Sexual Relationships
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My boyfriend can't stay hard?

My boyfriend can't stay hard during sex unless I'm constantly taking breaks to give him head. I usually love giving him head but it's frustrating now because I feel like I'm spending so much time trying to please him and it's not working. We can never actually finish having sex because he only lasts 2-3 minutes hard. He's only ever made me climax by eating me out, It would be nice to experience that while he's inside me too. This makes me feel really bad about myself, almost like he doesn't find me attractive. What's the deal? How can I let him know this bothers me without crushing his self esteem?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Several posibilities:
    1. Amount of wetness - If it's not enough, the friction starts feeling annoying rather than good and sometimes even hurts. Try using lube. If you're getting too wet, it could have the opposite result, reducing friction too much, to the point where he can't feel you very well. In this case, no clue what solution to recommend.
    2. Condoms - are you using them? If so, switch them up, try thinner ones. If still not good enough, try getting tested for STDs and other forms of birth control. Condoms can severely reduce pleasure for me, since there is very little if any, friction between the material touching the penis. In this case the condom, since it doesn't really move. If that material were your vagina, that'd be better.
    3. Too many ejaculations - this can hinder the ability to become hard to stay hard.
    4. Crap diet - maybe he's not getting enough nutrition and vitamins?

    If I were you, I'd start by testing 1 and 3, since those are easiest and fastest to evaluate and then test.

  • Skimmed through the answers. Going to try to not double post solutions here.

    The drugs issue is worth considering. You should also get him to exercise and be healthier. You might as well tag along if applicable.

    Aside from that viagra or similar is a short term solution (do not overuse). A long term solution that has not yet been listed might be kegel exercises. Often overlooked solution to handle these issues with. Look it up. It is basically like putting his genitalia on a treadmill and getting it fit.

Most Helpful Girls

  • And for me it's just the opposite, my boyfriend lasts too long. He's gone soft during sex sometimes, but it's not a constant thing. My boyfriend lasts anywhere to 25-45 mins and I've probably came at least 3 times. I have to constantly hold it in or make sure we climax at the same time so I won't be a dead fish for the rest of the sex, but once I come that last time, that's it for me. I pass out lol. Your boyfriend has a problem. He needs to make sure he's on top of it now before it gets worse. No, it's not you. Does he smoke? Drink?

    • He smokes weed occasionally

    • Smoking weed could be the culprit, but he needs to make sure he doesn't have an underlying medical issue. For now, just be honest and compassionate. Tell him that you love and care for him and that he needs to get checked because you both deserve to have good sex.

    • Thank you so much

  • How long have you been together? I had this EXACT problem with my boyfriend, I even posted a question similar to this! Thought it was me, wasn't good looking enough, didn't sexually appeal to him and the lot. Turns out it was just nerves and now we're happier than ever. Took about 9 weeks to get over it but I was patient and it's the best thing ever. Hope you can sort it!

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 9

  • Are you expecting a porn? Average lasting time for men is 2 between 2-5 minutes. This isn't porn that he will naturally last for half an hour. For me, i make the foreplay first like 10-15 minutes and once i feel she is close to having an orgasm, i just pass onto the intercourse which actually makes the girl's climax when i am inside. It mostly works but not for every girl of course. You two can try this

    • We do include foreplay, that's not the issue. The issue is him staying hard during intercourse. Obviously if he cums he'll be done, but it's not that he cums, he just gets soft while we're having sex and I'll have to stop and give him head for a few minutes in order for him to get hard again. It's like a cycle, he's never came through intercourse

  • He can exercise the muscle, use viagra or a cock-ring.

  • I don't think it's your fault. I bet vaginal sex doesn't mentally excite him much or the simulation he feels doesn't feel great. Some guys prefer oral sex more than sex.

  • Sounds like he has an issue. Maybe low testosterone, maybe he jerks off to porn too much, maybe he's in the closet? Won't know till you ask. Just be up front. Next time it happens just stop and ask him what's going on. If he blows it off or won't get some help for it then dump him. Move on. You should enjoy it too.

  • Either he's drinking too much, has a medical problem or needs Viagara. Lol... if you're nearby I could always help satisfy you!

  • Try changing positions. Maybe lay on your side legs together... increase friction. The problem may be that he/you don't 'fit' together. You may be to wet he may be to small, the list goes on and on. Just try some different positions.

  • he needs a break from masturbation sex all of the above, can you hold yourself back for a week

  • I think she is bored of you like me

  • That's bad luck :(

  • To be honest loads of girls only cum through oral, that's nothing new. Sometimes you can lose it while switching positions, so maybe spend longer in each position, if that's not why he's going soft then I don't know.

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