Am I wrong to be upset about my boyfriend watching porn?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly a year, we were friends for several years before that. He is 12 years my senior. Recently I have been staying over at his most nights and we have spent nearly all our time together for the last month or so. I've been quite hurt as a couple of times I have come up stairs and I've heard him jump up to his computer to close what he was doing (I was obviously quite expecting he was watching porn). He recently had a couple of days off work with bad toothache and he downloaded more porn (I seen it in his recent downloads when I was picking something for us to watch). I didn't bring it up until I had a think about it and knew I couldn't leave it without saying anything. I said to him I'd seen quite a few porn downloads on his computer and I was feeling quite insecure and I was concerned there was something wrong between us. To start with I felt although he wasn't attracted to me anymore. He was quite defensive with me and he walked out accusing me of thinking he was a sex maniac. After a couple of hours had passed I went to speak to him, he had been drinking and he was still defensive, he said most men watch porn and it doesn't mean anything about me it's just something they enjoy doing. I said I can try to understand it from his point of view however he also needs to see where I am coming from. He said he was sorry and that he thinks I'm gorgeous it has nothing to do with me that he enjoys watching porn. I am more hurt than anything that I was in the house and he didn't seem to try anything with me he just went off on his own to watch porn with me downstairs. He told me (in mind he was drunk) that I am his favourite person in the world and the most important person to him and he loves me. That was the first time he told me he loved me. Do I need to be worried? Is it normal for a guy to want to watch porn when he has a girlfriend he is sexually active with? Guys, do you have a girlfriend and still watch porn? Is it anything to do with your relationship? Girls, have you caught your boyfriend watching porn and if so how did you deal with the situation?

[AustinMan]

Why Men Watch Porn and Look at Other Women

Okay. Let's take a major step back and try to not make this all about you, shall we? When a man engages in sex with a woman, it's a complicated affair, pun intended. He has to take into account her needs, boundaries, stated preferences, feelings and a host of other factors. All this before he even gets to the part about his needs and trying to achieve the closeness he seeks. You wouldn't have it any other way. You want a considerate, caring lover, no doubt.

When he watches porn, it's all about two things: fantasy and convenience. If you really, honestly expect him t never lust after another woman in his head, you sadly mistaken. He was a girl watcher when he found you and finding you, no matter how satisfying, doesn't kill that desire to look. There's an old saw that is absolutely true: when a guy's through looking, he's through. He is, to put a point on it, NEVER going to stop looking at other women. Nor do you want him to.

It's that sexual desire that's the engine of your intimate relationship. Nor do you stop looking at attractive men nor does he want you to for the same reason. That he looks at other women and porn says nothing about how he feels about you.

So porn is about him fantasizing. It's also where he likely finds new ideas to bring to your conjugal bed that you'll hopefully find very entertaining.

The other reason men watch porn is convenience. He doesn't have to take all those factors I mentioned into consideration. It's just him and his dick.

Bottom line: fear not!! Just relax and enjoy the man in your life and ignore the porn. Or better yet, offer to watch it with him. It makes a great warm up.

[JuicyBrain]

Lol, was that a copy-paste from another identical question? 😂

[AustinMan]

Yep. Same question--same answer.

[Xelebrum]

There are 5 main reasons why guys who are in a relationship still watch porn, and none of them have to do with them preferring the women in the porn videos over you.

1) He's horny and you're unable to have sex with him at the moment
2) He's horny and you're unwilling to have sex with him at the moment, or at all
3) He's has certain fetishes that he knows or feels you wouldn't like, like anal
4) He's addicted
5) All of the above

For the vast majority of guys who still watch porn when they have girlfriends (or boyfriends), their reasons are one of the first 3.

And to answer your questions at the end:
- No you don't need to be worried.
- Yes it's normal.
- I do not have a girlfriend.

[OrangeBoy]

6) Seeing different women reactions to sex. Yes we like to see alternatives. Does not mean a wish to treason.

[JuicyBrain]

@OrangeBoy 7) I feel lazy and wish to have sex that is centered only on my pleasure.

[crystalt70]

You are not WRONG, but you need to relaize that it's very common for guys to watch porn. They will do it whether you want them to or not. It's up to you to decide how you handle it, because your reaction will determine whether they hide it from you or not. He is not going to stop just because you want him to. It doesn't mean that something is wrong in your relationship and it doesn't mean that he doesn't care about you. When he said the things that he said to you (especially while drunk), he wasn't lying to you. You need to decide whether you can be with a man who watches porn, but also realize that the next man most likely will too. Not all guys do, but a good majority does. I used to feel the same way that you did. Then i became more open and joined in. I realized it for what it was. It actually made the relationship better as far as that stuff was concerned. I looked at it as, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Hey, you just might learn a thing or two, that includes things about yourself.

[Asker]

Thank you 😊 I did consider this, I obviously left him defensive so I think it's something I need to let settle and let go if for myself, I value your opinion!

[Hannah591]

You don't need to be worried at all. Every guy does it and it doesn't mean he fancies the porn stars. It's just something to trigger his sexual desires so he can masturbate. If it's bothering you, it means you've got insecurity issues. You need to talk to him about it.

I never had a problem with ex's watching it. I've watched porn with all my ex's. It's a fun thing to do and to learn together. I never got the impression they preferred the porn or the women and I made sure they knew that real sex is a lot different. I personally watch porn. I wouldn't stop just because my partner had some insecurity issues. They're looking more at the act, not the women.

[Derpyy]

Yes! This exactly. Take my upvote, lady! :p

[Cmasterson]

It's definitely normal for guys to watch porn whether or not he is in a relationship! It only becomes a problem when they're choosing porn over you, which isn't the case for you luckily! Porn can be very healthy for a relationship- have you ever tried watching it together? You never know it may bring something new out between the both of you.
All my past boyfriends have watched porn, the 1st one, we actually watched it together and the 2nd, I resented him because he did indeed choose porn over our sex life xx

[JohnScofield787]

There is nothing wrong with you. He should not be doing it.

[Derpyy]

Hi there. I watch a few times a week and I live with my boyfriend. I make him cum every night and sometimes when he is asleep, I go and watch porn and "take care" of myself in the guest room. He knows that I am attrscted to him and vice verse. He's caught me watching porn several times and he just laughs and shakes his head before leaving me be. You could always try to bring porn into your sex play. I honestly do not think that since he watches it, he is losing his interest in you. I love porn, and I love my boyfriend to bits. We make ourselves happy whenever we can. Sorry of TMI.

[MadameJulietta]

You're within your rights to tell him not to use your computer for these things. However, I don't think you'll get very far trying to control his fantasies in general.

Nearly every guy looks at porn, and I'd say it's much more healthy to be in a relationship where you are accepting of it so that it's open&honest, than one where he has to hide it.

Good luck.

[SarahsSummer]

I caught my boyfriend masturbating but learned my lesson on that one that it's normal. He and I watch porn together sometimes in bed. I'm mostly concerned that he chose to jerk off to porn WHILE you were there and not interested in using your body for his release. Do you have a good, active sex life together?

[JustinCaseUDontKnow]

You need to tell him you that he can watch porn but don't expect sex
cause they will do that but If i had a girlfriend why would i need to watch porn?

[zombiebabe]

if he prefers porn that having sex with you it means that something is really wrong... you guys should have a conversation with each other

[cinderelli]

i don't know about others.. and i don't have a boyfriend... but i would be totally okay with him watching porn as long as it doesn't affect our sex life in any way... i would even watch it with him if he would like to.. it is not a big deal at all..

[xOGxDub]

All i have to say is its 50 - 50
some guys do it because they don't want to bother you with his urges but you should
if thats something you like taking care of

[Ilovedrumming1337]

I had a girlfriend that went nuts when I watched it but I never watched when I was with her in the same room isn't right most women don't like it.

then again if he told you before then it shouldn't be a problem I told my girlfriend I wach it when im not with her and she was happy that i told her and was honest tho.

[Anon-ymous1]

Why does him being twelve years older than you matter? You like him don't you? So why even mention it? And yes, it's normal, and he's still very into you.

[AlwaysBelieving]

TLDR:

You two have different views of porn and on relationships.

[JennieF]

Unless you want to watch with him.

[vekin]

You are right to be upset!
He should learn to control himself and if not it may be better to say good bye to him

[Inevitable_opening68]

Watching porn is alright if he is open about it just seems unnecessary though considering he is in a relationship, it is how you view it and if you are upset maybe he doesn't give you that much of attention and it is valid. by the way you can save some videos locally by using VideoPower RED try looking a guide at grabporn

[Anonymous]

To be honest I think it’s fine when my boyfriend watches it when I’m on holiday and things and I can’t exactly always be there for him. I trust him fully and know he loves me. However, I can see why people don’t because it makes you feel like ‘but you have me’ kind of thing

[Anonymous]

it's just movies, is it normal to use vibrator when you have a bf?

[Anonymous]

No you are not wrong to be upset!! A person in a relationship, should not be watching porn. Porn is right below cheating. They are looking at other people to get sexual satisfaction. They are getting aroused and getting off to other people that are not their partner.

[Anonymous]

"We were friends before we became an item". So, does that prove that guys and girls can't be "just friends"?

Also, if you knew he watched porn, why did you get with him, if you dot like him doing it?

[Anonymous]

Your boyfriend should slap you silly!