Boyfriend basically can't have sex. Looks up nudes on the internet is this a good reason to be upset or dump him?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend was in an accident around four years ago which left him paralyzed waist down. He gets random erections at times but not long enough to sustain sex. I've been with him for two years and was his first girlfriend after his accident. I did and do have a lot of guys going for me but he was just so kind and smart no one else stood a chance. i do get hit on a lot and am by no means unattractive. But it took him almost a year to initiate sex with me he told me it was cause he wasn't sue if "it would work" cause he hasn't ejaculated or anything since. He also is tired all the time and passes out in bed. What made me feel really unattractive was when i saw he had looked up girls im bikinis and saved their pictures. They were all big busted and im only a b cup which made me hate myself. but here's the other side. My boyfriend sets an alarm for himself to wake me up for class, texts me good morning goodnight texts, calls me daily, shows and talks about me to all his friends and family, lets me go on his phone all the time ( I've never found him flirt, cheat with a girl he's just been looking up pics of nudes) tells me im beautiful and dont need bust implants (even though he looks up girls with big busts all the time and saves their pics) etc. so he is good and bad. I border line hate him when i find shit he looks up and saves. I've considered dumping him multiple times. Should i be this upset? What are your thoughts on him?

[Lightspeed-Lemon]

I'm writing something about this right now, but the gist of it basically is that guys, to some extent, seek variety in women. This instinct may be nature's way of trying to maximize the male reproductive potential. But what he looks at doesn't necessarily reflect what his ideal type is. For example, if a guy's partner is small breasted, which happens to be his preferred type, he may still look at other body types occasionally, simply because they are "other" (ie. unfamiliar) and for that reason interesting and stimulating to him. In a similar way, a girl who's with a quiet, sensitive type of guy - who she honestly prefers - might still read novels or erotica featuring much different male love interests. Spaghetti may be your ultimate favourite food but if you had to eat it for every meal, you'd soon be wanting something different.

If it bothers you that much, you should tell him rather than simmering in silence. Just know that it doesn't mean he loves you any less, finds you unattractive or prefers those other types to you. Also he's not doing it behind your back or lying about it at all. And any lack of sex most likely has to do with his catastrophic injury. So if he is a good boyfriend in all other ways except this, you should give him another chance.

[genuinlysensitive]

It sounds like he is trying to see if he can get erections, hence the pics. Did you talk to him about it?

If he can't get it up, there are still options. Oral, fingering, toys. If you really love him other than sex, you should give it a shot.

[BuchitaBuchys]

But then wouldn't that mean he's not getting up to her? He needs sexy women to get an erection because he doesn't find her sexy enough? That's what it sounds like.

[genuinlysensitive]

She said they were random if I read it right. Even though he clearly finds her attractive, the injury prevents him from getting one.

[Asker]

He has random erections , sometimes he'll get it sometimes he won't. With pills its the same. He can take a pill but it mite not work it mite at other times..

[vmw2008]

It sounds to me like he's struggling with his new sexual identity since his accident, and hasn't quite figured out how to cope. There's a good chance he's looked up pictures of women who are hypersexualized, hoping it would trigger a response down there. My guess is it's NOT because he doesn't find you attractive or finds them more attractive. He's experimenting with how to be sexual again, and it's likely for you.

Be careful how you approach this topic. Whether he shows it or not, I'm sure he's embarrassed, frustrated, and maybe even depressed over his situation. A lot of a man's identity is in his sexuality (ours too, we're just less aware of it). If you decided you want to break up with him because you need a more normal sexual situation, then that's one thing. But if this is about some nude/bikini pictures, I think you're worrying over nothing.

[samhradh_leannan]

Tell him everything you told us. Let him know that while you understand that he's in a difficult position and can't control his predicament, you are in a difficult position as well and you are giving up certain things (i. e. a normal sex life) in order to be with him. Explain to him that because you're not able to share a normal sex life with him, that makes it extra hurtful that he looks at other women online. Ask him why he feels the need to do it, and how he sees sex with you. Then see if you can come to a compromise that will improve your sex life with him.

[SarahsSummer]

From what you've written, there is no bad. Guys are always gonna look at and like pictures of other women. So the bad, if you want to call it that, is your insecurity. He seems loyal, loving, attentive complimentary and caring. Pretty much the most important qualities a guy can have. If you can't handle his paralysis, then admit that. If that's not the problem then try to enhance your sex lives together. If porn is needed, use it.

[tinyclit]

When you say he can't have sex, does that mean you guys can't do oral sex on each other? You can't enjoy sucking his cock and swallowing his cum? He can't lick your clit and make you squirt and orgasm?

[Asker]

well he doesn't get erections that often and he hasn't cum ever since his accident. we do have oral sex but most nights and days he just passes out in bed because his disability makes him extremely tired.

[Bobba_Fett]

You're gonna break up with a man you describe as " ... so kind and smart no one else stood a chance." because he downloads bikini girls and likes to have something pretty to look at when you're not around? The guy doesn't cheat on you, beat you, put you down, or scream at you in any way?

Before you go making any decisions, you should take a couple polls on this site. Just to gauge how many men still use porn while in a relationship. Maybe one or two polls to see how many just have pics of pretty girls on their phones.

Basically any poll that will tell you what you're about to dump, what seems to be a great guy for.

[Danburry_elect]

Look guys will always look at pictures of women. Why do you think porn is so rampant on the Internet? Why do you think the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue is so popular? Guys look, we are visually motivated it's what we do. So if you are looking for a man who never looks at a girl in a bikini online or never looks at Playmate of the month, honey you are being way too unrealistic.
BUT - if his looking overtakes his time with you, tjen it's an issue. It should be 98% trying to screw your brains out and cherish your body and 2% hey-I-wonder-what-Angelina-Jolie-looks-like-naked. If it's not that then dude has a problem and it's time to move on.
If you are looking for a man who never looks at a girl then you will probably need to send constant pics of yourself daily in various stages of undress, lingerie, swimwear, sexual acts, dress up, etc. or come to realize even then he'll probably still look around occasionally to see those leaked photos of Jennifer Lawrence. It's not a slight on you , men always have been and always will be visually motivated.

[BertMacklinFBI]

there's always oral sex if you don't mind getting off that way.

dumping him for a couple nude pictures though? i mean have you even addressed how you feel about it to him? cause if you haven't, then wow impulsive af.

[Asker]

I have and he hasn't saved them since (at least i couldnt find them) he promised he wouldn't and deeply apologized. But he has looked them Up just didn't save

[BertMacklinFBI]

then address that if its still upsetting you. i mean, this is like a losing battle for you, to try and control what he can do and cannot do, especially since the guy is already paralyzed from the waist down, it's like wow, he must feel like even more shit that his girlfriend is keeping tabs on his "porn" activity. but if you can't live with him looking up bikini girls who have bigger boobs than you then stop trying to control him and just break it off unless he is willing to completely stop for you, but still, that doesn't seem right. he shouldn't have too.

[GingerGuy]

Guys are visual, you can't take it personally because I can almost guarantee it has nothing to do with you. It's obvious he cares for you. Having said that though if you express your feelings to him he should respect them enough to remove the pics from his computer and not look at them when you're around. Have you told him how you feel?

[Cusco_Othriyas]

I think he's trying to train himself to stay erect. Weird, I know, but it's just a theory.

[Browneye57]

You are upset for the wrong reasons.
If you need or want a normal sexual relationship but don't want to hurt this guy, consider remaining friends but moving on relationship-wise.

That he's looking up nudes, big breasted or small, is relevant - he's merely feeding a fantasy. It has nothing to do with you.

[genericname85]

sex and orgasm is both entirely possible without the use of genitalia. where there´s a will, there´s a way.

btw: is he still able to cum from from normal genital stimulation? if that´s still "possible" but unreliable, it´s easier to recondition the be able to orgasm from the stimulation of other body parts.

if he´s such a great guy, he should still be into the idea of getting you off, even if he doesn´t benefit.

[genericname85]

*recondition the brain to be able...

[SleepingSnorlax]

No offense you are being too sensitive about having bikini girls on his phone
I understand the nude ones upsetting you but just tell him it bothers you
Also I don't know how it works will paralyzed people but he could take the pill to get it up or use a penis pump
Talk to a dr
If you do break up with him deffinantly under mo circumstances bring up anything about sex your his limp dick... it will mentally destroy him...

[hotstuffSRD]

He seems to be a genuine guy and i think you shouldn't dump him instead talk to him about those pics
Ok?

[Benk111]

Have you discussed the possibility of an open relationship if he can't sustain an erection long enough for sex.

[Asker]

yes :/ and he said he would get too jealous so that was a no

[69robbiee69]

no reason to b upset

[Anonymous]

He Is Not Comparing You To The Girls He Finds Online.
Don't Be Upset With Him For Looking, He Is Just Looking! If He Is Cheating That Is One Thing, But If He Is Just Looking, Don't Let It Bother You! They Are Just Pictures.
Don't Let His Actions Make You Hate Your Body, I Am Sure He Loves Your Body, Sounds To Me Like He Loves You!

[Anonymous]

Break it off. More or less going with out sex for her has to be really hard to begin with and then getting the feeling that even though you don't turn him on other girls can... that may emotionally cripple you at some point. Break it off.

[Anonymous]

it depends. whats bigger your love or your ego? he can give you more oral to get you off.