My Boyfriend Wants to go to a strip club for his 18th birthday, makes me feel uncomfortable?

Question

First off before you send me advice, I am not looking for "dump him" "He isn't worth it" "He's cheating on you" because all of those statements are false.  I am not going to leave a relationship I put eight months of effort in over my boyfriend wanting to experience going to a strip club with his single friends.

 were bickering about it back and forth and he was being so harsh and resentful of what I was saying to him. "I'm going either way" he told me when he first told me and each thing he said was getting me even more pissed. He commanded for me to stop making him feel guilty and how he only wants to go out for a night with his friends.  His friends and him are all turing 18 around the same time and want to go to the casino, rent a hotel room, get high and drunk, and go to the strip club. I think he was mostly upset because it was his friends idea and he didn't want me to be against the idea, not go, and feel left out that night while his friends go have fun.   It makes me uneasy and sick to my stomach thinking of a stripper coming up, and hounding him to get a lap dance, or him even watching those girls and getting a boner from it.  Those girls are trained to turn the guys on to get money from them.  Though, I came to a conclusion that I don't give two single shits if he goes and just watches the girls dance, but should I put my foot down and tell him I don't want him giving those girls money for any services? I trust him, it's just I don't trust those girls. I know they only need the money for school, living, etc. but I don't want him touching and being next to a naked/almost naked girl. That's my job to turn him on, not hers.  He was also be high off who knows what and super drunk so his judgement will be impaired, but he told me he wouldn't even think of cheating on me and it's "Going to be like the hangover, where he's the married guy chilling and his single friends are the ones with the strippers." 

I am so depressed and confused on what to think. Help!

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Although he should respect you enough not to go, he's clearly not gonna change his mind just for you. At the very least, get him to agree that he won't touch the women, because him feeling someone else's naked body is not okay. At least not in my book.

Have sex with him/get him off before he goes out with his friends to reduce the likelihood of him getting a hard-on from the girls. In the meantime (like in between now and his birthday), give him some lap dances of your own. Not only will that give you two some intimate time together, it should make the strip club less exciting and less taboo.

The good news is that the drugs and alcohol will likely make him forget what the girls looked like. 👍 But the bad news is that the drugs will undoubtedly impair his senses and, since he's a horny teenage boy, I can't see him NOT doing something he'll regret. You should grab some friends on that night and watch Magic Mike or something lol. It'll stop you from obsessing about what he's seeing and doing.

Bag-A-Bek · Accepted Answer

As someone who has a friend who works in a strip club, while yes he might get a lap dance, it's not going to happen unless he requested it (at least in my area that's how it is). He's a young man going out, having fun with friends, and gaining experience in life. So long as he isn't going to be sticking his dick in any girl then it shouldn't 've an issue.

You say you trust him, then allow him the chance to prove you can trust him. In my perspective, by saying you don't want him to go because "you don't trust those girls" is almost possessive. Like a parent actually. Now I could be wrong with that! It's just that while yes, you two are in a relationship, but he is still his own person. He is allowed to do things even if you don't approve of them.

xHoneyxBeex · Accepted Answer

Well, if you have already expressed how you feel about it then there isn't much that can be done at this point. I know if I were in your situation, I would feel very uncomfortable about it also. I personally feel like he should respect your feelings and not go. I didn't vote in the poll though because in reality, it doesn't matter what anyone on here thinks. At the end of the day, your boyfriend is going to do what he wants to do.

So, it sounds like he's really adamant about going. I hope he doesn't do anything he'll regret later or that will hurt you when he's there. However, if you trust him then that's the most important thing so you just have to try to get to a mental state of being okay with this.

crystalt70 · Accepted Answer

If you trust him, then let him go. Heck, go with him if he says it's okay. I have been to them before. OR, plan a ladies night that night and go watch some hot men strip. It won't do you any good to sit home stewing over it and you can't control what he does. If he messes up by crossing the line, that's when you dump his ass. I know you don't want to hear that, but staying with a cheater that you don't trust wouldn't be healthy for either of you. All you will do is nag and try to control him while he gets pissed and runs further away. You'll end up the heartbroken one then.

soberpiper · Accepted Answer

Most strip or "gentleman's" clubs as they call them nowadays won't even let people under 21 years of age in. But in the event that your boyfriend manages to find one who will, I think its fairly harmless. The amount of money that the average 18 year old carries is hardly enough to get more than perhaps two lap dances and that says nothing about the astronomical cost of alcohol.. In addition, Strip clubs are not prostitute establishments. They have strict rules and are carefully watched by security guards who will throw a young man out on his ear if he gets too carried away.. He's young and coming of age and wants to have a good time with his buds.. Most he'll likely have is a dancer sitting on his fully clothed lap, but that's if he can even afford to have her there...

AlphaPerry · Accepted Answer

You really shouldn't worry. He's turning 18 and he just wants to have some fun. It has nothing to do with finding someone else to turn him on or cheat on you on any way. He just wants to celebrate his freedom with his guy friends. If it makes you feel better, I did the exact same thing when I turned 18 and I was dating someone at the time too. Nothing bad happened. And I spent the whole day with her the next day. You need to trust your boyfriend if you want the relationship to work. If not then you two need to talk about it.

RationalLioness · Answer

I think your real issue is the fact that he might get a boner from it all. I don't think you'd care otherwise.

But it's his B-day. I think he should go and have fun as well as you do the same. I think that what he said was rude though "I'm going to do it anyway".

I know it sucks.

parkway · Answer

You don't have a choice and even if he did all those things with the girls, gave them his money, got a lap dance, and even persued one, what could you do.

He knows that his excuse will be he was drunk or high. If in his heart it is to cheat he will cheat. The damage is in disrespecting your wishes, your fears, your desire to hold his thoughts, feelings and acts only for you.

You are not his wife so you cannot demand.

His getting away with harming you will be a prize for him. Anytime a guy can bring you down in ego and value, he wins.

You fail to understand that if you are the one giving him the sex for free, you can demand a behavior from him. If he does not do what you tell him, end it. if you reward bad behavior and lower your self worth. You will be his door mat for life. Break up get back together , and repeated 4-6 times a waste of time.

DesiDoo · Answer

Give him a personal striptease so that he won't feel the need to go to the strip club

Onyx277 · Answer

I think it's pretty degrading that he would disrespect you and do that regardless of what you think. If he is high and under the influence of alcohol, it is very likely he will pay them because they will hound him as much as they can. You're right, they are only out for the money, and they will push him to give more. Eight months is not that long for a relationship, and you're still really young. I would not stick around for it, but that's just me.

Mishii · Answer

He should dump you you're insane uptight

Poppykate · Answer

My partner has been to a strip club (went with a bachelor party) and trust me- it aren't all that! .
He was saying that while the girl gives you a lap dance, a very large security guy is in the room, overseeing the whole thing, to make sure you don't touch the girl. Like he said, it is very hard to get hard when you have another guy looking at you! after 5 minutes, he thanked the girl and left.

Marihorror · Answer

I wouldn't even be upset about the strip club, I'd be upset that he's being so insensitive to your feelings. Relationships require for both people to take the other persons feelings into consideration and be willing to compromise in some areas. I'd seriously question why going out and watching half naked girls swing around on a pole was more important to him than your feelings. It sounds like him and his friends are going to be doing plenty of other partying, so why is he insisting so hard on the strip club aspect? It's not like your telling him not to go out at all.

Frost_Byt3 · Answer

Your BF is an idiot and really insensitive to your feelings. If i was in his shoes, i wouldn't go. Instead I'd probably ask for a birthday present from the girl right in front of me ;)

RichardTX · Answer

he should go.

DaCrownlessKing · Answer

Guys are much different than girls. Just because we see naked hoes, don't mean we love them, it's just nice to look at. It's like watching softcore porn without jacking off. Just let him go. Use this as a test. If he cheats on you, he's scum and wasn't worth your 8 months

Bandit74 · Answer

I don't know I think your boyfriend is being a dick

if I had a girlfriend I wouldn't want to do anything that would make me uncomfortable if she were to do it.

I wouldn't like the idea of my girlfriend seeing male stripper so I wouldn't go see female strippers.

Maybe try bluffing and say you want to go to a strip club with your girlfriends to see male strippers and see how he reacts to that idea :/

xCutesyLolitax · Answer

I would dump him, but that's just me.

Dakota_The_Rota · Answer

He should respect you enough not to go.

lebcrayz · Answer

Its an 18 year old thing, just another thing he can legally do that he couldnt before.. But if your worried why dont you go with him? They let women in too.

Asianperverts · Answer

No boy friend is the best

TheSpartan · Answer

It's not a problem. Prostitutes rarely preform "extras" for money--especially in the club. A place like that could get in a lot of trouble if their girls preform sexual services.

Imconfusedandlost · Answer

You should go with him... If he decides he doesn't want you to, then you know why and he's an idiot

Anonymous · Answer

Think about it this way. If you wanted to go to a male strip club, or if you ever get married to him and your friends throw you a bachlorette party with strippers, don't you think you kind of owe him this?

Anonymous · Answer

Of course you should "let him" go, you don't own him. It's just a strip club, the girls won't let him touch anyways and they are there to do a job, they won't go crazy over your guy. He just wants to go out with his friends, do you really want to be that sucky girlfriend, who never lets her guy do anything? Honestly let it go, and let him have a good time.