My boyfriend likes to spank my a** with a belt, as punhisment. Is that abuse?

Question

Me (20) and my boyfriend (26) are together for 3 years and i live with him for almost a year.
Everyday when he comes home after work he asks me to go to the bedroom, bend over the bed and wait for him to finish spank me with a belt. He spanks me for like 10 minutes straight. My ass turns so red and sometimes it starts to bleed due to the bruises. Since im so use to it, everyday, i become very tolerate to the pain. I know this might sound awful, but i like it, it turns me on. It's our thing.
He says that it's amazing how tolerate i am, because his two exs couldn't even take three spanks without starting to cry. So im kinda proud. I would do anything to make him happy.
I know this thing it's not only a turn on for him but also a stress-relieving because he works really hard, and has a stupid demading boss. I can tell if he had a bad day just for the way he spanks me.
Sometimes when we're having sex, he likes to demand me to do stuff, makes me naughty questions and i have to answer with yes sir or no sir.

The thing is, i saw something on Tv once, they were talking about an abusive relationship. They said it was abusive because the guy use to spank his wife with a belt too, and with her consense, but since he couldn't control himself anymore he started to beat her up until she lost her senses... They said it was very common this to happen in relationships, the women think it's ok, everything it's nice first, and then their in a trap and can't differentiate what's good and what's not. 

I trust a lot in my boyfriend, and he never hurted me or did something i didn't want. He's always very calm, patient, sweet and a really good person. But I don't want my boyfriend to bring what we do in the bedroom to the outside. Sometimes i think about it, i don't want to end up in an abusive and unhealthy relationship. Do you think it's possible? Should i worry?

redeyemindtricks · Accepted Answer

First, don't let the haters talk the sense out of you.
There is a VERY clear, VERY bright, VERY black-and-white line between abuse and consent. It is obvious that you are well aware of that line, and it's equally obvious that yr relationship is on the correct side of that line.

If yr relationship ever seems to be teetering dangerously close to that line, then you need to monitor that, and be unafraid to be proactive about it. But, that's unlikely. Very very unlikely.

Yes, SOME bdsm relationships progress to genuine abuse -- but, the vast majority of those were rooted in abuse from the beginning. Those were predicated upon an unhealthy exchange of power. Upon one party simply taking advantage of the other, from day 1. THOSE are the ones that turn abusive.
Because they don't even "turn" abusive -- they just ARE abusive. Call a spade a spade.

You have the basic self-awareness thing down. That's normally enough. And in the unlikely event that it isn't, you'll be able to see the warning signs well ahead of time, because you are self-aware and also relationship-aware.

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A thread in which I defend yr kind of proclivity, and tell the haters to piss off:

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1842172-guys-would-you-slap-choke-or-whip-a-girl-if-she-asks

You, and yr relationship, are perfectly totally one hundred percent normal.
Ok, maybe like 99.99 percent, but that's good enough. (:

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My dialogue with another young woman going through the same getting-to-know-self:

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1842054-what-s-the-freakiest-porn-you-ve-ever-seen-what-was-your-reaction

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Oh, and? I was THISfuckingclose to just throwing myself out there in the street, out there in gangland, just in the vaguest hope that SOMEONE would give me what I wanted. What I needed. When I was like 14. Only reason I didn't? My daddy had a strong, strong hand.

... And THISclose again, mid 20's. Int'l modeling career, other businesses, yep, totally on the brink of throwing that all away. Only reason I didn't? I met the man of my dreams. The cold dark hard-ass fiery shit-out-of-society's-ass man of my dreams.

This need, of yours... It's a NEED. A strong one, too.

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The ONLY thing I don't like, here, is that his bedroom behavior is affected by what goes on at work. That's not real dominance. That's his boss being the dominant, and him just being a conduit. Not good, not good.
This is something worth talking to him about. The whole point of being the dominant is that he's supposed to be the dominant. This doesn't mean he has to be a perfect pillar of impassiveness, but, being a conduit of frustration caused by others ≠ dominance. Talk to him about it.

Keep ya head up, girl.

mooky06 · Accepted Answer

Umm, well the get go here is that you can tolerate the pain because your so use to it. I know that you want to make him happy, that's cool, but bare in mind that you shouldn't be in pain to give him happiness.. (Belt on ass pain). But look if you like it and he likes it.. Win win situation right?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

If you feel like you are in control of this situation and can tell him to stop and he will stop, then you are okay. If you feel okay with his spanking you then it's okay. As long as he is not aggressive towards you, or hits you in any way that makes you scared.

FemWorship · Accepted Answer

All that shit he takes has to run downhill ASAP to tolerate it all - good for him to keep his job to support you two but not trading up to a better job questions his IQ & drive.

There are other ways to dispel shit at work, like you both go workout together, then dine at home, massage each other.

TV is correct, even he knows not WHEN it will turn ugly but even role playing "abuse" couples report that night when things turned ugly enough for her to break & run, never look back. I remember one trigger was that she got a grand promotion and he felt inferior with fears she would not leave him. They got celebrations drunk & he decided he would show her who was superior to whom. Scary.

AustinMan · Accepted Answer

This does not sound like an abusive relationship. While you are indeed sustaining superficial injuries, you find the process erotic as does he. I see no reason to change anything. You might buy him a thin paddle to use. I may sting like crazy but it won't likely leave as bad a marks.

www.aliexpress.com/.../1788713028.html

DivaMonae · Answer

Not if you consent to it... But of probably would've been when he first started because I'm sure it did hurt at one point.

Hotwifebecky · Answer

Not at all my husband as spanked me for years. It’s abuse when he hits you with his fist but a spanking on the ass is not abuse

BumbleDeev · Answer

Well it sounds just like a BDSM relationship to me. Maybe you should talk to him about it to make sure that this just stays in the bedroom and that you guys come up with a safe word (if you don't already have one) and everything

shark21 · Answer

probably not. though if your ass bleeds you should tell him not to hit that hard it should hurt to sit the next day but not bleed though you've probably gotten used to it it's all good

LovelyComputerVirus · Answer

There's a fine line between BDSM and abuse, but it sounds like you're both doing a good job of staying on the right side! I say of you like it and it's not hurting anyone, then it's your choice.

reptocarl · Answer

If you don't think it is then that's all that matters

VirginiaBeachBum · Answer

"I know this might sound awful, but i like it, it turns me on. It's our thing." You consented. It's not abuse. And it's not awful. Not my thing, but not awful.

meatballs21 · Answer

You consent and it turns you on, so it's not abuse.

Katy16 · Answer

If you like it and consent to it then it's fine

XxLumierexX · Answer

not if you like it^_^

jacquesvol · Answer

It sounds like the beginning of a bad life.

mrsingle · Answer

I would spank a girl but not until she bleeds, only a little for slight pain. It worries me he does this to take his frustrations out. If you told him to stop would he?

HentaiMaster23 · Answer

If you like it, and he likes it,, it's not abuse

OrdinaryGentleman · Answer

lol sounds haut. Anyways not abuse. Im impressed tho. I have to question one thing however... is he spanking you out of enjoyment or to de-stress from the day? one would mean fine, but if he purposefully hits you to let stress go away i would begin to draw the line. thats me tho.

Krista7 · Answer

I think you're okay. Just a little BDSM

RationalMale · Answer

so, you agree to a consensual activity that gets you wet and you're wondering if it's abuse...  girls be crazy these days

Milesjoe · Answer

You should give him the belt some evening just see how he feels.

blondfrog · Answer

Not unless you like it.

Daniel3035 · Answer

It depends it seems like your happy and if you said stop and he does there's no issues. A bit of concern with bleeding though it's a bit too far you shouldn't bleed, bruises are fine though.