Sexual Relationships
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Why won't my brother hug me?

A few days ago I was (violently) raped and after I just curled up in the fetal postion in my house for about 20 hours. I then called my brother, told me about what happened and asked if I could stay with him (I couldn't stand to be alone). He took me to his appartment, dressed my wounds and at first seemed so tender and caring. He brought me a blanket, some warm tea and played soothing music and told me he'd be there for me. But when I tried to hug him, he slipped away and just said "I think that's a bad idea." Later, he was watching TV and I just tried to hold his hand and he again slipped it away and scooted away. He never had issues with hugging me before but now he's treating me like I have the plague. I can't eat, I can't sleep and I'm just feeling worse and worse. I feel cold and afraid and I want to feel warm and safe in his arms. Why won't he even give me a hug now that I need one? WHY? I? I? I? I
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Most Helpful Guys

  • He is scared about what happened to you. Looking at you scares him. He simply doesn't know how to handle those emotions right now. He looks at you as someone who has been victimized, hurt and damaged. He thinks he will further hurt you by hugging you. He has also been traumatized by this, so don't hold it against him too harshly. Hugging and holding hands is a line he is not ready to cross yet. Just try talking to him for now to help restore some normalcy.

  • Have you been to an ER and the police? Is not, why the heck not? You need to do those things and then find a good therapist who specializes in treating rape victims.

Most Helpful Girls

  • First of all, I'm so sorry for what happened to you. Nobody deserves that, you ARE a SURVIVOR. I hope you can recover mentally from this, I know you will you come off as a strong lady. As for your question, you're his sister and this affects him too, I don't think he knows how to react. He probably doesn't know how to approach you but he's there for you so cherish your moments together. You are strong.

    • Thanks, but I told him how I felt and he would give me long tight hugs when I was getting upset.

  • Maybe he's concerned that you're going to develop an unhealthy attachment to him, he might be trying to keep you safe by keeping a slight difference. Have you explained to him how you feel?

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 4

  • He doesn't want to coddle you-- which is a pretty smart thing to do, actually.
    Just tell/ask him for the hug.
    You were raped and you know your feeling better than he knows yours.

  • Well I mean maybe don't make to big of a deal out of it. Freedom is a state of mind.

  • honestly that's very weird to hold hands with your brother and not nothing you should be doing if you are older than 11 (i don't mean that as a joke i mean it literally). the hugs should only be like when u greet.

    • Why, if you're sister was afraid/traumatized you wouldn't hold her to make her feel safe?

    • yes but i wouldn't hold her hand. i honestly think that is a little mean ande messed up to react the way he is reacting tho

  • He was your big brother right

    • No he is not

    • OK in his mind he just epically failed to protect you and now he has no idea how to make it all better

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