Sexual Relationships
+1 y

I was raped, do you think it's partly my fault?

A week ago I agreed to experiment sexually with a former friend of mine. He's older and we've been friends for a few years until last night. I've never experienced oral sex or anything like that and I'm already 21 so he volunteered to show me how good it feels. We agreed on everything beforehand. There would be no penetrative sex, only foreplay. He was allowed to finger me and give me oral and I would give him a hand job. It was what I was most comfortable with.



We get to his place and the foreplay starts. He starts to finger me but he was rough and it hurt so I told him to stop. He told me to take off my clothes. I lied down and he got on top of me, kissed my breasts then licked and sucked my nipples. He fingered me gently while he did it and I got really wet cause it felt good. That went on for a little while then he ate me out. He told me he wanted me to cum all over his face. I did the best I could to cum but he was so rough that I couldn't. It felt okay but it probably would have felt better if he wasn't so rough.



Afterward I made good on my end of the deal and gave him a handjob. I used my saliva so it wasn't dry or anything and did the best I could. He wanted to play with my breasts while I did it but they were sore so I said no. I did the handjob for at least twenty minutes and he told me he can't come from just a handjob alone and even with sex it takes him a long time to cum.



He said he would be able to cum if he rubbed his penis between my vagina lips so I said okay. He put on a condom and told me to lie down and he got on top of me. I reminded him not to put it in. He started to rub it on me but he kept pushing at my entrance so I told him that it hurt and to stop doing it.



He didn't stop and when I tried to push him off and get up he held me down and started to penetrate me. I told him stop and that I didn't wan
Updates:
+1 y
wouldn't budge. He just kept kissing me and continued to suck my breasts although I had told him earlier that they were sore. If he knew he couldn't cum by just a hand job alone why agree to it in the first place? I have a couple of small tears near and in the entrance of my vagina and it hurts like hell. In the lower part of my stomach hurts and my breasts are still sore too.
+1 y
I couldn't move for like a minute or so and he was so rough. I told him he was hurting me and to stop but the more I screamed the more excited he got so I tried not to cry. He kept spreading my thighs further apart and took it out and entered me roughly again and he kept going deeper into me until all of him was in me. He did that a few times and I tried to push him off but he wouldn't budge. He just kept kissing me and continued to suck my breasts although I had told him earlier that they wer
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Most Helpful Girls

  • You put yourself in a bad situation and are responsible for many of the actions leading up to the act which took place. You are NOT responsible for him forcing penetration on you. That is merely on him. Although your actions leading up to that point could have prevented the act, this is NOT victim shaming as you will hear from many who refuse to accept responsiblity for actions leading upto something like this.
    It is sheer logical truth.
    If you were to take a peice of steak and tie it to a rope and dangle it in a shark tank, then pull it away when the shark got close. Then rub it against his nose and pull it away, then squeeze the blood from it into his mouth and then pull it away. Regardless of how much you feel that the shark should simply stop once you chose to tawnt it over and over again building up it's natural urges and then decided that because you were done playing he should simply just swim away like it didn't happen... those actions have consequences, and EVEN THOUGH he IS WRONG... 100% WRONG for doing it. YOU ALSO have SOME RESPONSIBILITY for YOUR ACTIONS leading up to that point. Those on here who will adamantly state that this is "victim blaming" can choke on it because logic is logic and your refusal to admit that we should be responsible for our actions as much as men should be for theirs... are the reason rape is made into a joke.

  • I suggest you see a professional therapist about this.

    I had a somewhat similar situation happen when I was younger, where a friend and I had set boundaries for fooling around that we had followed in the past without any issues. One night, when I now think he had taken amphetamines, but didn't realize at the time, he pinned me down, pushed my underwear to the side and had sex with me while I was trying to get up and telling him to stop over and over before and during. I remember being afraid to hit him hard or to attempt to get violent because he was much bigger and I was afraid he'd hurt me. As well as the intense feeling of betrayal from someone you thought was a good person and a close friend that you'd always been there for. So, I have much sympathy for where you're coming from. I have a feeling some of the girls saying mean things to you have also had similar experiences - especially the ones who say that you should have known not to never trust a man.

    It can really mess you up having your trust betrayed like this, especially if you didn't have much prior initiation into sexual matters. Please see someone who can help.

    • I'm so sorry that happened to you. I know it was probably very traumatic. It's like a piece of you get taken away.

    • It was traumatic, but as I have perspective of time on my side now, I want to add that you CAN learn how to cope with unpleasant events in your life and to overcome negative thoughts and tendencies. Getting some professional help can be very valuable. Best wishes to you.

  • No, it's not your fault. As soon as you say no, your sexual partner is required to stop. If you specifically said "No" you clearly stated that you no longer consented. Without consent, it's a crime.
    I'm so sorry you went through something so traumatic, but please know that it isn't your fault. Yes, you were involved in sexual activity, but the law states as soon as you refuse or withdraw consent, it becomes a crime- therefore it wasn't your fault in the eye of the law (and I would say morally he's 100% to blame too).
    Please seek help though. Talk to somebody you trust or anonymously to anyone on these websites:
    www.aftersilence.org/
    www.getconnected.org.uk/Rape-Support
    These offer free help (and get connected is definitely confidential). If you want to (and I would encourage you to) report him to the police. You can have a medical "rape kit exam" done to prove what has happened.
    I hope this helps. Good Luck
    Lucy x
    (Please feel free to message me privately, I'm happy to talk about it if you need support)

    • Thank you.

  • It isn't your fault. You said in the beginning sex wasn't on the table and REMINDED him that you didn't want to. He didn't respect that and forced himself on you. That's RAPE, it's HIS fault. NOT YOURS.

Most Helpful Guys

  • No it's not your fault. You said no and he didn't listen. It wasn't the wisest decision to let him come that close if you were against having sex but he still should have respected your boundaries. Unfortunately humans are flawed and will not always behave as appropriately as we would wish and because of this we have a responsibility to make decisions accordingly. So a lot of people will feel as if you're somewhat at fault because they would not have made the same choice. Actions have consequences and sometimes our actions lead to bad consequence but not everything is in our control. I'm sure if you would have known he would do something like this you wouldn't have trusted him. And it's silly for others or even yourself to blame you for not knowing what you couldn't know. But like I said before humans are flawed and will not always behave as appropriately as we would wish and because of this many will still blame you. You made a bad guess like all of us do at times but in no way was this your fault and in no way should you feel as if you deserve the blame

  • As far as I am concerned you are not to blame. You had an agreement beforehand, he refused to abide by it. Not only did you not consent, you told him to stop. The first time you told him to stop, it should have ALL stopped. He used you, and only he is to blame!

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What Girls & Guys Said

21 30

  • Yes, you were taken advantage of = raped.
    The experience you wanted turned into something completely opposite.
    He didn't respect your "No".
    Sadly, some guys are like this.

    "Do you think it's partly my fault".
    No, I do not think it was your fault.

  • No. It is NOT in any way your fault. He violated you and I hope you bring charges though I'd understand if you didn't. A woman can say no at any time and he has to stop. Period.

    • Are you seeing a therapist for help getting past this? It's so important to recovery.

    • I haven't yet but I plan to. I won't be pursuing charges tho.

    • The charges are neither here nor there. Your mental health is the issue so as Yoda would say, Is not to plan; Is to do!

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  • None of it was your fault. You trusted him and he took advantage of you. He should have stopped the SECOND you told him to. Instead, he held you down and got even more rough.

    I'm sorry this happened to you. You guys even agreed on what you were going to do and set boundaries beforehand. He really had no excuse for how he acted.

    Also, your wording "the more I screamed the more excited he got" is very troubling. Normal guys don't enjoy causing pain during sex like that. Normal guys want girls to enjoy what's happening.

    • "Also, your wording 'the more I screamed the more excited he got' is very troubling." Yikes, I didn't even get to that point! All the more reason to call the cops because this coward sounds like a serious threat to the rest of society if he's got sadistic tendencies like that.

    • You're right.

  • Jesus Christ. Hunny this isn't your fault!!! You told him to stop and he continued! He knew he was hurting you! He's a dirt bag and he deserves to rot in prison! You told him no. You told him to stop. You guys planned it before hand so he knew his limits and decided to go about with his wishes and selfish desires anyways! Don't ever EVER think that this is in anyway your fault!!!

  • "I told him that it hurt and to stop doing it. He didn't stop..."
    "... when I tried to push him off and get up he held me down..."

    NOT your fault. These parts in particular fit the definition of rape. And from reading the rest of this, it sounds like he didn't have respect for your boundaries. It is NOT your fault for wanting to experiment with and explore your sexuality with someone, and you are NOT to blame for him doing this to you when you repeatedly told him not to.

    This was rape. Call the police, tell your parents or someone you trust about this, and DON'T let anyone tell you that you were "asking for it" because you clearly were not.

  • Putting yourself in a bad situation doesn't entitle someone to rape you.

  • i guess partly.. but still you said no, and he did it anyway. that's rape. you should have stopped it earlier, but i guess now you've learned to do that next time. im sorry that happened, thats really awful.

    • I didn't want to just up and stop after he performed oral on me (tho it was rough) cause I didn't want him to think my plan was so have him satisfy me then leave without returning the favor.

    • yeah i understand. in the end it only really matters if you're comfortable though. as you said it was an experiment.. i know you were being polite but when he said he can't cum from a handjob alone you should have just left.

    • I learned from this. When he said he couldn't cum from a handjob I should have questioned why he even agreed to those terms and realized he was expecting something more but it really didn't occur to me at the time.

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  • Is it your fault? No. Could you have avoided it? yes. This was a bad situation, it was escalating and that should have been a warning to you. Its not your fault that this happened but if a similar situation arises in the future (hopefully it wont) then it should be an indicator to leave immediatley.

    • Thanks but I don't have any plans on having a sexual relationship with anyone in the future.

    • At all?

    • Nope.

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  • It's rape. Pure and simple. You were stupid and did some pretty stupid things and made some pretty stupid decisions. They made you unsafe.

    But it's not your fault that you got raped. No matter how safe or unsafe you were, he made the decision to rape you and you didn't make the decision to be raped.

  • It wasn't your fault, you had agreed one thing and he broke this agreement completely. He took advantage of this situation to have sex with you in a way you didn't consent. You were indeed raped and it wasn't your fault.

  • first of all, thanks for the paragraphs. secondly, just get to the main point instead of writing descriptive erotica, holy shit lol. lot of fucking useless TMI.

    you both had an agreement and he broke it, so technically its not your fault in that sense. you definitely could have ended that shit early and said no to his requests, like seriously allowing him to put his dick right on your vajj is the tipping point to him losing control and acting out of impulse just to get off.

    • I'm sorry. I was so detailed cause I didn't want anyone to be confused on what happened so people could give an honest opinion and I don't find it to be erotica.

    • next time gouge his eyes. it'll be self-defense since you already said no.

    • It's not erotica, she's trying to provide details about a instance where a guy took advantage of her vulnerability. The actions of each participant are completely relevant to this asker's question.

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  • Not your fault at all, he had no self control.
    Even in situations like this a guy should only do the things you consented to do.
    If he knows he might not be able to hold himself back he should not have done it in the first place.

    Rape is NEVER your fault!

  • ABSOLUTELY not. You were clearly struggling and saying to stop and he should have respected that.

  • Yes Usually I'm a person that's always skeptical of what is rape... maybe if you've seen some of my opinions

    But this is rape for sure... so what happened after all this was done? Like the minute he stopped what happeened right after?

    • And no, in this case it's not your fault at all He forced you down and you were saying no...

    • He got off of me and asked if I was in a lot of pain. Then I went in the bathroom.

    • Ok then what, didn't you tell him 'hey you just forced yourself into me even though I said no'

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  • This is not your fault. You set boundarys and he did not respect them.
    A woman or man for that matter can say no or stop at any point during any sexual act and that means you are not giving consent, if the other partner ignores that then it is sexual abuse/ rape and that is never the victims fault.
    I am so sorry you went through this and hope you can get past it in the future, I'm here for you if you ever need to talk.

  • He's disgusting. Its isn't your fault. Don't listen to these dumb bitches saying it is.

    What is wrong with the female population smh

  • WHAT THE FUCK? you really didn't have to write a chapter here.. lol.. i think you enjoyed it,.

    • other than that.. he should have stopped when you told him to... but it is partly your fault..

    • You're despicable.

    • @Kroakies_krickees you talkin' about the movie? Gru? He was awesome.. 😂😂

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  • Make sure you make this to the police.

  • You cannot be at fault as a victim of you're own rape. Only you're perpetrator (rapist) is at fault for that. Obviously he is a terrible lover and has less then pristine self control, unable to subdue to you're needs, as you are unable to overcome his dominance. Since you are a female, when he misbehaved violently to a known inexperienced submissive tendency. You're breast hurt because you were turned off amidst a painful interaction being the sudden changes emotional reaction from gentle and vigorous. His carelessness for you, and selfishness only for himself turned him on at the whims of you're pain afterwards. You didn't agree to what social control he had over you, but he got it over with. With a condom to claim you're virginity. You were not impressed with his performance and this is something other woman should know about. You are also extremely sensitive. You should practice solo before trusting a demented male to do it for you. Nonetheless you nothing wrong. There is a way to get retribution in equal for sexual deviancy not at you're consent, but given how do you prove that vs his defense saying you have a vendetta against him and that it's not because of cheating? A hired undercover, investigative, sworn under oath, sex professional contractor to testify aftermath, or surveillance. A specialty detective can bring that enlightenment to him the hard way or he can admit it and take it like a man. 1 count of sexual deviancy, 1 count of rape, 1 count of kidnapping, and somebody has to flip the bill for you're therapy because he ruined you for the rest of us men who need to build you're trust over a greater extent, if we ever want to have sex with such beauty.

    • 😂 It's easy to detect falsification due to "in the lower parts of my stomach hurts". Also since she is a innocent virgin, inexperienced, and a nice, good girl, she is not capable of knowing not to allow him to rub his penis at her entrance, (on her vulva), after failing the first time and compensating with kisses and gentle foreplay. He fucked up with his fingers and dried the field pathetically failing to satisfy her. Since she is at a disadvantage after he cogged her and lost control at the point his testosterone overwhelmed his cog by his strength. These criminal charges are still accurate. She will not trust pain. Still gave it away with "bottem of my stomach hurt" 😂. Once bitten twice shy.

    • Add 1 count of improper proceedure, 1 count of involuntary infringement, 1 count of encroachment, for bonus flavors and colors.

  • Part of it was rape. You should have cautioned him about your limits in advance. Other than that, it's not your fault.
    I guess some guys get so pleasured during sex to the point they can't stop, thus making it rape if the girl wants to quit :/

    • We did talk about it beforehand. Sex wasn't an option for me and he knew that. I told him only oral sex.

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