Guys, why didn't he have sex with me?

[Anonymous]

A guy I know (30 y.o.) has been offering me (26 y.o.) rides/a place to stay when I visit the city and it gets late. Last Saturday night, I call this guy for help. He offers to come pick me up, give me a place to crash, then drive me (40 minutes) home in the morning. The night/following morning went like this... He lets me know he has a bed and pullout couch in his room; whatever I'm comfortable with. I see that he has a king, so I laugh and say, "I think there is enough room for both of us, if he is ok on the other side." He starts appologizing for his messy room, and I ask where the ladies room is. I return to half the room cleaned. He's picking up every little thing. I laugh and tell him not to worry, then sit on his bed to undress. He undresses down to his boxers on the other side of the room, facing away, so I take off my jeans and top. I'm in his covers with just a bra and string. He acts as if not to notice and gets in bed. I lay on my side of the bed, but he chooses the middle. We talk about silly stuff, both staring at the ceiling. I ask if he is tired (it is 3:30AM and he looks beat). He says, "a bit", so I tell him goodnight and he turns off the light. Next morning, I hear him get up to go to the bathroom. I continue sleeping on my side with my back to his bedside. He returns and puts his hand on my hip and waist to pull me in. We are now spooning. I snuggle deeper into him. He pulls me around so my head is on his chest and fingers stroking his chest hair. He keeps fidgeting and trying to reposition me, I imagine for me to kiss him? But, I had morning breath, so I would just cuddle him more and more, stroking his chest and arms. I start to trace my fingers down his stomache. He rolls me back over and massages my hip while hovering over me. I roll under him, but he lays back down. I ask if we should get dressed, because he has somewhere to be soon. He drives me home, and we laugh all the way. I go to hug him goodbye, which is what he usually gives me. This time, he first kisses my cheek, then hugs. He waits to see I get in the house before driving off. So, he did offer to get me a drink next time and messaged me later that same night. He has had a crush onme for a couple months, now. He finds me attractive, physically, and likes me a lot! Why no real kiss? Why not take advantage of me in his bed? I have never slept with someone who wasn't a BF, but he doesn't know that. I do come off as pretty innocent and sweet though. WHAT HAPPENED???

[AustinMan]

Since you work together he's smart of move things along slowly so there's no risk of him misinterpreting your signals. Next time, just get down to your string (wearing a string is a great idea) and walk up and hug him from behind. Rub his shoulders and chest and work your way down to his cock. It seems like he's really nervous when you're alone so if he's not hard, don't worry about it. Just stand up on your tiptoes, breathe warmly into his ear, and say something like, "Hey stud," turn him around and kiss him. I'm guessing you won't find him reluctant this time.

Alternatively, you can go out for that drink and just tell him that you were disappointed that he didn't make his move the other night--that you're ready. Then see what he says.

[Asker]

Being that aggressive won't turn off his respect for me and interest in more than just sex?

[AustinMan]

I see your point. Go out for the drink and ask him what his intentions are. Then go from there. I think you are a bit old school, a good thing in my eyes. You might find this very useful:

www.amazon.com/.../ref=sr_1_1

I suggest the Kindle version. There's an updated one but I'd start with this one.

[Asker]

I am! Thanks for the book rec. I am sampling it :)

[Editor]

He's being extremely nice. You don't describe yourself making sexual suggestions to him; he's not taking liberties with you.

[Asker]

Is it bad that I am not a flirtatious type, in the obvious ways? I do smile and laugh, and say ridiculous thongs/ramble, BUT never anything sexy :/ I just come off as fun, friendly, and sweet. Is being sexually suggestive necessary for him to be physical with me?

[Editor]

If you're in the U. S., you need to say something to him to let him know if you want to have sex with him. It sounds like he's nice and he's not assuming anything. That's what I keep hearing women want and I think that's what he's doing.

[Asker]

Thanks! BUT, I'm a girl, so I don't want to SAY what I want, haha. Sounds terrible, but I am being honest. We want men to read our minds, haha, meaning… hmm… it is leads romantic to tell a guy to kiss me or that I want him. I appreciate him being a gentleman, but at some point I want him to pull he trigger. I am trying everything to show him I really want that and will be receptive! If a girl could do anything to get that across very clearly, without saying it, what would that be?

[Editor]

To make your point without saying anything, start touching him and do what you can to have physical contact without moving away to show him that's all good with you. That's the world we're in now. He doesn't want to risk arrest and I don't blame him.

[Asker]

Ok, I'm on it! haha, thanks!!!

[Editor]

Thanks for MHO!

[YouAreHere]

Maybe he wants to take it slow because he cares about you and worries that rushing into it will ruin whatever bond you two have

[StickStickity13]

He's worried you're not into it

[Asker]

But i'm in my panties stroking his chest, in HIS bed? Guys still, at that point, question if I am interested?

[Anonymous]

I think he's lacking in sexual confidence. When I was 50 pounds overweight, I'd do stuff like you described, i. e. letting girls slip through my fingers when they offered themselves to me. A confident guy will take a risk. If he were feeling good about himself, he would've tried to at least touch p*ssy.

My advice, if you like him, take it slowly and let him figure it out in his own time.

[Anonymous]

Girls (especially the ones we like) are scary as fuck!