I'm black and I think I have a fetish for black people?

Anonymous
okay so I'm a dark skinned black girl and all my life I've been made fun of it by other black people so I vowed to not like my own ethnic cause I didn't want the possibility of falling in love with a black guy, having black kids, and having them made fun of the way I was made fun of. I realized that vow was idiotic years ago but I still had trouble dating black guys because a lot of then weren't attracted to me because of my skin tone and facial features. So I've always dated other. Three weeks ago my white boyfriend dumped me after a year of dating. I wasn't hurt because I saw it coming but ever since then I've had this really weird obsession with black guys. Like I don't pay attention to anything bad about them because I'm so attracted to their skin. It's gotten worse over the past four days and I find myself crying and orgasming at staring at this particular black guy from his beauty. The weird thing is he's 54 and some ex celeb. I don't know what I see in him but I can't control myself. This has never happened to me (this is coming from a girl who cried because I had a poster with Zac Efron & Troy Bolton on separate sides) and I'm REALLY confused, any advice?

(I've always been against racial fetish and people claiming to never wanting to date a specific "ethnic")
I'm black and I think I have a fetish for black people?
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