My boyfriend may have a porn addiction, mixed with Chronic Masturbation?

[Anonymous]

I recently found out that my boyfriend (of 3yrs) is obsessed with Erotica. He will read stories on some disturbing shit and then proceed to masturbate to it. I don't know what to do anymore. I tried to show intrest in his fantasies, I just can't bring myself to talk about it every single time we have sex. I feel like he doesn't love me anymore. He constantly does things I feel purposely to make me feel bad about myself. I cry everyday, The reason is because, he was reading these stories AND watching porn whenever he could , as he put it "bored" which was quite often. At work, at his house before work (leaving me sleeping, alone to do this), before seeing me, while I was sleeping, as I was talking to him via text as I was told he was doing other things. So many times A DAY he did this. NOW, I didn't know any of this so I tried tell him when I masturbated so maybe he'd want to do it with me or at least show any interest in me while I did it at all. Nope, he could care less if I did it, he shows no interest at all. Because, I've probably turned him on and he's too busy reason or watching porn, jerking off & ignoring me. That's how it usually goes. For instance, Every Fri , Sat & Sun he sleeps at his house. I told him "3 days without cumming I want to see how much will come out" he got mad "nope no way can I go 3 days you mean like 2 nights 3 days" so I know he's still jerking off. I'm mad because he knows it would turn me on. We've done video chats so why hide your masturbation from me? Even during video chat he hides it. He doesn't jerk off, just sits there basically. Once I got him too, but I think it's because he was reading something bc he wasn't talking to me during the time. He keeps pushing me away telling me he's tired from work and if I don't like it find a new man when I want to have sex. But, he'll make sure he gets his dick sucked before going to bed on me. Why? Why does he hide it from me, why is he so mean?

[matheus_mb]

Addiction makes people do bad things. He is clearly addicted, he doesn't wanna stop it. It's up to him to see that he's addicted and seek help. If this is making you get sad, well, time to think if it pays to continue this relationship. When the "victim" doesn't want help, you're not forced to continue with him like this.

[Asker]

But, before I knew he was fine w our sex life and me in general while still doing that shit behind my back. I think it's bc he hates that I know& is too much of a coward to just break up w me.

[matheus_mb]

Probably he got addicted after your relationship started. At some point he started thinking that it was better than your sex life and this is when the real problem started.

[Asker]

But, I spoke with him about it and he said & I quote " I read and watch porn because all my exes DID it WITH me. " ok... So why can't I be apart of it?

[matheus_mb]

It seems he's trying to find excuses.

[Asker]

That's what I think, but excuses for...

[matheus_mb]

For him being addicted among other things you said he does, he doesn't want to admit it.

[Asker]

I just don't understand why he can't admit it. I mean come on I can see it with my own 2 eyes. We share the same PC with the same Google account. Can't hide much , but lately he has been some how and it's making him totally on edge towards me with everything I say.

[matheus_mb]

I agree it's pointless not to admit it since you can see everything, but it's what it seems he's doing. Admitting addiction can be difficult for the addicted, principally when he doesn't wanna recognise that he's wrong.

[Asker]

Yeah; he hates when he's wrong. I've tried to get him to go to couples counceling with me but he just doesn't wanna hear it. He gets really mad and defensive. It's become so as between us that I can't even text him while he's at work now all of a sudden bc he gets mad and starts fighting with me shit he's never done before or said to me "I'm at work wtf don't you understand about that" basically in my eyes he's telling me to go away. He wants to be single at work, or he's busy with his porn prob at work now so I can't see it... So he guilt pushes me away from him. We go out for dinner he doesn't talk to me, we'll be in the car radio off still no conversation. It's killing me.

[matheus_mb]

I imagine how hard it must be. I think that if you can't stand it anymore and if he doesn't want to change, you shouldn't continue with this pain. It's better for you to follow separate paths.

[MadeInAmerica]

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It's time to say goodbye.

[Asker]

Before I knew (3 years) he was FINE w our sex life & us in general.

[ThisDudeHere]

This is totally not worth it.

[theguyisback]

That's like.., every guy lol

[Asker]

Really?

[theguyisback]

A vast majority.. And not to justify it, but a lot of these kids stumble upon these things on accident, or they saw someone else looking at it.. That, mixed with the natural self discovery of masturbation-- is a deadly combo that is VERY hard to kick once you're addicted. It's powerful like a hardcore drug. Though it's not like a drug that you get talked into doing, but there's this natural curiosity in list that captures and incarcerates.. And once the damage is done in the beginning, it's almost impossible to repair.

[theguyisback]

Lust** not list

[Asker]

I've noticed. It's slowly killing me because he's always on edge and defensive towards me now like I'm in the wrong or something. Like I've hurt him (which I didn't bc he knew I'd find out eventually sharing the same damn google account) it's just so hard now. He doesn't talk to me the same, act the same, talk the same, walk with me the same, he's not him anymore. He'd rather sit down at a restaurant and not say 1 word to be except "what's wrong with you" when I didn't do or say anything not even make a face... But something's wrong with me? What's wrong w me is the fact that my boyfriend is now a complete stranger bc he's to afraid to admit he watches porn and masturbates like a normal human being.

[SlaveJ]

Look up 'chastity cage' on google. Then lock him in it and keep the jey until you get what you want/need.

[Asker]

I told him one day I wanted to lock him in one of those. He had a FIT , even when I was just playing around he got MAD. Like , fuming mad to the point we left the store and I wasn't able to get what we came in for. What I don't get is, why can't I be involved in that world if he's so into it?

[SlaveJ]

This just sounds bad. You really should retink your relationship.

[Asker]

I know. It's just so depressing and hard on me.