My girlfriend told me a Guy 'Anally- RAPED' her when she was younger should I ditch from baggage?

[Anonymous]

Im weirded out by my girlfriend right now I know it's wrong. Only now do I understand her random crying but I feel awkward now. Im bad at empathy. My response to her was diabolical. We were talking about her being white and my parents being anti-white (im part black). She said she will always be mine. I found this weird im not use to romantic talk. I looked at her and she was crying I got confused she said for me to promise not to judge her. She described how a Guy put his stuff in her backside and mouth. I dont know why I became disgusted I let go of her hand hugged her and walked in the direction of home all in silence. She called me 100* and I asked who it was that did it and whether she was aroused in anyway... She cried saying she was a little but hated it and said she felt like she cheated on me. I feel like morally I should stay and for selfish reasons I should go. Im weirded out as fuck because I used to joke about one day putting it in her backside. I think she's losing her mind. I told my female freind to calm her down and I told my girlfriend to not contact me for a week to think. Dating a rape victim will change everything right? From sex to everyday discussions. I can't slap her bum or get angry at her like normal people. This is effecting how I act now. How can she hide this she always seemed happy and popular with guys was this a mask? We've been together 3 months.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't matter how much baggage 'victims' have on average. she's one person. She is the way she is.

She actually didn't ask you to do anything different. She didn't ask you to not slap her butt. She didn't ask you to stop joking (i. e. hinting and hoping) about having anal sex with her. Maybe she will never want some things. Maybe because of what happened to her. Maybe she won't be affected, or maybe she'll need to go slower. Maybe she will want you to do some things with her, because she'd rather do them with someone she cares about and put her past behind her. Maybe she would have wanted to anyway.

If you like her and care about her and things were going well, I'd keep trying. Try not to assume anything, try not to act different. Yeah, this is new to you, but she's been dealing with it for years, so in some ways she may have a better handle on it then you. Be open to her talking, realize that sometimes YOU may feel odd or bad about things, and need to overcome them.

Basically, you want to be empathetic and willing to be supportive, but also strong enough that YOU aren't forcing her to be a victim. Some shitty things have happened to her. Some days she may need support from you, but others, she needs you to show her how much fun sex should be. And not just you know boring gentle stuff, wilder stuff if you're both into it. She was victimized in the past not because of what specific sex acts were done or how, but because of the lack of consent. Consent is everything.

If you reach major problems in the relationship where she isn't trying to work with you to overcome them.. THEN break up while perhaps staying friends would be the right decision for you.

That's the ideal answer, anyway.

[RexCatholicissimus]

Obviously it's a horrible thing to have to DROP someone due to something like that, but at the same time if you can't deal then there's really no point staying in the relationship, cause fuck, what's the point? What good are you doing either of you if it's gonna eat away at you like this, you're just gonna be paranoid about her, now.

Frankly I think you're lucky that it's only a 3 month relationship because you could feasibly end it with her now without there being too much trouble. She'll probably feel like a piece of shit if you DO ditch her, but like you said, that kind of thing tends to manifest in some messed up ways that you may not be able to deal with (especially since you said it turned her on).

[Paris13]

... This is a mask...
She was Scared that something like This would happen and it sorely and surely did. This is why the Mirror has Two faces was Hiding in her Past because she knew when she told you the truth That it would not Be... A blast.
You do not love her Unconditionally and you will never forget or forgive her. The best thing you can now is walk away and being you have said all that there is to say, I commend You being an Honest John and Not a back stabber of Being two faced down the fine line in time.
Good luck. xx

[Bards]

Dating a rape vicitim doesn't always change everything if you help her get help.

If you can't handle it then tell her how you feel and separate.

[IamNuts]

I don't understand. Did she get raped while you were in a relationship?

[Asker]

kinda because we were dating and she comes out with this news

[BertMacklinFBI]

if you can't dig the relationship then its best you just leave. take some more time to think on it but let her know that at least.

[Yasmine_yasmine]

Sorry in advance but you are a terrible, terrible, selfish person who does not deserve this girl (or any other girl.) Have a great life. You can't slap her bum, oh how tragic.

[Asker]

No im trying to show u how my general behavior will be effected. I can't act the way I want or naturally would.

[RexCatholicissimus]

@Asker I don't think she wants you to actually explain the situation to her, she just saw the word rape and got triggered. You're gonna encounter that a lot of you tell people you were with a raped girl.

[AmeerX]

Actually, you will victimize her even further by breaking it with her. She needs you and think of her as a normal person. Nothing will change just ask her if she will be alright with it, since you love each

[Anonymous]

You sound rather shallow, so she'll probably be much better without you.

[Anonymous]

Wow, just kick her while she's down.