How to stop being a prude?

[Anonymous]

I'm 25, I don't want to be a prude but I don't want to be sleeping around with everyone either. I want to have an active healthy sex life and not be a prude or feel bad about it. I also don't want to have to worry about stds/ diseases /pregnancy!! that comes with having sex (whether it's often and/or with different partners). Yes, I know about condoms and birth control, but any other advice? How to stop being a prude yet have a healthy, open, active sexual lifestyle that is safe? It's about time I put myself more out there.

[sa230e]

Are you really a prude or are you a sexual person on the inside but afraid to live out that kind of lifestyle? A prude is someone who feels uncomfortable with sex and nudity in general.

If sexual things make you feel uncomfortable I think you should try to work on that somewhat alone before you bring someone else into the mix. Read some books on positive sexuality, sleep nude, explore your body, masturbate, read erotica, watch porn and gradually acclimatize yourself to your sexuality at your own pace.

If you're comfortable with your sexuality and you just want to share it with somebody else but you're afraid of feeling slutty or guilty, I don't think that's anything you can do to completely immunize yourself against that. Even if you have no moral problems with an active sexual lifestyle and it's what you really want, you are a product of your environment and female sexuality is still a taboo in many countries. That kind of stuff will rub off on you whether you want it to or not. So yeah, the first few times you do it will be awkward and you probably will feel a little bit bad about it because you've been taught to.

But I think the fact that you know the guilt comes from outside and not because you violated your beliefs will take the edge off it and every subsequent time you'll feel a bit better about it. Eventually you can deprogram yourself.

Of course it'll really help if you have an understanding partner who can reassure you. You're obviously stepping outside your comfort zone and you're going to be vulnerable so a partner who you're emotionally in tune with is hugely important. You don't want to someone who's going to pressure you or insult you or take advantage. Look for a person with similar ideals and beliefs about sex, if possible. Talk to them and maybe do some non-sexual things together to get to know them.

As for STDs and pregnancy, those are the risks that come with sex. You can minimize them, but you can't eliminate them and you always have to take thought for them. Planning ahead and finding someone you can trust will help put your mind at ease as much as possible.

[Asker]

Wow, thank you! This is one of the best and kindest advice ever! To be honest, I am not sure if I am a prude or a sexual person on the inside or just afraid to share my sexuality intimately with someone else; I think I am all 3 to some extent yet I am not. For example, I am quite comfortable in my own body and my sexuality (yet I still hold back). When I was younger I never masturbated or explored my own body, yet I did watch porn, read erotica, slept naked. I have never made myself orgasm so I decided after my last relationship, that I should work on this and learn to please myself... I'm still a work in progress. I've now tried masturbation but I don't allow myself to let go. (that's for my own sexual intimacy). Mentally, I would like to be completely sexually open and free and feel okay to sleep around with a guy if I am interested and like him/want to without any restrictions. Right now I think I can, however, that wasn't always the case in the past. Before I never used

[Asker]

to believe in one night stands, yet after my last relationship, I started to feel more open about them, but was still too scared to do it. Last year, after a few months of being single, I was out and got very drunk, I met a guy who I was extremely attracted to and went up to him to ask for his number... we ended up at his place and had sex... I was very drunk and was having a great time however halfway through, I felt very uncomfortable and I asked him to stop (in my VERY drunk state). The guy was so extremely sweet about it, I could not believe it. That was that, my first one night stand ever in my life. I was extremely shocked the day after! I could not believe the whole story and everything that had happened the night before. A week after, I had sex with someone, whom I felt I was actually "manipulated" or felt pressured to have sex with. I don't know why I did it. I wished I hadn't, but that was that. Then a few months after, I had sex with someone whom I thought "ah it's okay", it's

[Asker]

it's just fun... I was totally fine with that. I even thought about asking this guy and the first guy whom I had that one night stand with if they would like to be my "fuck buddies", because we both had a great time, chemistry, fun, and there were no feelings attached. But I didn't. After the 3rd guy, I realized that I was only having these "meaningless sex" with men because I was probably still emotionally hurt from my last relationship, since my old self would have NEVER done that. Even though I had fun with 2 of them, I figured I should stop sleeping around and focus on myself, emotionally heal and personal development. After all, I do not believe having emotional less casual sex with everybody is good for your health esteem over the long run so I vouwed myself to stop until I am emotionally ready again and to do it with someone I trust. Now, I met someone and I am really keeping him at an emotional distance, because I don't want to get myself emotionally involved.. I realized

[Asker]

that everytime, he brought up the topic of sex, I would be rather "shocked" or surprised or taken a back. And I don't know why! It's not like he is saying something weird or unreasonable but maybe rather personal (either about him or me) and I guess because it is taking me so offguard I don't know how to react and I shut out. So then he is surprised by my reaction and says I am a prude. The second guy who I slept with (the one i regretted sleeping with), also called me a prude while we went on a date. So I noticed that it is only when I am intimately getting to know someone I become a bit standoffish when it comes to sex and I don't know why. Where I now live is actually VERY liberal for women to have sex and be free, so I am rather the "reserved type" to some extent, yet I am not based on my other experiences. However, before these "3 hookups", I never fully went all the way with other guys unless I was in a relationship with them. So it is all very paradoxical. I've never given a guy a blowjob yet I almost

[Asker]

ended up in a threesome with a couple, we ended up in bed but I didn't have sex with them just kissing and fingering. I would like to have/try a threesome but I don't think I am still fully ready. I've also had sex/dated a girl, however I was also the same way as with the guys. No, I am not a lesbian, but I am open minded. But I don't know if I'm a prude, uncomfortable to some extent with sex or uncomfortable sharing my experience with someone else about sex, but I would really like to JUST be and feel free (physically and mentally) to do whatever I want sexually or think its okay to do without hesitation and holding back. I want to have a great healthy sex life. I've heard that it is possible and many people do have it, so I should be able to allow myself to have one as well. Sorry for the SUPER HUGE post, but got any advice? I really appreciated your answer, which is why I wrote this extra long reply :$ hehe. Maybe you're right and it's all just about the person and comfort.

[sa230e]

Thanks for the kind words. Much appreciated. Send me a private message and we'll talk about it. That way we don't have to write 9000 comments.

[lericah]

Well honestly be selective but not too selective, my minimum bar is friends with benefits or a relationship, and FwB's means actual friends not someone you know a little. All sex carries a risk but if your using condoms and birth control together and your only doing it with people you know and trust thats safe enough. Just have your criteria.
Do I trust this person to have sex with me and not betray me?
Do I consider this person a friend?
Do I know their STD status and their other partners?
Are we both using protection?

If it helps ask about Vasalgel it's coming out soon and has had great results for a decade in India.

[Asker]

Hi, that's great! Thanks for your response :)

[lericah]

glad I could help feel free to contact me if you need to talk, I saw your posts up above. You have a lot on your mind

[ksoma]

it isn't prudish to not want to sleep around with random people.
I would suggest finding a guy, or two, or even three, who you know, trust, and could see yourself sleeping with, but don't have interest in a relationship with, and set up a friends with benefits type situation.
I'm not a fan of promiscuity, but if you don't want a relationship, do want sex, and have no interest in hookups and one night stands, that seems the best/safest way to get what you need.
Just make sure the guys know about the other guys. Even with fiends with benefits, there can sometimes be the expectation of exclusivity.

[Asker]

Hi Ksoma, thank you for this very useful answer and solution. It's actually a very good one! I am just wondering, would guys in general be okay with that? Sleeping with someone who they know is sleeping with someone else? I would assume not really. Thanks again for your feedback! a very handy one :)

[ksoma]

I, honestly, would not be, because I'm not looking for friends with benefits. but a guy who is not looking for anything more than friends with benefits might be more open to it. technically, because it would just be friends with benefits, and not any kind of commitment, it's none of their business if you sleep with someone else. but it seems to me to be good manners to make sure that they guys knew that they weren't the only one, if they were not the only one.

[Asker]

Yes, fair enough :) Good point. Thanks again! Great response. I appreciate you taking the time to answer ;-)

[JuicyBrain]

It's called a dildo ! You should be safe enough then.

[Asker]

That's actually a good one! haha I didn't think of that. ... But... that's so lonely :( and probably cold hahaha ahhh... thanks for your answer!

[Answerdude]

Get together with a guy (one at a time unless you're feeling super adventurous) and make out maybe, get naked, fool around, give him a hand job, let him finger you. No STDs there. If you want to go farther, use a condom. If it's just for fun, nobody else has to know, do they? If you have guys that are discreet, you can fool around with one (or two or three or four) and none of them know about the others. It's your pleasure we're talking about here, not everybody else's, right?

[Asker]

Very good answer. Thank you! Having read this actually just made me realize that I am not a prude at all, but very/extremely discreet when it comes to my sex life (or talking about it). I have totally done these things you mentioned with someone before, however did not have sex with them. Thank you for your reply. Nice to see a point of view to something I did not consider before. I will take this into account for the future. =) I might actually try it out with a few people. Thanks! Very nice idea.

[DrKran]

Yes, sometimes our sexual side gets the best of us. You already got the safety part covered, now all you need is to do is wait for the right person to find you or you find them.

[Asker]

Thanks for your response!

[rene12345]

Im 26 and feel the exact same way,

[Asker]

You should read the guy's advice. They gave really good feedback! If you do not want a relationship but do want an active healthy sexual lifestyle, find a person or two that you trust and know well and ask them the following questions and whether they would be okay with it. Just make sure to keep it honest and up front at ALL TIMES and be ware/cautious of pregnancy, STDs., etc. Practice safe sex at ALL TIMES, condom AND birth control... With someone you know well and trust highly. The response of Lericah and sa230e were the best! That should help you out... However, at ALL TIMES, SAFE SEX, COMMUNICATION, and HONESTY is the most important, make sure that if you decide to go anyway, practice those at all times. You need to ensure your emotional well being is NEVER being compromised. :) Hope that helps! Take care.

[takumii]

You don't, only have sex with people you're in relationship with, you'll be fine.

[Asker]

But if I'm not and don't want to be in a relationship?

[IceEverest]

Find a good friends with benifits

[forthecauzz]

do as you please...