Caught my boyfriend masturbating, how do I keep things from being awkward?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend started dating a month ago. Everything's been going well but we haven't been having sex. I don't want to have sex because I've never had it and want to wait until I feel ready. My boyfriend has been patient and has said he's fine with waiting. I've been getting more comfortable with the idea of having sex and am slowly being able to imagine myself getting intimate. But the other day I walking in on him masturbating, and it was so weird. I said sorry and started to leave but he stopped me and apologized saying he should have locked the door. But still feeling the tension I left. I just feel like this has set my progress back. It's made me scared again. I don't know if it was seeing him, or knowing he thinks of others or just knowing he masturbates. If I think about it I guess I assume all guys masturbate but knowing that's he does it just freaks me out. I don't want this to ruin my relationship especially because I told him I was feeling more comfortable (I don't want him to get irritable and leave). How do I get rid of all these weird feelings?

[Red_Arrow]

It is very common, almost to unanimous, that guys masturbate. But also true that most girls do, too. I get the impression that you do not, but I wonder if maybe you actually have but put it out of your mind because of bad thoughts towards it.

Masturbation is a way a person can take care of their own personal need for sex. It hurts no one. It feels great. It relieves sexual tension. It can be very relaxing for a gal, and after orgasm is quite relaxing for a guy. So it is quite natural and getting more accepted to admit that we do it.

He may not be thinking of anyone when he masturbates. He may be thinking of someone else when he does. It could be someone he knows, and image from a magazine. or images from online. But it could also be you. It is just a fantasy for a few moments that helps him to orgasm.

So knowing that pretty much all guys and girls do masturbate, what is odd? What is there that would freak you out? You have just caught him being perfectly human, nothing more.

If you had thought it out before, you would have realized that he is a guy, therefor he masturbates. So really think about that right no. There is nothing to freak out about. You need to accept it and get rid of the "freaking" thoughts, Then, since you are already considering getting sexual with him, realize that you do that in steps. You don't go from no sexual contact to non-virgin instantly (or at least you should not). this was a time you could have moved a bit forward. Even a small step, like simply staying there and asking him if it would help if you showed him your breasts. That would have been a Wow moment for him. That he could actually look at your breats while he masturbates, and that you would offer that. maybe you can get to the point where you masturbate together, while touching each other. Great ways to prepare for intercourse.

Just spend some time going over it in you mind. Psyche yourself positively for it. And make an effort to never again "run" from something like that.

[Asker]

I think showing him my boobs would make me too embarrassed. But I read this and tried masturbating but it was uncomfortable and awkward

[Red_Arrow]

Do you know how to masturbate. that is a serious question, not meant to say I think you are dumb, I just want to know that you are giving it a correct try.

[Red_Arrow]

And showing him your boobs is really a small start. Since you are thinking along the lines of beginning to get sexual with him, that wold be pretty low on the chain of what you can do. You could let him feel them under you clothes, but when you do that it would only be a few minutes before the clothes would come off. So you need to set your mind to showing him your boobs and not being embarrassed. Of course, if you are not ready for anything, then wait till you are. I am only saying this is the beginning steps when you are ready.

[Asker]

No I think I might want to try doing stuff with him. I think I know how to masturbate. I know you out your finger there and pump in and out. He's not seen me naked or anything yet but I think it'd be okay. Letting him feel me up seems most comfortable right now. I just thought it's be weird for me to just be standing there naked while he masturbates

[Red_Arrow]

Okay, that makes sense. But you have a wrong idea about masturbation. Most guys want to get their finger inside the girl. For many (most) girls that alone does not do a lot. You probably got your idea of masturbating from a guys standpoint. What you want to do is to stimulate your clitoris. (The little button at the forward end of your inner lips. that is where a girl gets most of her pleasure. Some girls get more from stimulating the g-spot, but that is more advanced. Work on clitoral stimulation. Preferably have some lubricant handy, the kind made for sex. You can find it in sex shops of course, but where you would be looking and find it is in large department or grocery stores that have a section for medicine. It would be in there. Get some alone time, take off anything on that area (you want to be free to move any way you want). Put some lube on your clitoris, then experiment. You can rub it directly, or rub right next to it. Back and forth, or in circles. Experiment.

[Red_Arrow]

He would enjoy looking at your body while he masturbates. But if you are ready for hand jobs and the like, you would feel comfortable naked doing those things because you are not just sitting watching. If you are not ready for those, just letting him see you as he masturbates would be good.

[Asker]

What kind of lube do you buy? I looked online and there we're so many different types, so which one do I get? What are things guys like during a handjob or blowjob? Is it fine to give him a handjob but not be completely naked

[Red_Arrow]

For your purposes most any lube will work. Look in the store around the condoms and such, Whatever lube they have for sexual purposes should be fine. Also good for using on him for hand jobs. It is fine to not be completely naked giving a hand job. In fact you may be completely clothed. But he will like it more the more he can see.

[Asker]

I feel that if I'm completely naked it will really push for sex which I'm not sure I'm ready to have yet. And I don't want him to think I'm leading him on or anything. Other people told me I should use toys and such, do you think I'd have to or would my hands be just fine

[Red_Arrow]

For him your hands would be fine. Some guys have toys used on them, but that is mainly the gals.. You don;t need to stat naked. You could go awhile fully clothed, then exposing your breasts, but as it advances he will expect more.

[Asker]

Okay thanks for all the help

[Red_Arrow]

Any time. As others have suggested, a female would probably be best. If you come back about that, I suggest you make the question specific, like "Girls, Need Help Masturbating. Tried Fingering And It Hurt. How To?" And if you ever want, you can message anyone you feel comfortable with from conversing on here.

[WordSmithing]

I am going to be super duper blunt here. This is something all healthy men -must- do. Avoiding the relief of sexual tension is an extreme detriment to male health and no, that is not just a lame excuse to justify our actions. After one month he is naturally attracted to you and I can almost guarantee that he becomes physically aroused when you are spending time with one another. When this happens there is a spike in testosterone levels in his system which is a driving force in human reproduction for BOTH genders. This spike in testosterone does not vanish without a proper "release" and will continue to snowball, causing him to be irritable and possibly lashing out over simple matters.

When we are young it is not so much of an issue to avoid sex because our interests lay elsewhere but a young -man- is going to feel a great deal of temptation and urges spurring him towards sexual intercourse.

If anything you should be very grateful that he is being a gentleman and not pressuring you because believe me, most men would.

Now enough of me defending male masturbation... As for what to do about the relationship?

Why don't you try other things leading up to full on sex! You can try lending a helping hand or experimenting with oral; when you are comfortable of course. If you do not engage him on a sexual level of some sort then he will look elsewhere to satiate those desires. I urge caution in "Sexting" given that this is a relatively new relationship and while exchanging pictures or videos might help, you are also putting yourself at risk.

In the end, do what you are comfortable with and if he decides to end the relationship over it then perhaps he was not the right person for you. There are plenty of men out there that, while still sexually active, will gladly wait for you.

Best of luck! I hope this loooong post helps somewhat.

[Mesonfielde]

Technically if you don't do it then you'll get nocturnal emissions, and those are extremely annoying. That, and if you do actually get too physically aroused with no release then you can even experience pain from it, which really does suck, haha. So no wonder he'd end up in another room secluded.

[WordSmithing]

I'll toss out a quick Google'd definition of the infamous "blue balls" @Mesonfielde because it is never fun to deal with right? "Blue balls is a slang term for the condition of temporary fluid congestion (vasocongestion) in the testicles accompanied by testicular pain, caused by prolonged and unsatisfied sexual arousal in the human male." To the Asker, imagine having a water balloon right? This balloon is not large, but rather small. Now every time you hang out with this fella you take this balloon and add a little bit of water to it, and after about three visits it is full. Now, rather than emptying it out you keep adding to it again and again after each meeting. The elasticity of the balloon would be under a lot of pressure at this point, there would be discolouration and I imagine if that balloon could feel it would be in a whole world of hurt! This is a serious issue that is suppressed due to men having a poor public voice but this is -very- real and nothing to be ashamed of.

[Mesonfielde]

Yeah. "Sexual release" is the only way to fix that, which in most cases is masturbation, or some other form of sexual activity that results in ejaculation.

[Asker]

So, that's every time we hang out? I feel bad now, because he has to go through all this hurt just to hang out with me

[WordSmithing]

Don't feel bad! I am not here to bring on a guilt trip. This is something that we, as men, are quite accustomed to. It is normal for a woman to inspire such things in a man just as it is normal for us to sort it out in private. Just be aware of the medical/health side of the situation and respect the fact his feelings need to be dealt with somehow. This is not something new to him so don't sweat it but also realize this is an adult relationship and sex is an important part of being intimate with a loved one. Experiment with a handjob or a blowjob for lack of better terms. Warm up to the big bad idea of sex and do other things in the meantime.

[Asker]

What do guys like when they get a handjob or blowjob

[Jbgurl20]

All men masturbate. It is totally normal for a guy to do that thing. I honestly think it was so nice of him to respect your decision and wait for you to have sex. Not all guys can do that. Don't get uncomfortable about it. Just think of it as a very normal thing. You will get used to it in time. Just be open minded. Things like this should not bother you. If you love him then stop thinking of this thing as a negative thing.

[misscoffeehead]

Well you honestly should be glad that he respects your wishes, and is waiting for you to be ready to have sex with you. Him waiting around for you is difficult so masturbating is all he has at the moment. Honestly be happy his not having sex with someone else. How to not be so weirded out and awkward about it? It's normal for you to feel that way. Just keep yourself busy to make you not think about it.

[babymomma]

maybe he was thinking about you, honestly masturbation is normal thing at least he isn't trying to pressure you into sex or saying it hurts him to not have sex

[Man_Over_Game]

I'm not entirely sure why you are distraught about sexuality. Does it seem disgusting or savage? Or are you afraid of something specific happening?
Does he know how big of a deal this is to you? Usually, this topic isn't much of an issue since most people are together, at least partially, because of physical attraction.

[Asker]

I don't find it gross. But it does maker me incomfortable. He doesn't know because we haven't talked since then.

[CatInLove]

I think it is normal he does it. Come on... he's respecting the fact that you are not ready. I think you are making a big thing about this.

[Asker]

I'm not against him masturbating, if I think about it I assume all guys do it. It's just it feels weird to me. I'm not sure why it is but it just makes me feel less comfortable but I don't know why.

[Climber]

A great majority (boys and girls) masturbates. It has nothing to do with a relationship that is good or bad, it is a personal thing.

[JohnScofield787]

You don't have to tell him that it set you back. You just tell him you will do things when you are ready. If he loves you, he will wait. it is that simple.

[Vesuvius87]

Honestly, I'd rather have a bf masturbate if I were not ready for sex yet than him cheating on me. Expecting him not to even masturbate is ridiculous.

[Vesuvius87]

I'm single and masturbate sometimes. I guess I'm weird too and should never do that either?

[Asker]

When did I say he shouldn't do it? When did I say it was wrong? I jut said it makes me a little uncomfortable. I don't know why but something about it just freaked me out, and put me in panic.

[Vesuvius87]

If you're uncomfortable with masturbation and then it's a good idea you're waiting. You would eventually have to get used to natural sexuality if you decide you're ready because it's normal within any relationship.

[SolitaireBond]

Masturbation is after all one of the most normal and natural thing in the world to do.

Do you, yourself not do it?

[Asker]

I dot masturbate. I've just never thought about it and when I did it just seemed weird for me to do it

[SolitaireBond]

Am so sorry to say that am beginning to think that you may also have very serious issues in ever giving yourself to a guy... You just seem to be totally against anything of a sexual nature.

[Asker]

I'm not against anything sexual, I'm jut waiting to have sex. He's my first real boyfriend because in highschool I wasn't really into dating. So now that I am I still want to take things slow because it's all new

[SolitaireBond]

OK that I can appreciate, but at the same time you too must also appreciate that this lovely guy who after all is respecting your wishes/feelings, has his needs/desires too... Therefore if he gets relief from masturbating you should be more than thankful for that... After all he could quite simply relieve himself with another girl.

[f00tballguy2002]

Does your boyfriend have any brothers or sisters?

I suspect that he left the door unlocked on purpose, so you can walk in on him. Even if he was the only child, if you truly don't want people to see your private activities, you would make an attempt to be as private as possible.

So if he had any siblings while growing up, he would know even better to lock the door.

Anyways all guys masturbate, a lot. That's normal.

[Asker]

He lives alone and I have a key to his apartment so I can visit whenever I want to

[Misterjay02]

Every guy masturbates. To not believe that would be fooling yourself. He probably was thinking about you by the way.

You should not in any way be weirded out by that. He's your boyfriend lol. He better be fanatising about you. It's not like you walked in on a member of your family or something.

[WhoTheHellKnows]

The boy has needs. Just because you don't want have sex that is fine but he should be able to jerk off in peace lol

[Mesonfielde]

Well you aren't having sex, so obviously he masturbates instead.

What did you expect?

If that makes things any less weird for you, your parents have been having sex, that's why you were born in the first place.

[zombiebabe]

blunt but true

[purplishone]

Sorry but i'm laughing here, it's really funny i mean the moment you realize him :)) a ham well don't look at me, it's really not a reason to separate, you'll overcome it.

[Ryosanada]

Everyone masturbates. I guess you just have to not think about it, or ask to see the full process if you're curious. It's alright to have some fear, but one day you'll have to get over it.

[TadCurious]

Well the first step is always recognizing you have a problem. And you do have a problem if you think it's weird that your boyfriend masturbates, especially when you're not comfortable having sex. And you really don't know who he fantasizes about when he's doing it. Clue: Might it be his. . . girlfriend? You have to understand that he's being respectful of your discomfort level about having sex. But he still has sexual tension he has to release. That keeps him from getting too irritable. Everyone masturbates.

[miserybusiness]

Go outside, throw a frisbee, and move on with your day.

All men masturbate. Nothing new here.

[lovemywife]

I applaud you waiting. You can make it less weird by helping him masturbate. If you masturbate yourself you can do that with him. This way it will be a shared experience.

[Asker]

I've never masturbated. I'm not against it or avoiding it. But it's always seemed weird for me to do, I could never picture myself doing it

[lovemywife]

I would recommend you try it to see if it is something you would like. You never know

[Asker]

I tried today but it was weird. It hurt a little.

[lovemywife]

Hurt how?

[Asker]

My vagina just hurt because the finger was in there. And when it went in it was uncomfortable

[lovemywife]

Well I would recommend chatting with a girl friend or a girl on here to get advice. My wife likes clitoral stimulations before insertion

[Asker]

I don't have a lot of close girl friend but I'll be sure to ask. Would it make me weird to ask?

[lovemywife]

Not weird. Depends on your relationship with your friends. Ask on here I am sure there are some who can help

[I_M_LEGEND]

How's it awkward to the point of it being an issue?

[Kshppatel]

Masturbate with him.

[Anonymous]

You can masturbate for him

[Asker]

I've never masturbated before.

[Anonymous]

Wow, you're a prude. People masturbate, dear. While I'm at it, there's no Easter Bunny or Santa Claus.

[Asker]

I don't have a problem with people masturbating. Actually seeing him do it just makes it weird

[Anonymous]

It's normal. He masturbates its not weird. Next time try to make it less awkward. Maybe joke around or something. If it really made you that uncomfortable maybe you aren't ready for sex. The first step is seeing someone naked in a sexual way. If you can't handle it you should wait. Maybe ask him if you watch next time lol