Sexual Relationships
+1 y

My boyfriend doesn't like me swearing or talking dirty?

Ok, so, I'm 22, my boyfriend is 28, and I can't deal with the fact that sometimes he seems to be a 7 year old boy and I'm the friend who curses in front of his mom. I know from before that he doesn't like when I swear when I'm mad and things like that, but now he's also censoring me when it comes to sex. I like dirty talk in bed and he knows me for enough time to know that's not going to change, so sometimes I say things involving fuc*, puss*, dic* IN BED and he stops the intercourse to tell me not to use those words. Same when we are apart for a few days, which we are in the moment because of my job, I can't send him a kinky text because I know he will completely ignore it, as it's happened before. When I ask him why he makes me feel so unwanted or censored, he says it's immature talk. I feel bad and feel like I can't be myself with him.
Updates:
+1 y
One time I sent him a kinky text about masturbation, watching porn etc and asked if he'd thought of my body lately and he just answered "what's this shit?"
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Most Helpful Guys

  • This sounds like it is actually going to be a fairly large problem, possibly one that you two will not be able to overcome.

    There is nothing immature about using profanity. Having a large, diverse array of swear words at your disposal is actually a sign of increased vocabulary in general and a higher level of general intelligence. Not swearing in front of his mother is a pretty reasonable request, but letting yourself go while having sex is kind of the point of having sex...

    And did he really use the word 'shit' to express his displeasure at your use of language? lol, that's pretty hilarious, actually.

    If his intolerance of your vocabulary is so high that he actually stops intercourse to tell you he doesn't like the words you are using while you are getting laid, then he has some issues and I really think this relationship is going to have long term problems. He is telling you that he doesn't like you expressing yourself, he is calling your form of communication immature, even though adults swear a lot more frequently than young children, and by doing so he is essentially saying that his way is right, and your way is wrong. And if he then goes and uses 'shit' to describe your text, he is hypocritical on top of it, and basically telling you 'do as I say, not as I do'. This guy sounds like a total ass, it sounds like he doesn't care to understand where you are coming from, and it sounds like it is going to be a terrible relationship over time. It may be a small thing on the surface, but I think the problems it exposes are really significant.

    • The "cursing in front of his mother" was just a metaphor, haha, like when we are kids and our friends are talking shit in front of our parents and we just want them to stop. I don't curse to much on my day to day life. And yes, he did use the word 'shit', so I guess you do have a point. Sounds more like he's trying to control me.

    • Yes, it sounds like he is trying to control you. He is very clearly making it known that his standards are correct, and your standards are incorrect. Even though you are both equal humans with equal say and deserving of equal consideration. There are a lot of flags here under the surface. I would really be careful with this.

  • Well swearing coming from a woman (in public) does have a a negative effect as unprofessional and seems uneducated. Actually anybody but more so coming from a woman doesn't feel lady like.
    I work in social environment that deals with people and a lady swearing just puts a bad taste in the air. Guys too, but we all know guys are far less properly adapted to adverse situations in dealing with people. I had to let a girl go that was working under me because she had pushed customers away and it effected sales. She was warned and talked to many times about this. I swear too in a limited fashion around family and friends but never at work or a professional setting.
    Far as when you two are alone and having some kinky communication, your boy needs to grow a pair. Age has nothing to do with it. If he cannot handle who you are hard wired to be especially in a sexual connection then this will only cause you two to fade apart.
    Know your environment, I would suggest being a bit more respectful in public and around certain family.

Most Helpful Girls

  • He's a little boy who's scared absolutely shitless by adult female sexuality. I get the feeling he doesn't much like or value women, in general, either.

    Time for an upgrade, girl. Find yrself a MAN. Who'll get those messages and know exactly how to fuck yr dirty little pussy.

    Stop you in the middle of sex?
    Pffff...
    Sure, a real man might stop you in the middle of sex... just to make you beg and beg for more with that dirty mouth of yours. THAT's why a man should stop you in the middle of sex.
    To make you say please... please... I need it, I need you to fuck my slutty little pussy. Hard.

    Dump this rusty old clown.

    TODAY.

    • This is the dumbest shit I've heard. I personally don't like when my girlfriend swears because its not feminine. Plus from the sounds of it seems the @asker swears a lot unnecessarily.

    • That is FUCKING most disgusting thing i have ever read from a female. I am ashamed. "He's a little boy who's scared" - Who the fuck do you think you are bitch. Did you actually say that... did you... god damn the arrogance in women today is unbelievable. "I get the feeling he doesn't much like or value women, in general, either." - he just doesn't want her to use those words... come on girl... is that such a hard thing to compromise on. For fuck sakes... shut your trap dear. "Time for an upgrade, girl. " - OMG, you didn't just tell her that. You must be some kind of troll, what ever happened to talking with your partner and resolving issues... do we just fuck and move on, that's so weak. You women need to catch a serious fucking wake up. "Find yrself a MAN." - oh, you girls say that you don't like alpha males... and now he shows some emotion and he's not a man.

    • "To make you say please... please... I need it, I need you to fuck my slutty little pussy. Hard." - Please stop spreading your toxic rubbish to women because one day men are going to fucking wake up and the genders are going to be at each others throats. "Dump this rusty old clown." - huh, the damn arrogance of this fuck. Get a life women no ones want to hear the rubbish coming out of your mouth

    • Show All

  • New boyfriend time.

    That's exactly how my friend's abusive relationship/marriage started: he told her to stop saying certain words, then moved on to controlling what she should find funny and take joy from, then later became aggressive and violent.

    From your description he doesn't sound like a dandy that's trying to encourage you to be a "proper lady". He sounds like a control freak and I'd get the hell away from him as quickly as possible.

    • A few friends of mine seem to think I'm in an abusive relationship. They can't be sure given they haven't met him because I moved overseas to work and that's when I met him, but from the things I tell them they think it's not 100% healthy. He calls me crazy sometimes when I know I'm not asking anything too invasive (like the other day, he was going to meet a friend he hadn't seen for a long time and I asked where they had decided to meet, mostly to make conversation, and he started asking why did I need to ask that, that's not important etc and it became a huge drama) or one time when I woke up in the afternoon because I went to bed in the morning after reading all night and he sent me message telling me I should have told him the time I was going to bed and that I was gonna wake up later. : If you don't mind sharing a bit more about your friend, I think it could help me.

    • Your examples are setting off alarm bells all over the place. He's being controlling of your behaviour as well as defensive about his own. Shady as fuck, so you should definitely listen to your friends. I personally have no such crazy stories to share. My boyfriend asks where I'm going, I just tell him and vice versa. If I don't reply to his messages, he doesn't shit himself and understands that I'm at work, busy or simply forgot to reply. She was extremely foolish, the guy confessed his "love" to her within a month and proposed after 4 - she was so head over heels, she completely ignored all the small controlling things he started implementing. He told her what she wasn't allowed to say, do, wear, etc. She later left with him for UK and about a year later I found out the extent of the abuse where he literally smashed things in anger, broke her things.

    • She said he forced her to have sex when she had some vaginal infection it really hurt. He shouted abuse, called her a whore multiple times and beat her as well. This girl is very naive and generally broken. Any bit of attention she gobbled up within seconds because she's been treated like shit her whole life. Some guy her husband knew showed her attention and she stupidly gave in and cheated by sleeping with him. Don't condone it for a second and think she's a shitty person for doing that. However, instead of leaving/divorcing her he opted to completely destroy her emotions from the inside by calling her a whore every few minutes, beating her up and he eventually went out to stab that guy she cheated with. The guy lived as he slashed him rather than stab, but her abusive husband ended up in prison for 2 years because if it and then deported without permission to enter the UK for 10 years.

    • Show All

  • well it's just who he is, he doesn't like it, and that's who u are. ideally, this is a very minor issue and u might wanna respect his wishes. just let go of the habit in those moments for him. that's called crushing ur pride. however, if this is something ur so attached to, maybe in this area u just aren't compatible and that could be a problem for the longevity of what u guys have.

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 13

  • Ok, your plight puts me in mind of this video, Stephen Fry on Swearing:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_osQvkeNRM


    It may cheer you up as well. Also, my argument is the same as Mr Fry.

  • If you can't be yourself with him and the way you like to be intimate isn't working for both of you, then it's kinda a bummer and I wouldn't know what to do personally. You can't be yourself period, and so why are you with someone who doesn't appreciate you for what you are? I get it the whole not swearing but sometimes it can be hot.

  • Boyfriend alert!! NEXT!!

  • Break up with him.

    • For what, she can't compromise a little. He might be a genuine guy that loves her and is willing to stand by her through thick and think... come on... suck it up a little

    • "I feel like I can't be myself with him " enough said. @milkyamy

  • Hate to say it girl, but you need to have someone that is going to accept you as you and not try to make you become who they think you should be.

    True love is acceptance for the person that you are, and the person that you become. On the flip side, accepting someone as they are does not mean that you have to accept them in your life.

  • My guy doesn't like when I drop F bombs in conversation. Says it's not very lady like. He doesn't seem to mind my dirty sex/bedroom talk tho.

    • I hate this "lady like" story, sounds a bit sexist to me. I curse sometimes when I'm pissed at something, but I use it specially for sexual conversations, which is just between us, and he shuts me off completely :/

    • @SarahsSummer.. My husband is very much the same.. Although I must admit I don't really like the F word myself.

    • It would be a real buzz kill to be reprimanded during my sexy bedroom talk.

  • Sometimes people are just not compatible.

  • Well, is this really a big deal? I don't like cussing either, and it is immature.

    I do like dirty talk though, but I respect his choice, and perhaps so should you?
    To me this isn't really a big deal. He isn't exactly telling you to be a bad person, or doing something bad. If anything, in his mind, he is trying to make you a better person. And that should count for something.

  • I understand the cussing part but the dirty talk is crazy. Is this guy real?

  • He is the one being immature

  • Yes find someone that you would feel goo with not this... he is immature not you...

  • Just set ground rules. Say this is how I talk, so if you think that's immature, then I talk immaturely

  • I think you have to compromise to make a relationship work. If it's something as easy to change as swearing, maybe try and cut down?

    Some people seem to give a massive shit about 'not changing who they are', but come on, it's not someone asking you to change who you are, it's just asking someone not to swear so much. Couples make compromises for each other all the time.

    Maybe in bed, it's a big turn off for him? If I knew something I was doing in bed was a turn off for my girlfriend, I'd not do it, or at least try not to and I hope she'd do the same for me. I wouldn't think she was trying to change who I was, I'd just be doing something she prefers, and some people just aren't into kinky talk.

    If it really bothers you so much though and compromise isn't an option or maybe he won't compromise either, then maybe he is not the right guy for you? If neither of you are willing to change, you can't do anything else about it.

  • Your boyfriend is a nancy boy

    • What's that?

    • A puss

  • Yeah you need a new boyfriend. I'm really not saying that sarcastically.

    • People find the smallest reasons to break up nowadays, don't they?

    • @ISaidFuryNotFurry Of course.

  • What the?😳 he doesn't like swearing or talking dirty either? Smh👇🏽
    https://i64.tinypic.com/2wm2scj.jpg

  • Sex is about love, not graphic nature, perhaps you should heed his words.

    • https://i64.tinypic.com/2wm2scj.jpg 😂.

    • @MrLi0n Or perhaps I am decent and your animal?

    • You're an animal*.

    • Show All

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