I had my first threesome and I got jealous but I don't know how to tell my boyfriend how I feel. Has anyone else had a bad threesome experience?

So I had my first threesome with my boyfriend and my friend. And I feel like my boyfriend paid more attention to her then me. There was a point when he was on top of her fingering Her and making her scream all crazy and I just sat there wanting to cry. I didn't enjoy it. Hookin up with my friend was fine but I just hate feeling like she got more attention. She isn't prettier then me, i'm thinner and prettier then Her and he tells me now he doesn't even find her attractive. But that has to be bs cause he couldn't make me cum once during the threesome and he gave her 3 orgasms. (And seriously he made her moan so loud ugh I wanted to just disappear) I feel horrible I never should have done it. I don't think I can get over it. Sometimes I just sit and think about how Into her he was and how obvious he loved touching her and I wanna be sick. It's bs because we have great sex when we're alone but he just paid more attention to her when we all together and I just was left out. He has had many threesomes before and knew it was my first one but he still went after her vag like it was the only thing that mattered. They didn't have sex but when we were sucking him he only got hard when she did it. I just feel horrible. I only did it cause I knew he wanted it. I just wanna make him happy but I can't get over them together. I feel like I should have just left the room and let them fuck. Has anyone else had a bad threesome experience? Or experienced jealousy during it? How did you deal?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Sex between a man and a woman is very special. Why did you let him talk you into agreeing to bring another woman in? It is no longer between the one woman and one man. Apparently he needs other women. You are not enough for him.

    As for the attention he gave her, it was his chance to be with her. He knew he could have you anytime, so he concentrated on her. If you ever do that again (which would not be smart) he will do the same thing.

    I know what you meant when you said they didn't have sex, but please realize that everything you guys were doing was a form of sex. For instance, they don't call it oral nothing, it is oral SEX.

    Chances are you may never get over it. It turned out quite traumatic for you. If he had done this with you not part of it, you would call it cheating. He got you as part of it to have fun with two gals and to make it seem like it was not cheating. Even if you are able to get over it, he will want to do it again and will use the argument that you have already done it once against you.

    My only experience with a threesome was a lifetime ago. The woman and I had a sexual relationship but not an emotional one. So it was fine. No regrets ever. But it would not have been if there were emotions involved. So in my case, no jealousy was involved and there was really nothing to deal with. But in your case, I don't think there is anyway you can deal with it and make it better. None!

    And although you say hooking up with your friend was fine, she will always be the gal you watched sucking your guy and having three orgasms with him. Sooner or later there is a good chance that friendship is ruined.

    • Yeah I'm not mad at her tho. She was just there. And maybe I don't even care about our friendship anyways. And Honestly I would have rather him cheat on me then make me watch.

    • She was not "just there". If she was, it would have been her just watching. And how did he "make" you watch? You obviously agreed, and apparently you are the one that invited your friend in. And you should not have to prefer to have him cheat over having you watch. There should be no other woman involved, whether you are aware or not.

  • I really don't think your problem is that she got more attention. It was him having sex with another woman makes you feel betrayed, but you gave him permission and therefore you need to try to find a flaw in his actions to justify your feelings of betrayal. It is only natural that the new partner will get more attention. New is always going to be more exciting. That is just the way it is.

    What happened here is that you made a mistake in agreeing to do this, and now he is getting defensive because you are blaming him for his actions. You are not unreasonable for feeling the way you do, but honestly he didn't do anything wrong. You are entitled to your feelings, but you are not entitled to cast him as the bad guy because you didn't like the way he had sex with another woman after you gave him permission to have sex with her.

    The moment you treat him like he did something wrong your talk is over. If you want to talk to him about it, then you need to make sure he knows you aren't blaming him. It doesn't sound like you are the kind of person that can handle threesomes. I would just tell him that the threesome made you feel uncomfortable and undesirable and that you don't want to ever do something like that again.

    • I 100% don't blame him. I let it happen it's my fault. I told him that. I'm just hurt and I know how to let it go.

    • *don't know how

    • "I just thought maybe he'd be more sensitive to my feelings and not just make me watch him do my friend" That sounds like you are on some level blaming him. That is what I am talking about. When he picks up on this attitude he is going to get defensive and the conversation will be over.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • and that's exactly why I do threesomes only with 2 strangers (but that doesn't mean that they wear all good, other things can go wrong too)

    I'd say just forget about it. tell him that you didn't like it and won't do it again. just because he paid a little bit more attention to her doesn't have to mean that he finds her more attractive. you have to see it this way. he can have sex with you every day, you probably did it dozens of times. a different girl is something new and exciting, finding out what she likes and seeing her reaction makes it interesting. that's something you had to expect when agreeing to it. don't do threesomes with your boyfriend if you are not 100% sure it will be fine

  • Honestly there's a big chance that you'll never get over it, I think the best thing to do would be discuss it with him and see what he says and realize that you can't make him happy if yyour not and tell him that it be best if y'all only did thing with each other, and if after that things still seem upsetting then it probably be best to just leave him.

    • Your probably right. Ugh I don't want to leave him but we sorta discussed it a little and his reponse was that he feels like he did nothing wrong. So after he said that I didn't wanna tell him how bad I feel about it. He says that's how threesomes go the guy takes turn on the girls and I just thought maybe he'd be more sensitive to my feelings and not just make me watch him do my friend. Ugh this was a horrible idea.

    • If he can't be sensitive to your feelings and doesn't seem to understand what your trying to say then he probably just doesn't care and just wants to try things with other people. Hopefully that isn't the case but it seems to me like it might be.

  • yeah of course he did. she's a new shiny toy. which is why i would nevr do it with an actual boyfriend

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • It appears that you two didn't talk it completely out before having that threesome. You should have talked about what he wanted to do and what YOU wanted to do in that threesome. That way you, or him wouldn't be surprised by what might happen.

    It's a shame you didn't enjoy it. It's a shame he didn't pay more attention to you.

    Me, I've been in SEVERAL threesomes and before each one, we discussed our fantasies along with what was off limits. If you would like to talk, in private, you can reach me at nothingtosee@yahoo. com

  • You need to rethink this on multiple levels. First, I'm guessing your discussion before embarking on this had little talk of what the rules were. If it did, there should have been something said about when one of you became uncomfortable about the situation. But that obviously didn't happen. Second, I wouldn't view it as all bad. Here's the positive takeaways from it. You know your boyfriend can make a women orgasm. So now the two of you can focus on making you orgasm. And he paid more attention to her because he was experiencing someone new to him. It's really that simple. I've had numerous threesomes, both FFM and MFM, and I've only had a couple of "not positive" experiences. Both times I was the other male with another couple. And both times it centered around the other couple not following the rules that they themselves had set down beforehand, and I had to speak up and say something about it.

    • Her details included that she could not orgasm during the threesome. Sounds like she has no problems with orgasms when one on one.

    • @Red_Arrow, that is understandable when someone is experiencing tension during the threesome, or any other time when they are engaged in sexual activity.

    • Well to me he didn't even try to get me to orgasm. He mostly just focused on her then fingered me for like 2 mins and then stopped cause he wanted us to suck him off. It was just all about him. When he told me he'd would make it about me. My friend could tell I was upset before he did and she told him to stop touchjng her (cause he went back for more) and to play with me.

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  • They started having anal, so I left.

  • next time have a threesome but this time MFM.

    • He said that would make him jealous and he couldnt handle it. How ironic right haha

    • I had the same problem with my girlfriend though we never had threesome. she was insisting me to have a threesome. I declined she fought with me. I asked if she was not satisfied with me sexually. she said no, that she just wants to experience once. I told her ok we will have three some but FFM. to this she again started fighting that I wanted to have sex with another girl ha ha I was literally mad. I lost my mind at that time.

  • this is why you dont do FFM threesomes with someone you're in a relationship with. the woman always gets jealous, because in a woman's mind, sex is all about being emotionally attached.

    for guys sex is just sex. im sure your boyfriend doesn't feel anything for her. just being allowed the experience with someone else is very arousing, and he has already had sex with you, so of course she was going to be more interesting. it has nothing to do with his feelings for you

  • Well, no fucking surprise. You got gaslit into allowing your boyfriend to cheat on you. You need to break up and find someone who respects you and stop this sexual deviancy.

    These feelings are your soul telling you this is wrong.

  • This is why I will never have a threesome, someone always gets jealous and it poisons the relationship

  • This is why i have no threesomes.

  • This is complicated. But after much thought, ask yourself what you expected and why. If you still like the idea, chalk it up to a bad experience. Talk to you boyfriend and explain what concerned you and ask to propose the 'third' that you play with next time.

  • haha girls who have threesomes deserve this, that's just sick you literally let him cheat on you

    • You're under 18. Have you even had sex?

    • no i'm 17 but i know for sure that you're way out of your mind, you shared your boyfriend with another girl... omg

    • Please take a seat. And if you are this judgmental being a computer screen I can't even imagine how close minded you are in person.

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