Guys, my boyfriend looks at pics from The Chive for his own personal pleasure, but finds it weird to use my photos for that. Is that normal?

Hi everyone! In a nutshell, I'm having a little bit of a hard time accepting the idea that my boyfriend looks at pics from The Chive for his own personal pleasure but for some reason if i send him photos of myself in say, a sexy dress he'll find it weird to wack off to. I know that on the chive, most of the pics consist of half naked women, while some are simply just selfies of hot girls. To be honest, I'm more comfortable with the idea of him watching porn than looking at photos, simply because photos are at a much more personal level especially if they're not fully nude. They're real girls who aren't engaging in some sexual act, but rather just look sexy. He used to save pics into a folder on his desktop, until I told him it bothered me and now he just looks. Long story short, I understand photos on the chive are a medium to use, but at the same time, it's pretty hypocritical for him to say he can't use my photos as a medium because it's "creepy" or "perverted" yet can do it to selfies of random girls he finds attractive. I know he finds me attractive and I'm secure in myself. I get guys hitting on me from time to time. That's all besides the point. He says that because he knows me, it's different. In the past, he has used one of my photos, but he said he found it strange. Yet, i spoke to some guy friends who told me quite the opposite and had looked at their gf's sexy pics as a "medium". I'm at a loss at what to do, I spoke about it to my boyfriend a few times and he knows my stance on it, i tried accepting it, but it's been difficult especially since he can't even use my photos, so that does make me feel insecure. The way he see's it as- Why would I use photos of you , if I prefer having the real thing? Or better yet in a metaphorical sense- Why give me a brochure of a nice car, when I can drive the real thing? It would be nice to feel like he's aroused by my photos and desires me enough to want to use me as a medium instead of looking at other girls. (esp since we see each other twice a week). thoughts?
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  • I personally don't look on women as sex objects... Sure, I can appreciate an attractive woman when I see one, but I don't archive them for personal gratification later... But if I did, my girlfriend would never be the wiser because I know how women think, and I wouldn't want her giving me grief over something she wouldn't understand, nor would I want her to feel self conscious thinking that I desired other women over her.
    First things first... Humans are strange, period.
    Being creatures of habit, many have fetishes, and many have developed specific turn-ons related "solely in a fantacy realm."
    He clearly can differentiate between his fantasy and reality... I think he just wants to keep the two separate.
    You have to realize, I'm sure he understands he could never get those women he has on his screensaver, nor do I I think it has anything about the desire to do so... But he certainly can fantasize, which is much different than being in a meaningful relationship with you.
    It's my opinion that "if" you like the way he treats you and the relationship you two share when you're together... You need to overlook his "personal fetish" that he uses to masterbate in his "fantasy world" that has nothing to do with you... It doesn't mean he doesn't desire you or doesn't find you attractive.

    • Hi Gman1, I agree with you on a lot of points especially the fantasy/reality seperation. He told me he used to archive photos in case the internet went down. Not sure if I'm completely convinced on that, but he's stopped from what I've seen. As for the fetishes, i don't think he has any, the girls he looks at are slim and good looking nothing that's shocking. I'm just not comfortable with the idea of him looking at fully clothed women and fantasizing about them. I find it creepy. I know that women's body parts are what usually arouses men, so I can see the appeal of looking at women showing cleavage, but random fully clothed girls posting selfies of themselves? That gives me goosebumps. When we're intimate, it sometimes takes him a while to arrive, so being the over thinker than I am, i start to think its because he's so used to looking at these 'chive' women, and getting off to them that when it's the real thing, it's more difficult.

    • Yeah... I'd try not to overthink it too much... Let him keep his private thoughts... It sounds at least like he's trying to be as honest with you as possible, which is more than I can say for a lot of guys. As far as him taking "a while to arrive"... this can be based on any number of factors... Sometimes I have difficulty ejaculating as well, but it's not because I'm thinking of anyone or anything other than my girlfriend... There's a fine line between taking too long and not taking long enough... I wish I could cum on demand but I've not quite figured out how to do that lol... rest assured that it has nothing to do with the physical attraction that he feels for you, his lasting power has nothing to do with his attraction to you... In fact, it could be because he likes it with you so much that he never wanted to end.

    • That was really insightful, thanks for that. As for the intimacy, there are moments he says he's about to cum but then it takes him a really long time (over 20 minutes) and sometimes he won't end up and says it's because of the condoms being all stretched out. He told me he doesn't feel it as much with condoms, which is reasonable. Yet, I feel like it's almost as if he's trying to force it sometimes, which makes me feel like he's not aroused enough

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  • he might respect u more and dont want to use u unnecessarily as a medium

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  • What the heck is the chive?

    • basically a site for men that posts funny stuff and photos of attractive girls

    • Oh. Like texted pictures of their girlfriends?