Boyfriend was upset that I didn't like his hand over my mouth during sex. Is he showing red flag behavior?

My boyfriend has done some softer aggressive things during sex like pinching my nipples, pulling my hair, and holding my wrists down to keep me from pushing him away after I cum from oral and he wants to keep going. Thing is, I've been very positively receptive to those things, I've told him how much I like it, I also moan louder. Recently, he put his hand over my mouth and nose. I immediately made a noise of mmm and removed his hand. He rolled off me and lay there with his eyes closed. He was less affectionate the next morning and was distant for 3 days so I left him alone and gave him space. He later said he did it to both quiet me and stop my breathing because he likes to try new things. He admitted he was disapointed that I wasn't into it. That it felt like I wasn't game or trusting. I told him he's right, I wasn't game and that I've always been claustaphobic about things being on my mouth. And that I wish he had talked to me first because he would have known that. (In the past he had discussed other things by doing a checkoff list of things to try. But breathe play wasn't on it). He said, "I guess it's one thing to discuss and another to try". I said," I like trying things we both know we're ok with. Do you think that's reasonable?" He said,"I just wonder how to try new things and not always know what you're OK with unless there's an extensive list". And I reminded him that stopping my breathing is a major thing. It's a very advanced form of play. He said he just didn't know how to take my reaction because it's been his experience that women like it. And that he's sorry for upsetting me. He said that now he feels that I'm not willing to try new things with him. He used the 2nd time we ever tried anal (when I couldn't seem to relax) as an example. It doesn't seem to matter that our first time with anal went well. I agreed to communicate my desires but told him his other points seem unfair. I remi
Updates:
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I also find it hard to believe that any woman, let alone every single person he supposedly tried it on (and he dated dozens of women in the past) liked being surprised to a hand over the mouth during sex. Does that sound like a load of crap or what?
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Most Helpful Girls

  • he is making this situation into a little sulk fest for him, he sounds very manipulative and selfish to make you feel like you were in the wrong for not liking something he never discussed with you first.

    i would say its a red flag, he's trying to push you into stuff you dont want to do and guilt you about it by being less affectionate

  • He can't force u to like it. He jus needs to respect it and never do it again.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I think he's completely missing the point: in BDSM, things start with the consent of the sub and END, IMMEDIATELY if she withdraws her consent. Do you have a safe word?

    • Nope , no safe word, never needed one. And although he stopped immediately, he sure doesn't understand the concept of getting consent FIRST. He's all about springing it on someone and sulking afterwards if the reaction isn't what he wanted. What's wrong with him?

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Red flag ! Sounds like he's selfish and only wants you for sex! If he loves you he should respect you and ask you before trying anything new.

  • He sounds like he's being completely unreasonable

  • Red flag because he doesn't care about your feelings.

  • That sounds like a red flag.

    I would be pretty scared. And his response was rude. Dump him.