When a guy says he wants to make love to you instead of fuck?

[Anonymous]

I've been sleeping with this guy for a year now but known him for about 4-5 years and he just texted me saying that the next time we saw each other we werent going to fuck. we were going to make love... thought that was intresting. Does this mean he's getting serious with me? He always makes a point to show me how much he cares for me and wants me to be happy and loves to see me smile etc etc. Super sweet of him...but I assumed we would just be really good friends who have amazing sex together... so him adding the making love part makes me wonder if he's getting serious because Im sure feeling crazy for him. Id like to know what the guys think. also I often wonder if when he tells me he genuinely cares for me if thats just tip toeing around i love you? remember he isn't one of those insensitive shitty guys, he has been a really good friend of mine for years who doesn't have to play games to get in my pants. The first time we slept together I initiated it. Thanks.

[gray_sailor]

Fucking is a physical act. It is about attraction, arousal, and orgasm. Conscientious sexual partners will still show concern and understanding toward each other, so fucking is not to be taken as meaning either vulgar or selfish behavior. Fucking is just only physical, that is all that it is.

The man you have been having sex with wants something more from you than merely fucking. He is reluctant to move to quickly or to make to radical a change lest it not be reciprocated. He fears the result of one of you left feeling awkward and the other alone.

He is not diving right in and saying:
"I love you." or
"I want you to be my girlfriend." or
"I want a serious relationship with you."

Instead he is changing the character of your sexual relationship to one that is more appropriate to a lover than a fuck buddy.

He wants you, all of you, not just your body and more than your friendship. He wants everything you have to give. He is just afraid to come out and ask you directly.

[gray_sailor]

Thanks for the MHO.

[Asker]

Wow yea I was a little shocked when he said that because making love definitely implies deep feelings and its made me an idiot all day long smiling. But I definetly dont have the courage to say it first... last week he was telling me how much he wants to be there for me and cares for me and whats to help me open up and be less scared and worried about things and to let go. I told him I was guarded with my emotions and he asked me to try and open up with him... Asked me why I was so afraid to open up and I said because people leave and hurt me and he told me that was life but he wasn't going anywhere because true friends deal with your drama and accept you for you. I honestly didn't know what to say back other than 'thank you'. We have a long messy history but we always find our way back to each other.

[gray_sailor]

It's fine that you don't have the courage to go first. You just need to let him know that when he summons the courage to make the leap, he will be well received. I'm sure you were a quite lovely idiot what with all the smiling. Good luck to the both of you.

[Asker]

Your welcome for the MHO. You deserve it! Also how do I do that? and yea with the smiling whats happening over here? hahaha. Thanks again.

[gray_sailor]

It's as simple as saying: "I was thinking about what you said about making love. What you said made me feel really good and I want that for us too."

[Asker]

hmmm well right after he said that I told him id really like that... so maybe I already did?

[gray_sailor]

Good job! Keep up with that sort of thing and you'll be just fine.

[Anonymous]

i think you should see that as something good and try to open up to him

[beautifulangel76]

Why don't you try asking him about what he meant by that?

[Asker]

def too afraid to ask.. he mentioned wanting to look into my eyes while he entered me... but we already do look each other in the eyes and it usually feels like more than just sex but well... making love seems like wayyyy more and much more serious of a thing. I kind of took it as an attempt to become even closer to each other than we already are.

[beautifulangel76]

Yeah it seems like he may have feeling for you but is probably too scared to say anything.

[Toldol2]

I think its a way of saying he enjoys beeing intimate with you

[Klaatu51]

it's the same thing basically

"make love" is more politically correct simply

[Despondency]

Romanticized bullshit that people love.

[violettasanchez]

marry the shit out of him

[Anonymous]

I think make love sounds more mature and "responsible" than fuck.

[gray_sailor]

Fuck has its place. Even in marriage. Even in middle age. I make love to my wife. I also occasionally fuck her. She needs both and so do I. Sometimes we need to feel close and connected. Other times she needs to feel raw attraction and desire for each other. Different feeling meeting different needs requiring different actions. Moreover, in modern usage, making love is not limited to intercourse. Neither does it necessitate orgasm for either partner. An afternoon of foreplay is more than enough to rise to the level of making love. If you doubt any of what I'm saying, just ask @GraySailorsBride

[Opinion Owner]

Happy for you