Completely leaves me hanging during sex.. Help?

[lovenonstop]

When me and my boyfriend have sex he completely leaves me hanging after he is done. He gets up, wipes himself off and continues whatever we were doing before we started having sex. He has finished me off a few times but I had to give him hints that I was still horny and wanted to get off myself. One time I did get to cum first and joking around I said "We are even from last night." And he replies with "You could have asked to get off." Why do I have to ask? Isn't it common sense that your partner wants to get off as well? Someone please help me becauseI have no idea what to do.

[Empiric]

Ah the "you should have asked problem", yes some people do have this response, and it's not just guys either (I had this for quite a long time, so I feel your pain). The best thing to do is institute the change on a few levels.

Firstly, tell him you want fair treatment and do not consider sex to be finished except once you've both gotten off (use your words not mine, this is a bit on the harsh side).
Then, when he inevitably forgets (like the 2nd or 3rd time, I'd say) politely (or otherwise) remind him and ask. Be vocal and point out your previous statement.
Reward not having to ask with positive reinforcement, I leave it to you to decide.

Why do you have to do this? Well, some people's brains rather seem to turn off when sex is involved, so you have to change them at a deeper level than just the basic logical one. As to why he is like this, any manner of reasons, maybe he doesn't care, maybe he just always assumed sex was enough. This is why sex ed is so important, it's not that much common knowledge.

[SmoMan]

Wow... he sounds like a total egocentric asshole from what you said there. I usually take it as my responsibility to get my partner off at least once before I get mine. If he refuses to even work with you on it you may be better off finding a less selfish guy.

[katiesmuff]

I can't say I'd think very much of a boyfriend such as you have. Seems like a very selfish guy with only one thing on his mind (Taking care of himself) and I'd bet that selfishness goes beyond his poor bedroom performances.
Your young with a lot of life in front of you. Think long and hard about how he treats you now, then add 10 years or so after the boredom really moves in and ask yourself how happy your life would be.
My advice is put him on notice that you are not exclusive and that you are going to see what else life has to offer. Might be the wake up call he needs or he might just tell you to fuck off which either scenario is good for you.

[ThisGurl]

Well I can tell you that my boyfriend gets off more than I do. He likes to get me off, he will tell me he wants to use his mouth, or he just does it.

and you know he even tells me to ask him if I want him to, because it does make more sense that the "guy" gets off more, especially if the girl does not cum during intercourse. I can get off from him being inside me sometimes, and him pleasuring me. :)

Communication... <3 Does he ever show that he wants to? or show interest?

[lovenonstop]

If I never hinted to him then im positive I would have never finished. He goes down and pleasures me while we are doing foreplay. I feel like if I have to ask then he just doesn't want to do it but does because I asked. I would think if they really wanted too they would do it automatically without you saying anything to them.

[ThisGurl]

You know what you need to do right? ^_^ You need ask him why you have to ask all the time for you to feel nice, because when you ask all the time, it feels as if h never wants to. You need to figure out what is in his head. :)

[lovenonstop]

Thank you for your help (: I will have a talk with him, I didn't know what to do because we started dating not even two months ago and I didn't want to start telling him that I was unhappy with things he does already.

[ThisGurl]

That explains more. :) A new relationship. Errrr yah I can understand how you feel. :) You could most likely say something like... "I feel (blah blah blah insert feelings here), but I didn't want to tell you how I felt at first because I was afraid of pushing you away" Yah just be honest. :)

[ThisGurl]

also... you are welcome. xx :)

[lovenonstop]

Yess lol I was like if this is happening in the beginning of the relationship what will happen later down in the road. But thank you, I will talk to him and see what happens (:

[Kiwedin]

I hate that! It's so selfish I find lmao. I had to sit my boyfriend down and be like "Dude, I have needs too and I'm sick of not having them acknowledged, blah blah" and he understood. No guy wants his girl to be unsatisfied, but I think they can forget that we want sex as much as they do or something along those lines lol. Just talk to him.

[Hskabdvna]

No I think the biggest difference is that guys can get off quickly girls usually take a lot longer regardless of skill. So its probably the fact that the guy is not bothered or it could be that a lot of guys assume woman are OK with it. If a lot more women demanded it there wouldn't be a problem.

[Kiwedin]

Yeah, he just assumed I was okay with not having an orgasm haha. That's why communication is so important.

[ShaunaM95]

Ugh I had this same problem with my ex. I basically had to make him spend even longer at foreplay on me so that I'd be able to get off once he was inside me lol.

[broadsword]

I hate that some guys are selfish lovers like this. It gives the rest of us a bad reputation. More to the point they just don't get if you look after your woman sexually she will only want to allergen better care of you.

[SolitaireBond]

Jolly well tell him that you do not like being left "High & Dry", and that until he understands this, and starts showing some respect then.. Sex Is Off The Menu.

[madhatters4]

i think you need to have a conversation with him when you aren't having sex

explain to him that sex is about mutual pleasure and you are being left unsatisfied when he bails after he climaxes

[teawrecks]

He sounds selfish as fuck

[Blonde401]

He's selfish and doesn't care about you or your pleasure at all. He sounds like an ass! Tell him you need more, talk to him about it. But if he won't change, you honestly deserve better.

[async]

Sounds pretty self centered. I ALWAYS make sure my girl gets hers before me, it only takes me a few mins to finish so it seems natural to focus on her until she is satisfied. He sounds kinda dickish.

[Suhmer]

@async haha to be honest I don't think she asked what other guys do... She wants to know how to change her man ;) Don't mean to be patronizing I just thought it was funny that guys used this question as an excuse to say they're better than another man rather than actually help her hahaha

[async]

@Suhmer what I'm saying is, there are plenty of other mindful guys out there should she realize this one is a dud. It's extremely difficult to change a person, to try and force them to be more thoughtful of their spouse if their personality doesn't include that. Likely more work than will pay off. I could care less how others view me, I was just using myself as an example.

[Suhmer]

@async oh I completely agree with that, you can't change someone. Her relationship sounded doomed when I read the description, there obviously isn't much regard for her where he comes from, and you can't teach him to suddenly care about something he doesn't. If he didn't care then he won't care now, he'll just feel obligated to do it, which will make sex seem like a chore for him...

[async]

@Suhmer you got it, exactly. If the relationship doesn't work out, there are plenty of other fish in the sea that would be happy to make her feel good. You can't change people unfortunately, this much I have learned.

[usernameisnttaken]

Wow... what a dick

[Attractive_Guy]

That's so badass I'm jealous.

[VOUSA]

Annnnnndddddddd how and why is he still your bf?

[Conscience_for_sale]

That's a bit selfish of him. But if you must prolong the foreplay. Girls cum sometimes during foreplay

[gobsmacked3]

just tell him straight he needs to be less selfish and start to look after your needs- 'woman up'

[Georgenapil]

I think his principle is that girl should tell him what she wants, try to talk to him and solve it by telling him what u want.

[dudebro33]

If you actually care for the other person's feelings, you help them get off. Its common decency. So, its his fault, not yours

[JayEspe]

Have this conversation with HIM.

[Anonymous]

I always make sure she cums first then I cum right after, he is just being totally selfish and dosent care about your pleasure