Sexual Relationships
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If he wants a threesome, does that mean he doesn't love me?

My boyfriend really wants to have a threesome. He tells me he loves me and wouldn't want to be with anyone else. He is sweet to me and is basically wonderful to me, but lately he's been talking a lot about having a threesome. He's never had one before (and neither have I), but I'm not attracted to women, and I would get sooo jealous if we ever had one! I told him I'd be willing to do anything else, but he seems really stuck on this. I don't know if it's a deal-breaker or not, because he told me he thinks I will want to someday. I told him that it makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him, and he says that it doesn't mean that at all, just that it looks like it would be fun, and that it's every guy's fantasy. What should I do? is there any way to compromise? and should I be offended by this?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I can not speak for him. It would be very dishonest for me to assume to know his mind, emotions, or intentions.

    What I can do is speak for myself.
    I would only have a threesome if I was with a girl I loved. The idea is to being in something fun for us to both enjoy together. So I disagree with the worry that any want for a threesome automatically should be assumed to mean lack of love or respect.

    It is, indeed, most (or at least, many) guy's fantasies. But, at least in mine, it is about all of us having fun, and half of what gets me off is my girlfriend being able to explore another woman, while I get to watch. But that brings me to my last point...

    While I understand why he would desire one, part of a healthy relationship is respecting what your partner would not be willing to do. You do not feel sexual desire for other women. a threesome with another girl holds nothing, or at least, very little, for you. If I were him, despite being bummed out, I would respect that. If she doesn't want it/enjoy it, then it isn't fun for me.

    I would suggest that his fantasy is healthy, and that nothing about it suggests a lack of respect or love, at least, not intentionally. but you need to make it clear to him that if there is something you are not willing to do in bed, if your relationship is to survive, he must respect that (just as you must respect it if there is something you want that he is unwilling to try).

  • "wouldn't want to be with anyone else" = "wants a threesome" ? mmmmm
    That's not much of a sales pitch... nor one most would even consider buying +
    he wants #3 to be a gal & you don't care for that

    The best way out of this BS mess is to promise him
    "someday"
    Never say never, right? Who knows what might pop up "someday"
    and as we all age, you gives a damn about doing weird things, unwise & risky... not to mention the risk to love

    If he keeps pressing, then it's moot if it's a deal breaker to him... it becomes a deal breaker to you... this deal that's all about him and more important that what you want and your love

    Offended? No, just disappointed you are linked to a sophomoric asocial nymph that should be thinking of unique ways to make you cum over & over

Most Helpful Girls

  • no need to be offended~ most men fantasize about threesomes, for obvious reasons (twice as many hands, boobs, tongues, etc.).

    the thing is, if you're going to go this route, both you and your partner need to be secure and confident, both in your relationship and in yourselves. if one partner is jealous or insecure, but goes along with it anyway, this experience will likely end the relationship.

    my experience; when i was your age, my (now-ex) partner arranged a threesome with another girl, assuming that it would be like in porn~ both of us focusing all of our energy on him. but the other girl was bisexual, and she was way more into me.

    since my ex was an insecure guy to start with, he craved validation and couldn't deal with the fact that the other girl liked me better. our relationship soon became infected with his insecurity~ he stopped taking me out in public because "people always like you better", and he started drinking alone/going to random women's houses and other shady stuff. we eventually broke up, and i was relieved.

    there's no real way to compromise~ either you're into the idea, or you aren't. but definitely don't do it if you're unconfortable with the idea, and he should respect your wishes as well.

    either way, good luck :)

    -von

  • In my opinion, if someone in the relationship wants to bring someone else into the bedroom, it means one of the partners in the relationship isn't enough for the person wanting a threesome. And it is definitely not every man's fantasy. I'm not saying your man dosnt love you, but the man who is your perfect soulmate---he would never impose a threesome unlike you were both enthusiastic about the idea.

    • Unless*

    • Have you had a threesome?

    • Yes, but I was the addition to the party. No way a threeway gonna happen in MY relationship lol

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 14

  • No, that doesn't mean he doesn't love you. Threesome is a common male fantasm. It is not a bad idea, it has many benefits for both (I read an interesting myTake about it but I cannot find it anymore...). It's really just an experience, a fantasy. There's no deep implications about it, he just wants to have sex with two women at the time - just to try. Give him that one chance, it'll be an amazing time for both of you!

  • Well I love grapes but I want some apples some times, but I still loves grapes.

  • It's just a fantasy. If your not sure... don't do it. How does he feel if it was with another guy?

  • You do what you feel is best for YOU not him. If you don't want a 3some and he can't stand not having one, then tell him that he's gonna need to find 2 more girls, not 1.

  • Not at all, it may be just his fantasy, but you can reject it if you want to.

  • Well, it means that he does not respect you! And believe me when I say that respect between parents is much more important than love itself.

  • Say yes... Then ask what guy to invite! ;) lol

    • Have you had a threesome?

  • If one partner is not willing to do it, there is no compromise on this. It shouldn't be done. My wife and I had a fair number of FFM and MFM threesomes. They didn't cause us any problems because we were both on board with the ideas and discussed it thoroughly beforehand. We also set down ground rules which we adhered to. But that said, they are definitely not for every couple, or even most couples. I'm not sure I'd be offended by the idea, but you definitely should not be pressured into doing anything you're not comfortable doing.

  • I don't think you should be offended at all. I think that the fact that he is telling you one of his fantasies shows that he really likes you. Is not easy to tell someone your fantasy, normally you are not confortable because you don't know how the other person will react, maybe the person will find it creepy and judge you, you never know.

    Now, if you don't want to do this just tell him. Sure, maybe some day, years from now, you will change your mind and want a threesome, but if you don't want it now just tell him. He will probably understand and respect your wish.

    And also, as he is thinking of a threesome with another girl, you could try and talk (just talk) about a threesome with another guy. Men normally don't like/want this kind of threesome for many reasons and if that's the case you will make your point and he will probably give up on the idea. But this is riscky because if he is ok with that this will backfire on you!

  • I feel your boy friend should respect your desire not to have a three some and not expect you to change your mind. I would not be offended at this point. but if he continues to push for it then yes.

  • test him by saying you will have one if he allows you to have a 3some with him, and another guy as well

    see his reaction

  • I would stick to your request to block the 3 some idea and if he takes it badly then he is a complete chop. There is no way you should be uncomfortable in your relationship

  • Yeah he still loves you just give it to him if you love him he'll love you even more after.

  • means he thinks your so amazing he's willing to share so other people understand how amazing you are because simply telling people "my girlfriend is amazing" doesn't really show how amazing your are

  • It's a curiosity sort of a try everything once sort of deal and it's not really about you being not good enough because he trusts you enough to tell you he wants this

    Also you may not be attracted to girls and that's normal but try having a little experimentation with one like one of your friends if you haven't already and I can guarantee you'll have at least a little fun

    And to compromise a condition could be that he has to finish inside you not the other girl

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