Flash backs of being raped?

[Anonymous]

I was raped a year and a half ago and shortly after I started talking to this guy and we are still together now. I had a miscarriage a few months ago and for some reason I keep having flashbacks of the rape and certain things bother me now. boyfriend wants me to play with his nipples and I've always felt weird and never did it and the guy that raped me made me squeeze his nipples. I used to be really attracted to tall men, the taller the better. He was really tall and now taller men give me bad anxiety. I just keep remembering how much bigger than me he was and how he was able to control me and I couldn't do anything. It's never really bothered me until after the miscarriage and I don't understand why. It was a good while before I'd even have sex again after it happened. I have a lot of guy friends and they know I haven't been getting any and they want to have sex with me but I won't even hang out with them because I'm afraid that when I say no it's not gonna matter. They are my friends and I know them but they just talk too much sexual things towards me and I'm afraid. My boyfriend had medication switched so he's going through withdrawals and doesn't feel good, been about 2 months for any sex, he won't even cuddle and hardly talks when we hang out. I don't see him a lot because he doesn't feel good but we talk every day. So I'm lonely and am home by myself a lot and I just wanna have some fun and hang out with someone I'm just afraid they won't listen to me. I just don't know what to do anymore, I just feel scared about everything and am so worried that if I say no it's not gonna mean anything like it meant nothing with the man who raped me. I don't understand why it's all coming up after the miscarriage either, before I lost the baby I had been upset that I allowed that to happen to me and that I didn't try harder to get away from him but now I keep getting flashbacks of it happening and things he made me do and it's all just getting to me.

[Firekitty91]

I see a lot of people commenting here saying that you should seek professional help- they are right! That is pretty much the only option and if you let the issue linger on it will, without a doubt affect every aspect of your life.

However I know for a fact that choosing to seek professional help is a huge and difficult step for people who have experienced trauma. You may feel ashamed of yourself.. and even blame yourself therefore you may think that you do not deserve help. This is completely untrue and this is yourself, punishing yourself for something that was 100% not your fault, regardless of what led to that incident. You owe it to yourself to begin healing yourself. Please make the effort to seek professional help. If you ever need any support, feel free to message me as well.

[JannaGirl]

Your first step is going to be a difficult one and it is to seek professional help. The drugs you are on now isn't going to help you except in the short term and it won't be long before it affects your mental health if it hasn't already.

It does not appear that you are in a position to be in a relationship. Perhaps taking a break from it for now might be a better thing to do?

You should seriously consider going the route of seeing a counselor and a therapist.

[SweetCaroline17]

I am so sorry that happened to you! That was obviously devastating and although I've never been raped, I can imagine how you feel. I'm sure you feel scared and helpless, and it makes it even worse that your boyfriend is going through withdrawels. I think if you haven't already, you need to talk to someone about this (specifically a counselor) and they may be able to help you feel better. I wish you luck and I hope you can receive comfort. God bless.

[Anonymous]

Have you been to a therapist at all? It really helps, trust me. Especially if you're having anxiety and flashbacks. It helped me tremendously. Try to stay calm and remember everything is going to be okay. I'm sorry you went through all this. :(

[Asker]

I've not been to see anyone. I did ok with it all until lately. Now I just feel it's a getting out of control. I tell my dr I'm having troubles and he just gives me pills and that doesn't do anything but make me feel drugged up.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh no. Yeah definitely find a psychologist to go to. The doctor isn't good at helping with these sorts of things. Psychologists do wonders though. It could be that the feelings were suppressed, or the anxiety has brought everything out. Either way, it happens and seeing a therapist is the best thing. Meds don't help me either. Talking to someone who can help is the best thing you can do for yourself. ❤️

[Asker]

I thought the dr would set that up or recomend someone. I've talked to a lot of counsilors online and they don't even wanna talk to me, just send me all these different places. I don't know how to get help or do that sort of thing.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh no! Your doctor should refer you but sometimes they're kind of dumb and don't for some reason. I had to find my therapist on my own. If you google your town and the word psychologists together then usually there will be stuff that pops up. Just find whichever one you think sounds good and call them and tell them you need to start seeing them. It's usually pretty quick to get in.

[Asker]

I'm afraid they will want to put me in a psych ward. I don't know that I would even talk much if I saw one. I just don't know or what happens if they don't wanna talk with me either like everyone else

[Opinion Owner]

Don't worry, If you say you're going to kill yourself or something then maybe, but if you're just talking about your rape and anxiety then they shouldn't. I can't tell you how many hours I've spent crying like a total whack job at the therapist. They are there to help you, and they see it all the time, and worse. If they act like they don't want to talk then find a different one, but they should listen and help you.

[KidanisCortes]

Wow this is a really complicated issue, first are you in theraphy of any sort? if not go, it helps. Two noone can force you to do anything you don't want to do.

This is the first sign of post traumatic stress, tackle it NOW before it gets out of hand.

if you need anyone to talk to you can message me no problem :)

[Asker]

I don't see a therapist. My dr just gives me pills that make me feel drugged all day

[Shrugs83]

I'm very sorry someone did this to you... Please know people are here for you if you need it..

The best thing you can do for yourself is to see a professional
My biggest regret when I saw a professional is that I didn't confess to her about my molestation

[Chick180]

Seek professional help. You need help getting through this.
I'm so sorry that happened to you.

[Anonymous]

you should try going to counseling.