Why did he change his mind about having sex with me?

[Emmalynn7]

I've been talking to this guy for a little over a year now. We've always been interested in each other but he was in a serious relationship. He's just got out of that relationship about 5 months ago and we've been talking quite a bit. He's made it quite clear that he wants to have sex and is sometimes overly aggressive. I've been telling him no, as I didn't want to end up being his rebound coming out of a 3 year relationship and I've never had sex before. (He knows this and has never seen it as an issue. In fact he always talks about how hot it gets him and how he would love to be the one to give me that) I decided that I didn't want to wait anymore and we made a plan for him to come over. When the night came he all of a sudden starts telling me he's not looking to start anything, he doesn't know how I'm going to feel after we have sex, he's scared about what comes after, that he wants me but he feels guilty cause he doesn't know if I'm going to want more. I told him I wasn't looking for him to date me but If he had changed his mind it was okay. He said he didn't want to be the guy to give me my first something if I was going to be let down in the morning. I get that and appreciate it, I just don't understand. He's been trying to sleep with me for over a year and when it came down to it he seemed to change his mind. I haven't asked him for anything or a commitment even. What would make him change his mind like this?

[mizzlalaland]

Probably because he's having a last minute attack of conscience hon. You should be grateful. A one night stand with someone who you're crushing on is not the way. Find a nice guy who wants to date you and wait til you're established before giving your virginity. You deserve the best experience and should hold out in order to give yourself that. I know you're probably in the grip of hormones, especially as you like this guy, but you gotta learn to rein it in and may as well start now. Otherwise 'it' and men in general will rule you.

Thank him for his consideration, take it off the table and let him know you're going to keep it for a proper boyfriend. You never know, he might even step up, but if not, you saved yourself the heartache.

Best wishes!

[Emmalynn7]

Thank you for this :)

[mizzlalaland]

You're welcome, and, thanks for MHO 😊

[Acassa68287]

First of all, KUDOS to him!! He's now being a respectable human being. Sex complicates things. A LOT of things! You say that you don't want a relationship now, but chances are, one of you will in the end. Sex makes situations like this so difficult. And he's right. You should be losing your virginity to someone who you love. He doesn't want you to regret your decision in the morning because this is one you won't ever get back. I think he did/is doing the right thing. I know that's not what you want to hear but I'm sorry.

[Emmalynn7]

It wasn't what I wanted to hear, you're right. Took me a couple days to get to that conclusion but he was right. And considering how he feels about sex and can have it so casually, I guess I should be happy he cares enough to not just go there and walk away after. Thanks for your comments :)

[hypno-trip]

He probably means what he says that he doesn't want to take your virginity and then leave afterward and leave you feeling empty.

[Metlahead]

Just wait a few weeks and if you feel the same way suggest it again.