Sexual Relationships
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Guys often lose their erections with me... Help?

I'm a boner-killer :( First, I know I'm not unattractive. Not super hot either. I guess I'm above average for my age and my body looks much younger. I got a super horny and hot boyfriend. We have great chemistry, but as he wasn't used to condoms he lost his erection the first time and during last week. Now I'm finally on the pill and he's still having troubles to keep it up. I think it's mostly the failure due to condom that is haunting him, but now I'm wondering if there's anything I should do... He has an alpha male vibe, so I'm extra concerned about what the heck am I doing with this guy and if he's gonna leave me because I'm triggering insecurities in him... I think I did more stuff that may have contributed to his loss of erections... Some further reasons below: 1. I have a very high libido, very horny most of the times, I have lots of fantasies and enthusiasm for sex. I think I scare guys because some are afraid they can keep up with me. Including current boyfriend. Though is libido is quite similar to mine. 2 Sometimes I'm aggressive during sex 3 I have lots of sex toys 4 Although I'm not into casual sex now, I don't hide I had a short but intense slut phase a while ago after a bad break-up. I had never done that before nor do I think I'd do it again in the future... I told him about that 5 I guess I talk too much about these past experiences since they're not a taboo for me... he gets turned off for knowing other guys did certain things to/with me, but he still asks... (bf is not a saint, had many girls as well, though not that many, but he was a cheater) 6 I told him that most of these experiences were bad 7 boyfriend knows I had bigger dicks than his, but I've reassured him that big dicks are worse because they hurt. 8 I told him that once I had an ex that had a very low libido and was always turning me down, and that was one of the reasons why we broke up What can I do to get things to flow again? He is the sexiest guy I've had so far and the few times we did have sex were awesome :(
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Most Helpful Girls

  • I know you won't exactly like taking advice from a 19 year old, but maybe engaging in oral sex? I think your current partner may be afraid you won't enjoy it because he thinks you have certain 'expectations' which I understand what you mean when you say fantasies. But maybe wait a while before bringing it up again. Ourselves as females can handle a few times of getting nothing that we want during intercourse haha but letting our man do what he is comfortable with may be a bit better for the first times. Also if he goes down on you, moan a lot to let him know he is doing good, talk to him to give him confidence like "you're so good" "you're the best" and compliment his body, mostly his penis by saying its big. He would know that you have had other men so saying these things will make him feel like he can pleasure you better than those men

  • Why is he accustomed to unprotected sex? Weirdly important missing detail.

    If he is accustomed to sex without a condom, then the smart money says there's 90 percent of the reason, right there.
    Just about every guy I know says "nope, can't go back." Can't. Once bareback becomes the norm, a condom is apparently about as appealing as a lidocaine injection.

    The other 10 percent is just randomness. Does YOUR body always perform at peak levels? Didn't think so.

    If your bf's alpha swag is not bullshit, then your reasons #1 through #8 are worth 0.000000 percent each.

  • Words can really boost a guy's confidence - just tell him "I love being with you and having sex. I don't want there to be any pressure or a goal on either of us "finishing," okay? So let's just relax and enjoy this experience together." Feel free to use whatever words would feel yours, but just set a calm, loving mood and send some complements his way... then give it some time. :) Best wishes!

Most Helpful Guys

  • Dating drug/alcohol addicts?
    Dating guys that "get it" lots prior to seeing you?
    Old guys?
    How does your mirror image compare to photos of gals that get them hard?
    OK out of guesses now blind advice:
    Behind closed doors, NO talk about OTHERS, only you two are present... open the door, go outside forget sex if others are to be included, even in conversation, history.
    ONLY serve up complements in a sincere way... size NEVER trumps FIT and EMPLOYMENT toward lust satisfaction
    Some gals love bald, others hair whatever he has, find what YOU love about him/it
    Olympics stars are coached to get themselves out of way, from tripping themselves up on the way to gold - also trained to HAVE FUN with the event... you two do the same, OK?

  • if this is a narcissistic alpha guy, you being aggressive is not good because it hurts his ego because he views that he needs to dominate everyone and not be dominated. i think you need a guy that is less alpha then. anyway, you dont want to date a person with narcissism, he will just end up abusing you and breaking your heart

    • it's interesting that you mentioned narcissism. can i ask why? because he's a bit of narcissistic indeed...

    • because men who identify as alphas tend to have narcissistic personalities, such as a superiority complex, insensitive to other people's feelings, need to dominate others, controlling etc. There are definitely red flags here, i would just be cautious and if he starts to treat you wrong you should leave, you don't want to be stuck with a person with NPD they will drain you of your happiness

    • good advice! so far so goodd.. but 'll keep na eye on that...:/

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

3 9

  • I suggest you take off some of the pressure on yourself and on him. Start slow with not expectations of intercourse. Just see ho much you can turn each other on. Are you kinky?

    • Let me know how that works out. I'm betting it makes all the difference.

  • I think maybe you should be less aggressive, let him lead, be comforting, understanding and nurturing to his ego. Offer to go down on hm to help get it back. And STOP talking about prior sex relationships.

  • You share too much, No guy wants to know about your past... even if their stupid enough to ask. That would be a turn-off for me, guys are visual creatures ( I. E. picture what you're saying).

    How soft are we talking about, it is normally to lose a little stiffness? Have him pop a viagra.

  • LOL you should dump him and call me! I have an abnormally hi libido and can stay rock hard for hours. M

  • Hm the hell o. o
    maybe try new stuff? Maybe wait til he only asks for it and sees if he keeps it? Sounds unfair but just try it to see

  • Sounds like it's one guy, not "guys".

    Probably there's something psychological and probably temporary.

    - get him a few blue pills (under prescription obviously) to see you through the period
    - once he's had sex a few times without losing his pardon, the problem will probably disappear.

    Of, and you could try some sexy things like having s shower together, trimming/shaving your pubes or whatever you think might turn him on.

    • do you think that it may be that he know my past and so on? should i approach the topic or just ignore?

    • No no no no no! Do not talk about your past! Ever. This is a number one rule of relationships: they are about you and him, not anyone else. Be loving and understanding about his (almost certainly) temporary problem. I had this problem once: my girlfriend got me hard again a couple of times with oral sex and we never looked back.

  • Could be medical issues not related to you at all.

  • Dude. You are never going to panic a boner into existence. ED is becoming commonplace. Relax, take a deep breath, have the kind of sex you can have and before you know it, he'll make an appearance.

    Way too much pressure. And before you say 'I don't tell him how much this is bugging me' trust me, he knows.

    • Oh and for future reference. 'A bigger dick' sounds way better than 'bigger dicks'

    • Don't you love the word "reassure" in #7? LMMFAOomg. Some reassurance, there.

  • Hearing your girlfriend was major slut is a major turn off

  • Post some videos of you having sex to this thread and we will critique it for you.

  • Don't talk about your past sexual experiences. Ever.

  • It's mostly in his mind, he needs to relax somehow or watch some porn maybe

    • should i approach the topic or just ignore?

    • You should discuss it but in a nice way, our arrousal is in our minds mostly so something is blocking him

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