My boyfriend makes me feel bad for wanting sex. How do I handle this?

[Ams42]

My boyfriend and I have been together for quite some time but lately he doesn't seem to want sex. The last week he told me that I'm always horny in a rude tone. And today he told me that sex is all that I care about. And when I asked him if he really meant that he said that its one of my main priorities. It makes me feel like trash that he thinks and says these things. I don't know what to do but it's normal for a 20 year old to want sex on a regular basis. So I'm not sure what the big deal is. Plus we never go on dates because he doesn't have money. Which not going anywhere isn't a big deal to me. I mean it gets boring sometimes but I enjoy cuddling and watching movies. I just don't want him to make me feel bad for wanting sex. I want this relationship to wrong but I can't have him making me feel this way over sex.

[OlderAndWiser]

I'm 60 years old and I still want sex on a regular basis, so there is nothing wrong with your desires. Tell your boyfriend that the lack of frequent sex is a problem for you and ask him what he thinks you should do about it. . . and "just don't think about it" is not an option.

[TheGeorge]

Has it become a routine and he is not enjoying it anymore? Do you always demand that one position that's best for you without asking for his wants? Does he watch a lot of porn lately?

[Ams42]

No I don't think it's a routine. We started having sex a few months ago and recently he said it's been really amazing. So I don't know what happened between then and now where he wants to make me feel bad for wanting it. I thought he would want it too. And no we don't always do same position. As for the porn. I have no idea. He say he doesn't masturbate often but I don't know if I believe that. Lol.

[TheGeorge]

OK, I'm kinda clueless myself. Did he make you come yet? It's quite personal and you don't even have to answer of course, but if he didn't maybe he's kinda frustrated about that? I know for sure that it was driving me crazy when I couldn't make my girl get an orgasm in the beginning. If that could be a possibility maybe talk about it with him. If that is also not an issue I have honestly no idea. It seems strange to begin with.

[Ams42]

Actually no he hasn't... Like its good but I never reach it. I've never told him that I haven't orgasmed because I don't want to upset him. I've asked him to go down on me a few times because I think it might help but he always says we'll try it next time or that the last time he did it went terribly bad. I think my issue is that I need clit simulation. I don't how to work that into our sex. But I don't think he knows if I have cum or not because he been with one girl aside from me. But I don't know what to do about any of this really. I don't deserve to be treated like that... And I won't put up with it for too long because it makes me feel like a slut for wanting sex and it's not like we see each other everyday so I don't understand whats the big deal.

[TheGeorge]

OK, thanks for being so blunt about it haha :) It's a possibility that he feels insecure about his performance in bed. A lot of men do. We feel a lot of pressure about that. But I wouldn't jump to conclusions either. In my case I'd want to try everything possible to make it work and have sex more often rather than less. I don't know why he wouldn't go down on you and try that. So either he just gave up on the thought or he feels intimidated by your constant nagging. It still doesn't sound right to me. Could be something else entirely. Best to talk with him about it, though it somewhat sounds as if you don't value the relationship so much anyway. Ah and one last thing, don't assume guys don't know whether you came or not. They do unless you faked it really good.

[Ams42]

I really do value the relationship but I just deserve to be treat with respect. And I've only asked 3 times for oral sex which I don't think is nagging but you never know what he's thinking I guess. As for the faking it I have no idea but he doesn't act odd after sex. I think he would say something if he thought I wasn't reaching an orgasm or at least I hope he would...

[TheGeorge]

Nah I meant more like the constant nagging about having sex, and how sex is so important for you. If he really knows you didn't climax and he also knows how important sex is for you and the relationship, then he must be kinda frustrated. But still, I don't think his reaction could be considered rational. So I really don't know. I'd definitely try to communicate about it though. And try to be sensitive so he doesn't feel worse in case that was the issue. Hope it turns out well, best of luck ;)

[Ams42]

Thanks for all your help. It's greatly appreciated. :)

[Anonymous]

He's basically taking out his own insecurities out on you and making you feel bad about something you have no need to. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.

[AustinMan]

Get to a really good couple's counselor.

[BloncGryphous]

You are right, you can't have a partner that treats you like that. If he is treating you like shit, no matter the reason, it is time for you to move on and don't look back. Find someone that you are compatible with in ALL aspects.

[Bimbobambo]

Lol such an idiot.. most of the guys dont know this but thats how you get a cheating girlfriend.. yes you heared right guys! Its not only her fault if she cheats, of course she could just break up so its her fault to 90% but being like this gives the boy the other 10% and the title "the cause of this problem". Just dump him girl, seems to be over.

[mikemx55]

Since nobody mentioned it. There is a remote option that he has something going on downthere, and doesn't want you to find out. Wound left by rough masturbation or somthing like that..

Seems really odd, someone that age refusing free sex. Ask him if it was something that you did. If it wasn't, he should feel guilty that you think you are guilty because of him.
Hope that last bit wasn't confusing...

[TheGeorge]

Yep that's true. I was assuming they still had sex, just not as much. Could be right.

[Mesonfielde]

Well it depends on how often that "always" is, I can see why it'd get annoying *every single time* but like 2-3 times a week is totally reasonable with some skips inbetween. Otherwise, he might just not be as much into you as you are into him, which is a shame..

[Anonymous]

Call him a fag. Only a fag wouldn't want to be having sex on a regular basis at 20.