that age. And she felt old and fat at the end of it. In the beginning of her relationship she weighed a healthy 130 lbs at 5'5"; fit but womanly curves. At the end, she weighed 90 lbs and she still suffers from anorexia. It's horrible what these guys do to perfectly good women, and in this pro-pedo society people brush it off as 'normal attraction' and the guys get away with it (at least in Holland, where I live; everything has to be understood and "the feelings of pedophilia are not bad as long as they don't act on it" kind of mentality is shoved down our throats). Just try to gather as much evidence as you can and then report him.

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  • 1. Who cares what his favorite TV show is.

    2. Liking his own cousin's picture isn't out of the ordinary. I liked my grandmother's picture last week but you can bet I don't want to screw her.

    3. Sleeping with a 14 year old doesn't make him a pedophile. Pedophilia is sexual attraction to pre pubescent children.

    4. What would you even say if you reported him?

    "Officer, my ex boyfriend posted a selfie on his little cousin's Facebook page. Arrest that sick bastard!"

    5. You're clearly very hurt and angry about the breakup so likely are overthinking and embellishing things. Calm down and rethink this when you can make a logical decision. Calling someone a pedophile is one hell of an accusation, so don't do it when you're emotionally unstable.

    • Once question: Have you ever seen Lazy Town?

    • Yes, I watched it all the time when I was younger and sometimes still do with my little sister (she's nine). Sure, it's weird that he's into it but that doesn't mean anything. I watch cartoons sometimes. *shrugs*

  • Okay let's be clear, he IS a pedophile. Being a pedophile means being attracted to children. It doesn't necessarily means rapist or murderer. Just like zoophile means being attracted to animals.
    14 year old girls are too young to be having sex but if he had her consent, then he technically didn't do anything wrong. (Although arguably, 14 year old girls are too immature to make such decisions and he should've been the adult and said no). He regrets it so it's fine.

    Being attracted to weird things is okay as long as they don't act on it. But now it's just your decision to make.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Confront him about it,
    If your serious about reporting him, just let your feelings cool down for a little while before you make the decision..
    Not saying I agree/disagree with what you are doing, but you would completely ruin his life

    • I guess I'm also angry because he said that part of the reason he wanted to break up is because I have seizures. It hurt so bad. I do have them almost everyday, but they're usually short and make me appear I'm drunk, unlike the kind of seizures you think of. I have some difficulties living. But I try to work instead of going on disability. I don't make much money, but I'm getting treatment and learning ways to manage my life. When we're together I try to be happy, and I'm always frisky and a sex maniac. We even made art together. Now he can't handle being with me for what I cannot control. And I accepted him even though he has severe OCD and PTSD, because I cared about him, no matter how sick he got. I wouldn't leave a partner if they even had cancer. I guess it feels unfair. And he would sometimes put me down for not being able to do everything--I can't because I have seizures.

  • Seriously? You're hurt and looking for an excuse to hurt him back. He's not a pedophile. Be an adult and move on.

    • Oh? So it's okay if he actively looks at 14-year-olds? I can assure you she's not just looking for 'an excuse' the same happened to my friend, she was 19 years old and still not young enough for the guy to get excited over (he was 32 or 33 I think). He ruined my friends' confidence with it, she suffers from anorexia because she thinks she can only be attractive to men if she looks like a 12 year old, she pushes all the guys who like her away because she thinks they will do the same, she developed an anxiety disorder, she still has nightmares because of it and it's been two years! And if you would've seen her before all of it... she was so pretty. Long blond hair, lively brown eyes, 5'5", slim but great curves. She looked like a Playboy model, and now... It ruined her.

    • @dutchpride92 I'm saying that he isn't an automatically a pedophile just because he view his cousin's profile.

    • I know, but read the other stuff. Lazy Town? Slept with a 14-year-old when he was 23? Would date his gf if she was 12, at his age? Doesn't that sound a just a little suspicious to you? And then his snappy comment when she was just asking him who the girl in the pics was indicates there's something.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • If you honestly in your heart of hearts that he is a danger to children then most states require that you report it.

  • Honestly it's hard to say because you will never know if he's innocent he will have a record and might go to jail as well and his life will be ruin, he might get fired ( if he works ) and he will have a hard time getting a job and then he will have to tell everyone that he is a pedophile.. So yeah its a hard decision to make. But warning someone should be okay

    • I feel like talking to his friend who thinks he is a pedophile, too. She's a social worker. Maybe I should get her advice?

    • Yes you definitely should and since she's a social worker she will definitely know!

  • I just hope he doesn't have sex with another girl or boy that's under 17...

  • You cannot report him for what you assume he may do but hasn't done yet. You cannot report him for what he's done freaking ages ago. You also cannot report him for liking his cousins photos.
    Chill, you are seriously overreacting.

  • I'm not reading anything that makes me believe he's a pedophile. So he likes his cousins pictures so what. I seriously think you're over reacting.

    • He slept with a 14 year old when he was a full grown man O. O

    • That doesn't make him pedophile. A pedophile is an adult who is sexually attracted to a child who is 11 years of age or younger.

    • Well hebephile then if you want the correct term for it (the attraction to children between the ages of 11 and 14).

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  • You're gonna report a guy that likes FB pictures from his cousin? Is there something wrong about that?
    Are you gonna repot him because he slept with a 14 y/o girl 16 years ago? Withour having any proof of that.

    Authorities will do nothing because there's nothing. And I do not believe he's a pedophile just because he had sex with a 14 y/o when he was 23, yes, he broke the law, but that doesn't make him a pedophile.

    • That's a 9 year difference in age. A 14 is not an adult and has little to no experience with guys their own age. How many 14 year old girls are going out and looking for 30 year old men to bang? None, that's who. If they are, something is really wrong with them. Only guys who like to take advantage of girls would do such a thing? I mean, what kind of intellectual conversation can you have with someone so young? And no guys I know who are in their early and mid 20s want to date girls that age--and they seem to agree with me that my ex is a pedophile (or hebephile). When I was in my early teens so many older guys pressured me to do things when all I wanted was friends. Few girls at age 14 are that sexually charged. We don't reach our sexual peak until about 26-30. I haven't really felt "in control" of what I wanted to do sexually until now. However, when I was 22 I liked a guy who was 30, but I went after him equally and I was more mature then--I was an adult.

  • He doesn't sound like a pedophile. I think u feel hurt and (as u said) want to get revenge. Don't. U might ruin his life and u don't even have hard proof. Again, it doesn't sound like he is anyways...

    • He posted a selfie of himself on her page--a picture he had on his okcupid page when we met. Other friends of his have claimed he was a pedophile and it made him mad. I don't seem to be alone in that theory in his social circle. He is an artist and once told me how he wanted to make a sculpture out of children's underwear--but to be provocative.

    • well he's an artist. That's explains a lot... Anyways. If he is or not u have not hard evidence to provd it but uk, u can always try. Just don't do it cuz u r hurt cuz it sounds like that's the main reason

  • So he did 14yo when he was 23yo, big deal. Have you seen 14yo girls recently?
    Hell, I banged 15yo last summer (when I was 25) and we both liked that. And I'd do it again. They are nice, fresh and aren't spoiled yet.

    As for liking photos of his cousin who's mom is in jail, I fail to see anything wrong with that. My little niece likes all of my photos, does it means she has a crush on me?

    • Disgusting. Can't you get a real woman your age?

    • Don't you like fresh things?

    • I didn't even start menstruating or grow pubes until I was almost 15. That's hardly a woman. That girl hasn't even reached full sexual development. Yuck. I assume you like young girls and how smart and interesting they are as PEOPLE!

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  • He is a predator. I'd report him.
    I'm sorry your boyfriend ended up being the scum he is. You're brave for admitting that to yourself though.

  • he's sounds he's a pedophile u should turn him in

  • I wouldn't consider him a pedophile, but he does sound like an asshole.

  • Since she's his cousin you can never tell if he liked her pictures because she's his cousin or not. As far as reporting him, unless he's committed a actual crime there isn't anything to report him for. If I were you I would just get over him and move on find somebody else.

  • turn him in

    • For what? Liking a pic?

    • it starts out as "liking" a pic and can manifest into something more.

    • He even posted a selfie of himself standing in front of a mirror in a dressing room at H&M (a hipster clothing store) on her page--a picture he had on his okcupid profile when we met. He only does stuff like that when he wants to impress girls.

  • what the hell u should follow ur heart not ask us

  • I hope you get a good man soon x

    • Thank you!

  • He dated a 14 year old when he's was 23, this is proof he is a pedo. You have to report him to protect other children. Pedophiles can't be rehabilitated or feel guilt. If anyone on this site tells you he is not a pedo , then i would seriously question their reasons for viewing it as okay

    • I have read some guys posts, this is quite shocking that they opendly admit to having sex with kids when they are adults. Pedophiles have a twisted mind, they do not view sex with kids as wrong as you can see by some peoples responses

    • * openly

  • THIS IS SO PEDO I DON'T EVEN. Have you called the police? Protect our young girls from that!!

  • The fact that you verbally state "I feel like taking revenge" makes you look shady like you're just telling yourself a story so that you can feel better about the fact that he broke up with you. You didn't seem to mind that he had slept with a 14 year old when you continued sucking his d*ck. I find it very difficult to believe that you continued a sexual relationship after learning he engaged in illegal sex with a minor as an adult yet the disgust didn't come until after he broke up with you. No offense, but now you want to be noble and take action because you got dumped? Hmmm...

    • Maybe revenge is immature. However, I do worry he might try to molest his cousin. I was in denial because I loved him. I though maybe he wouldn't do that type of thing again. But then I found him posting a selfie on his cousin's page. He's even admitted to wanting to date another cousin of his. So, I could see him having no problem with either criterion (a 14 y o cousin).

    • So what action is it that you intend on taking to prevent your speculations?

  • Um... why is everyone saying he doesn't sound like a pedophile when he SLEPT with a 14-year old girl when he was 23? That's the only thing someone needs to classify as a pedo tbh

    • Right. I mean, he fit the definition at 23. I thought maybe he did it once and it was some weird thing he regretted doing. I did catch him staring at this young girl on the train one day. The girl gave him a weird look. Sort of felt unsettling at the time.

    • So frigging true

  • I don't think there's anything the authorities can do based on this. It's not unusual for girls to be molested by relatives, though often before age 14. Unfortunately, it's a dirty secret in too many families. Usually the molesting person was molested too and then acts it out on another person. :(

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