Can you control who you're attracted to?

Do you think you can control the type of people you're attracted to? Saw a question about pedophilia yesterday and this got me thinking. If we can't control who we're attracted to, why are we so harsh on pedophiles? Why don't we help them with this issue instead of wishing them the worse? To clarify, I'm completely against pedophilia, I'm disgusted about it, but if there's nothing we can do to control who we're attracted to, if we can't force ourselves to be attracted to "this" instead of "that", shouldn't we treat pedophiles in a different way? Note: The poll is to answer the question from the title.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I have determined that I cannot really change who I am attracted to. I tend to meet them, find traits and personality stuff I like, and then grow an attraction over time. I can't really help who I become attracted to or not,

    However, I have also figured out that it is indeed possible to force attraction to crushes to disseapear over time. It takes dedication and you have to want it to go away though. Like for me personally, I had to force away attraction to a girl whon I learned had a boyfriend (after I already developed a crush).

    That being said... In regards to the pedophila blurb, here's my take:
    Yes-- pedophiles can't necessarily help their attraction to children. However, whether or not they become attracted to a kid or whatnot, they can force away the attraction. However, they have to want it to go away and they have tl stop contact with the person.
    Basically, I'm saying there is a difference between feeling attraction and acting upon it. Acting upon something or choosing to let go is entirely based upon free will and choices.

  • You can control it to some degree. Attraction is natural and just happens. But it's not that hard to ignore it, or block it. As an example if I find myself attracted to someone who is not available, or they are online and on the other side of the world, the attraction only gets to a point and doesn't go beyond that. Like there's a part of me that knows it won't work (or highly unlikely), and the feelings just don't go anywhere.

    It's like the possibility that it could actually happen, heightens the attraction dramatically. If it can't happen, the attraction doesn't take that extra leap.

    When it comes to something like pedophilia, I think it's something that can be suppressed, but once the line is crossed and acted upon, it's much harder to suppress in the future. I think it's like a drug or any other thing that draws us, but we know is unhealthy to act upon. Just don't cross the line in the first place, either through actions or thoughts.

Most Helpful Girls

  • no i think u can, not completely, but you can. if you have a conscience then it's possible

    with a pedophile, let's say they have that initial attraction to children. let's say it's a legit problem like u said. the REAL issue lies in a pedophile seeking out ways to let their attraction grow. porn, kidnapping, bribing kids into sex, etc etc, are ways of pushing the conscience aside. once they get what they want, I'm 100% sure guilt starts to creep up on them, so get rid of that, they do it again. it's a vicious cycle.

    i'd never really justify such filthy behaviour from humans. we have brains, but a lot of us don't use em. it's like anyone really. don't wanna be a sex addict? don't let it run your life. don't wanna end up in debt? control your spending.

  • I can control myself of course. If I find a person interesting but he doesn't share anything back or he is taken etc etc I control myself to not get too deep which eventually makes me indifferent of him. I usually only start developing something when I know the guy likes me back.
    bottom line, the pedo might find children attractive but they can restrain themselves, learn not to develop those feelings and orient it to smthng else.
    P. S this attraction is you usually a reaction to something that happened to them in their lives. Therefore I think it can be controlled if we know the source of it.
    It is like a trauma.

  • Hell no.
    It. Just. Happens.

    As for pedophiles, I sometimes kind of feel bad for some of them for this very reason, they can't control who they're attracted to... However they CAN control if they act upon it or nah. Not all pedophiles are child molesters, some of them have never touched a child sexually and never will, and they truly wish they would be normal and wouldn't have such disgusting desires. Obviously the ones who do act on it are super fucked up human beings, and they completely ruin the reputation for the rest of them as well. Sad really.

    • oh boy... fuck this this is how gay accepting started... and very soon we will have pedophile parades and be "accepting"

    • @altair212 Don't be ridiculous. Homosexuality doesn't harm anyone.

    • That's not the mindset we had before

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What Girls & Guys Said

11 21
  • I can get myself to like someone if I keep thinking it in most situations, but once it sets off I won't be able to get out of it, I've now liked a guy for two and a half years

  • I chose B, but at the end of the day, pedophiles are after children, right? So screw all of that "OMG lets try to help them" BS.

    Naw fuck that, we should do the world and the children in it a favor via killing them on SIGHT. Since I'm sure that we've all seen the trauma they can cause when they decide to put their hands on somebody's child. right?

    blog.chron.com/.../the-governor-kill-them-all.gif

  • We can't help who we're attracted to but we can stop ourselves from acting upon these feelings.

  • I thought that's impossible but some people apparently can do it. Lucky them.

    I can't, I simply can't, even if I know it's wrong, I keep falling for players. The worst is that I don't know it and at the end it's all the same.

  • Even if they are often seen together, there is a difference between pedophilia and a child molester. Pedophilia is a mental illness. Child molesters act on it. You can't choose who you're attracted to, however you can choose your actions.

  • Attraction comes from brain and not from muscular organ which pumps blood,
    So yes we can control who we are attracted to ✔
    Let's imagine women/ men with high standards, primarily they may be attracted to someone who don't fit their standards, but they limit and suppress circle of people they are attracted to.
    We can definitely control type of people we are attracted to, our brain does it everytime on subconscious on conscious level.

  • In a way, pedophilia is a mental illness if there was proper help for mentally ill people they could get the help they need. anyway, like I used to like certain guys, with certain characteristics and physical traits. those guys weren't weren't working out for me so I learned to be attracted other types of men. The brain is more powerful than people think, so is personal restraint and willpower.

  • It's actually been proven that pedophilia is a psychiatric disorder. Yes those who act out on their desires should be punished, but those who don't and genuinely want help should be given that help.

    • So we should lock pedophiles in jail or send them to a psychiatric hospital, like with other people that have committed crimes but proven they had psychological problems?

    • If they're repentant of their crimes or have not committed any crimes and want help, then they should be sent to a psychiatric hospital. Otherwise, prison.

  • No, I don't think you can control who you are attracted to, but it's what you do about it and whether or not you act on it.

  • I don't think so... but you can inform yourself about who he or she is. And by doing that, the moment may come when you change your mind in either direction!

  • Sometimes I can control it, unless the guy is totally hot and irresistible... well, you know who I mean :P
    Pedophiles are just sick people, they are attracted to prepubescent children, that's not normal.
    However, some people are attracted to younger adolescents, but those people are not Pedophiles, they are actually called Hebephiles: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hebephilia
    Some other people are attracted to older adolescents, they are called Ephebophiles: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ephebophilia
    Both Hebephilia and Ephebophilia are legal in lots of countries worldwide (depends on the age of the teens involved in such relationships).

  • Nope, anyone who finds that stuff attractive is a living mistake. I'm enraged to even have the idea of being one even brought up.

    Just imagine your little sister/brother gone missing and you find their corpse in a dumpster. I have seen a lot of pedophile cases in the past like that to even want to care weather they feel sad or not.

    A certain few has been made legal, don't talk about legalizing pedophile freedom. Because their everywhere and someone has to put an end to it.

    A punch in the face if they even call your daughter or son over to them is what they deserve. If a complete stranger just staring at your kid doesn't offend you then you might as well defend them.

    • Oh and you really can't discourage someone from not liking something they already like sadly.

  • No we can't since biological and environmental factors influence our sexual orientation and the things we find sexually attractive. I think that pedophiles need to seek help and medical attention and support from others instead of people seeing them as these vile and disgusting creatures (I'm not saying pedophilia is ethical) but their attraction to little kids is something most likely out of their control.

    • I agree. Like I said, pedophilia is completely wrong, but I doubt they can do much about it without help.

  • What the hell how do you do that? I always like the wrong girls like wtf if I could like anyone I would've gotten a girlfriend a long time ago haha

  • I don't think you can choose you are attracted to but you can control what bad decisions you make because of that attraction. I think you can choose who you fall in love with though.

  • You can't control who you are attracted to, but you can control how you act on it.

  • There are people who can help to who they are attracted to and there are those who don't. I am one of those who have control on who I'm attracted to, and I see this as an advantage.

    Pedophiles should have that resistance to not touch small children, otherwise they will have to go through consequences. If there are pedophiles who can't help to be attracted to kids, and those pedophiles don't attempt to be sexual towards kids, despite that, then I think we shouldn't be as harsh on them. On the other hand, if do touch kids regardless, then they must get in trouble. As a victim of pedophilia, I can't say the opposite.

  • Well i think to some degree you can. Think about when girls are like I'm not physically attracted to you but then the guy has cash and all of a sudden they are attracted to you.

  • Not really. She's either my type or she isn't.

  • No you can't, it just happens.

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