Should I keep my virginity a secret?

[Anonymous]

When I have sex for the first time.. Would it be better to leave out that I'm a virgin? Like I know some guys who don't like hooking up with virgins because they don't want them to get attached and they can't go as hard as they want to. I know it will probably hurt but I feel so lame that I haven't done it yet.

[Esplorare]

I wouldn't recommend keeping your virginity a secret.

Think about what you just said: "They don't want them to get attached and they can't go as hard as they want to." How disgustingly selfish is that? Seriously. How disgustlingly selfish and sleazy is it that someone is so overly concerned with their d*ck that they cannot fathom practicing patience, understanding, and compassion for a virgin female who may bleed and be in legitimate pain and discomfort? They think their d*ck is of such extreme importance that they couldn't even have one sexual experience where it is not all about their dick, their genital being pleased, and them getting to "go as hard as they want to". That's nasty. That is disgusting mentally, morally, spiritually, AND emotionally.
A "man" who is that boastful, arrogant, unloving, and conceited is not worth sharing the uncontrollably vulnerable experience that is female virginity. Even if you weren't a virgin, you would STILL probably end up trapped in his disappointment.

There is nothing lame about being a 20 year old virgin. In fact, it's actually pretty impressive and admirable! It takes a lot of self-discipline and self-control to be an adult virgin. Being that picky suggests that you truly respect and care for yourself in the way that you didn't want to risk the future you for the sake of your coochie via momentary pleasure. Plus, it's kinda special that only a select few will know what you look like having an orgasm. Only a select few can truly say they have explored and discovered each and every curve of the wonderland that is your body. Only so many people knows your sexual side and there's something honorable and intriguing about that. Virginity is a great test to see who's a pig and who's not.

[Esplorare]

Thanks for MHO :) Hopefully, this answer encourages you to remain being picky about who you share yourself with in such an uncontrollably intimate way. Sex is great but most women would attest that it's not worth the often severe, long-term harmful emotional, mental, and spiritual consequences. The biological design of a penis is absolutely exquisite and amazing yet the being attached to that penis, especially in our modern day world, tends to be a hot, steamy, flammable, toxic tar of pit. The closer you get to them, the harder it is to get clean from their heavy mess.

[Esplorare]

lol *pit of tar not tar of pit :P

[Asker]

You're welcome! HAHA "tar of pit". Yeah I'm experienced in terms of other stuff. There were about 4 times I could have sex but they were either: assholes, strangers, or way too old for me. It sucks because my friends have all done it and I feel a little left out. I mean that's not the reason why I want to (I'm definitely ready) but it doesn't feel that great either. Thanks so much for listening to my rant I appreciate it. Whenever I try to talk to my friends about it they give me a pity party which isn't want I want.

[Esplorare]

ohhhh, I see. Hmmmm verrry interesting. Sex is overrated. Seriously. I find that the people who tend to overly romanticize sex either have serious emotional issues, self-esteem issues, they're narcissists, or they are men who struggle getting female attention. Trust me, I have dated a ton of various guys and even just by having very real, honest, deep conversations with men about sex. One of the hottest, most sought after men I've ever met told me that "sex ruins things on a deeper level. Once you start having too much sex, it takes away the strength of the emotional bond and can distract from the mental connection." Another guy I dated who was absolutely gorgeous and charming had been used for sex by his ex, claiming that she so frequently wanted sex that it made it seem like a chore to him. He had a lot to offer mentally and emotionally so he didn't appreciate being treated like a highly prized dildo. Sex is tricky and it's typically not worth the confusion and stress.

[Esplorare]

I know it's frustrating because you are human and you were biologically designed with a sex drive! But just know that you aren't missing out on much. Sex usually isn't even good when there's not a certain level of chemistry. It can be awkward, clumsy, and it often takes more than once to even really start enjoying sex with that person. Sometimes it's not even a full body experience, it's literately just a 'genital and ego experience'... the heart isn't involved, there are lazy/sloppy/careless hands, no sensual touching... it's literately just all genital. Lame. Lol seriously you are not missing out on all that much. Don't be one of those females that loses her virginity and is like "That's it?" then another guy later in life comes along who is so sweet, loving, and affectionate that you can't help but wonder how he would have unwrapped and taken care of that gift...

[XRabbitHeartX]

I only lost my vcard a week before my 21st. It's nothing to be ashamed about. I know lots of girls my age who are virgins. I don't think you should keep it a secret. Be proud of yourself for waiting till the moment you were ready! Besides you want the guy to be gentle with you and take care of you. The right guy will understand this. Only a asshole type of guy will think "uuuuggggh a virgin... now I have to be gentle". Seriously... I'm sure you want a guy better than that :P

[Kelser31]

When I first met my current boyfriend I was a virgin and he said he liked that I was a virgin, granted I made him wait a few months before actually doing the deed. And it only took a few a times before we were able to start having rougher sex. Just don't get with a guy who pressures you. Everything me and my boyfriend have done has been at my pace and now we have awesome sex, I went from being an innocent little virgin to being the sex he has ever had ( his words not mine)

[TJM27]

I would want her to tell me so I know to be gentle and take it slowly. If I was dating her or even if it was just a one night stand I don't want to hurt her just so it's more enjoyable for me

[JustinCaseUDontKnow]

Yea why would it make a difference whether you tell the guy or not tell the guy
that your a virgin i think it's your personal decision that you make on your own.

[CommieDearest]

If you don't want to tell them you don't have to. But it's not embarrassing.

[Zendrya]

Do not hide it. It hurt so much I was nearly in tears it is much better to just say it.

[Klaatu51]

if u are with a guy that u r dating SERIOUSLY... no be honest better :)

[KDA20]

I would tell the man because he needs to be gentle for your first time.

[Phoenix98]

I don't really see what difference it makes I mean who cares if he knows your a virgin? it's not something to be ashamed of.

[Anonymous]

I would because some guys like to know so they can extra gentle. Also some, like me, dont deal with virgins, so you should say so they know what theyre getting into.