Feeling guilty afteafter humping with my bf, what to do?

[Anonymous]

We have been seeing each other for 4 months and have been bf/gf for 2 months and several weeks. I was raised in a catholic background of waiting til marriage. Of coatse we are hormonal teens and crave touch. Well lately we have been dryhumping and its happened before. But before i would be like ugh I don't know what to feel, feels wrong when he says its normal. He gets sexually frustrated and i understand that because i go along with it and change my mind, often blame him for feeling the pressure. So Saturday it got heated in a hot tub and on a rooftop of a hotel ( i saw his penis) and i was dryhumping on it. Yesterday we were skyping and he masturbated in front of me because i encouraged. Im not goingto lie ever since Saturday I've been feeling horny. Everytime we have a discussion and he tells me how i matter a lot to him and I'm a beautiful girl after intimacy and i always question. He responds how its much easier to appreciate the deeper parts of our relationships when he's not aroused as much. I haven't been sleeping well since Saturday because i have this bad feeling. I dont want to get intimate because it stresses me out but at the same time i get horny. Its causing both of us emotional and mental distressm o dont want that or to even mention it to him for fear that he's going to get frustrated again but many say if he truly cared about me he would understand. I just feel he is going to get tired of my indecisiveness. Please help

[singlebee]

Why dont you stay single then? And wait for your parents to find someone for you and then marry the guy... And do sexual things after that...

I don't care what people say.. especially the bullshit "he would understand.. if he loved you. "Bla bal bla...

What you need to know is if you want a bf find someone who is religious (boring) like yourself...

Cause any guy who Is gonna be with you would wanna have sex someday... Which i know you won't have because of your religious attitude... and then they will get frustrated with you... And eventually dump you...

But if you want your relationship to survive then you should at least do everything asexual except for the INTERCOURSE... which includes DRY HUMPING and you should not Fell guilty about it...
Or you can find someone like you or stay alone

[singlebee]

*Everything sexual

[Asker]

The thing is that i do enjoy it. I just fear that he only likes me more after it and that if i dont do anything he won't or something like that. Then i just feel guilty or maybe overthink things. I am an over thinker. I mean he must like me because he treats me like a princess, he even drove 4 hrs from and to in total so i can spend the day with his family from out of town

[singlebee]

The thing is that you overthink everything... And yup he will love you more after intimacy... It's because of the chemicals released in the brain that makes you closer to that person... but that doesn't mean he loved you less... The other time LOL

[Asker]

Yes i overthink everything and its a huge problem thats affecting me

[BertMacklinFBI]

bottom line, if he leaves you because of lack of further intimacy then just let it happen because.. I mean isn't it obvious why?

furthermore, you obviously make it clear you're uncomfortable as shit. if you're not comfortable with this decision then don't go through with it, it is as simple as that. just say NO. use the power of NO. your friends are right, he will understand if he truly cares. think of this as a way to test him to see if he truly is worthy of your mind, body, and soul. also this is a good way to practice discipline for yourself as well.

[Asker]

I'll try but i think it would be better if i dont mention it to him

[BertMacklinFBI]

you don't have to mention anything, when the time comes let your actions speak for you.

[bomba78]

first of all, do you really honestly believe that sex is bad or do you just feel guilty because of what you have been indoctrined with?

It's a big difference!

If in your heart you can't see anything wrong with it, then follow your gut. If you decide to wait until marriage, most likely you two are not going to last, because he has different views about it.
However, if you do decide to live your life for yourself and what feels right to you, then you two could actually be happy.

Imagine for a second that you two are the only people left in this world and nobody would be able to judge you for your actions. What would you do?

[Asker]

I feel guilty because of what I've been indoctrinated with. I honestly would have sex with him but i fear consequences. I'm going off to college soon. I don't know I've always been taught and read in the bible that sex is intended for marriage only

[bomba78]

what sort of consequences? In college you will be confronted with a lot of unholy behavior lol I think it takes a saint to resist all of it... Do whatever feels right to yourself, if you still depend on your parents financially, well, you'll have to keep on acting like the perfect little angel until you can hold your own weight and make your own money.

[bomba78]

just be safe and use contraception! You don't want to be a modern virgin Mary ;-)

[Asker]

I dont want to get pregnant and i want to wait for the right man

[bomba78]

in that case you need to ask yourself if HE is the right man or not. Then take a decision and not have the poor guy getting blue balls :-)

[swimmersam]

I know how you feel, I was raised in a catholic background as well. And if your boyfriend did care about you he would understand. But also you don't have any reason to feel guilty, when I hooked up with this random guy at a party, I felt so guilty I felt like I was a bad catholic, but then I realized that it's ok and its normal. I just know I won't let it get that far with a random guy, but I might with a boyfriend

[Asker]

How can i not feel guilty? I mean in my heart i feel its right but my mind nags me, I'm an overthinker. But i haven't been sleeping sinc Saturday overthinking and its driving me crazy!!! I dont want to say anything because i know later on ill be like its ok and it will be a cycle

[swimmersam]

I know what you mean by it being a cycle. And it comes down to how comfortable you are. Technically as long as you're not having sex you're still being pure. I'm 20 and still a virgin. I've made out with a few guys. And like I told you, I ended up dry humping one guy I hooked up with. It probably wasn't the best decision because I didn't really know the guy. But it was part of a college experience. It was a good bad decision. But you're with your boyfriend, it's completely different, you are in a relationship!! You aren't having sex yet so don't feel so guilty! I know it's hard bc society and catholism puts a lot of value on your virginity, and having sex. You aren't doing anything wrong.

[Asker]

Thanks your right! I should follow my heart but be safe at the same time

[swimmersam]

Yup don't worry about it too much! It's completely normal to feel the way you do

[sealteam42]

He should respect the fact you don't want to sleep with him yet which means he shouldn't guilt you in to "dry humping" him or any other sexual act if he's that frustrated tell him to go to the bathroom and Jack off and not to bother you with it he's making yo u choose between him and your religion and no offense but religion will always be there in your life and has always been there he's new to you and you don't know how long he's gonna last in your life so yeah

[Asker]

Well we both agreed that we dont want to have sex. He doesn't guilt me into doing that, we just get into it but he does guilt me for doing stuff and then not wanting to

[sealteam42]

Yeah but his line of saying I think more clearly when I don't have a boner that line is bs trust me feelings are feelings men can discuss them no matter what is going on in our heads it's a line that most people use when there fighting with there gf they say let's do it first so I'm not so angry or confused getting off is absolutely pointless when it comes to talking trust me

[Asker]

True and i called him out on that. He said he is capable of telling me that regardless. he's actually told me that before, but he just says it more often or excessively.

[Bill11]

Has he seen your privates too?

[Anonymous]

So you still a virgin?

[Opinion Owner]

So do you believe the bible? I personally believe you will glad you waited if had sex after marriage :)

[Asker]

Yes i am. I will wait until marriage hopefully

[Opinion Owner]

Great i doing the same thing and Its know easy task. I did have the time when my gf left and wondered if that the reason she let but then i realized i just been silly and trying to be pure in thought and wait till after marriage and i believe if you do wait you will receive a reward from God and you be happy you did wait :)