Sexual Relationships
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Please help me.. my boyfriend told me he has no desire for sex and it crushes me?

I really need advice or someone to listen.. My boyfriend is paralyzed from the chest down and has no sensation so no, he cannot feel his penis. I was his first girlfriend after his accident and it took ten months to talk about sex. He told me he didn't know how because he never successfully masturbated (he can't feel his penis and he doesn't get hard and long enough erections. So we tried, and I loved it. sex is a lot about emotional intimacy and feeling wanted for me, and i told him this. but, after a while he started passing out in bed like usual, no sex, no nothing. Then, I found busty lingerie models on his computer, as well as him searching for certain busty models. I know you guys are about to say that "that's just a guy thing, I know. But It's also a "guy thing" to want to have sex with your girlfriend. So it's not the pictures itself that bother me, it's the combination of him glancing at other girls while he's with me + his history of saving other bustier models pictures + him searching for girls with particular body types + HIM NOT WANTING TO DO SEXUAL THIGNS WITH ME that makes me feel insecure Don't get me wrong, he is a sweet guy. Calls me to wake me up, before I sleep, always there for me puts my pic as his phone background etc. I told him everything I wrote here yesterday, and he said the truth is "sex, with anyone, is zero interest to him" he told me it's embarassing and humlitating that he can't make "proper love to me and that he has to juts lye there.." "the pictures having nothing to do with me, I never wished you looked lke any of them, I do it because I can't disappoint pictures" Then, he told me him looking at other girls and pictures is just a guy thing and that he looks at my pictures as well all the time (which I don't beleive..) We work through every problem we have faced, but we have no apparent solution to this problem.. Please give me some advice :'( I'm heartbroken.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • A huge part about sex for guys is a feeling of power and confidence you get, knowing that you're drilling this girl (or guy i suppose, ew) so hard right now, and she's just loving it. There is a dominating aspect and a strong strong need to feel power during sex for most guys.

    If you are massively insecure as a person, 100% unhappy with your physical appearance / physical stature, I can see how feeling emasculated (check google, it means feeling like your manhood is stripped) would lead to a really low sex drive.

    He is probably being honest when he says that pictures can't be disappointing, he probably just thinks of you as a godess and can't imagine such a monster (himself) getting off with you watching.

    I'm already stretching to imagine what he feels like (none of us probably can), but I would venture to guess that there is some way you can work with his insecurities to still bring about a) a healthy relationship and b) some normal sexual activities. Maybe try looking at pictures with him? Try fingering yourself in front of him, try jerking off his limp dick while you finger yourself, I don't know, anything to make him feel secure and more normal and bridge the gap between how he actually is and how he feels he is.

    Just more than anything try to be understanding, he sounds like a hallow shell of a man and you could do to put aside your selfish sexual desires and work with him on a more personal non-sexual level to feel better about himself before you get too far down a rabbit hole.

  • I'm gonna give some advice based on a similar problem in my past. If he is indeed looking at the pictures for sexual reasons, you could try to ease him into sharing that with you--either both of you looking at them or you helping with whatever sexual activity he does while looking at them. However, the reason he gives for looking at the pictures ("I can't disappoint pictures") makes me think that this is a deeper issue.

    I'd ask him if he thinks he's disappointing you and--more importantly--WHY he thinks he's disappointing you. It may be because he feels like he can't please you (which he clearly can, based on your story). It may be a deeper reason attached to either his disability or lack of experience (or both). In either of these cases, encouragement should help--be gentle, and don't force him, but tell him he makes you feel good and such.

    There is also a third possibility that I'm mentioning simply because most wouldn't necessarily think of it: he may very well be asexual. If this is the case then you've got a whole other ballgame to play.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I don't really think there's a 'solution' to this issue, aside from you simply coming to terms with the fact that he can't fully engage in sexual activities with you, but that he still will enjoy to look at erotic pictures of other women. Which is something done by 99% of fully-able men, whether in a relationship or not. The difference being that, in your case, your boyfriend can't offer you any physical validation, or anything more than simply telling you that you have no reason to be concerned.

  • I totally see where he's coming from, like my ex would masturbate all the time EVEN if I was in the other room, he just said that masturbating and I guess in this case your boyfriend looking at photos-- they don't require a connection. Unfortunately you have done all you can do, you tried and you loved it, however his mind is not in it and you have to think about if this is what you want to deal with 4 years down the road, very little sex.

    • You... had a boyfriend... who would jerk it in the other room? Were you denying him sex at the time?

    • @LateNightss No. Why would I be denying him sex if I was the one who was wanting it all the time lol

    • Wow well that's mind blowing to me because you're extremely beautiful and a well mannered lady and any guy would be lucky to have you. In other words, you'd have to pry me off of you with a shovel and my palm would never get love from me again.

    • Show All

  • Yeah that is kind of crappy. He is only thinking of his self. Sex and feeling special is important to you and it doesn't seem like you are going to get it from him I'd walk. Tell him you love him but you just can't do it anymore.

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 5

  • I don't think this is that bad. It's just that you will have to start to look outside of the box when it comes to pleasuring him. I do think he is lying about not wanting sex with anyone though. Additionally, I don't think the disability is making him lose interest in sex (because this is not a mental disability, it is a physical disability).

    The problem I have encountered is that some girls think that sex is all about them. The truth is that guys think about all sorts of things during sex, many of which don't even involve the girl they are having sex with.

    You might need to start being more open with exploring letting him look at whatever he pleases while you pleasure him. This would only further his attraction to you.

  • Are you flat?

    • Im more of a booty girl. Im a 32b so pretty small chested :/

    • Why not let him look at the pictures during sex?

    • Thats degrading, (ask any girl how theyd feel if their boyfriend looked at pics of other girls during sex) and the issue isn't that he's not attracted to me, its that his disability makes him lose interest in actual sex

    • Show All

  • Mmm i think i get it he wants to even see if he can get it up again. Plus i think its good he looks, it means he's functioning like a normal guy and not a baked potato. Don't be too harsh on him or you, ask him calmly and nicely.

  • Sure, lets get into private conversation

  • Sorry, time for a new and different boyfriend. I know it's hard, but them is the facts.

  • Wait on him.

  • he can't feel it so fuck him while he sleeping lol

    • cheers

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Home >  Sexual Relationships  > Please help me.. my boyfriend told me he has no desire for sex and it crushes me?