How do people give up the craving for sexual chemistry/excitement?

[Anonymous]

Most relationship advice suggests to steer away from the desire for chemistry and not factor much sexual attraction or even personal chemistry into the equation. Also that the feeling wears off even if you do happen to have it. But what do people do to ignore that urge for it?

[Anonymous]

I mustn't have understood this as it sounds crazy to me, chemistry is partly just a feeling of compatibility.

Sure dating would be easier if I didn't have to worry about falling in love and compatibility, there'd be so many more people to choose from, but choosing a partner isn't like choosing an insurance policy - I can't reduce it down to just optimising a set of objective measures, I don't know myself well enough to even say what those measures would be :(

[gray_sailor]

Steer clear of that advice.

Chemistry is essential. It's just not the only thing that matters. Overall compatability matters too. But compatability without sexual chemistry isn't a romantic relationship (asexuals excepted of course) it's a friendship.

[Asker]

Why does so much advice suggest this?

[gray_sailor]

To answer your question. You don't give up a craving for the sexual content of a relationship. I am deeply attracted to my wife (age 51). That desire for her isn't going away any time soon.

[Asker]

That's awesome! How do you two keep the passion strong?

[gray_sailor]

I suspect that most such advice is written with the intent of deemphasizing physical attraction as being the only criteria for choosing a mate. There is a difference between deemphasis and elimination. That difference can get lost. My wife and I met on eHarmony. In June we will have been married for 10 happy years. The eHarmony approach gets all the compatability issues taken care of first so you don't waste time with people who are not a good fit. Everyone I was matched with had the potential to be a good wife for me. The communication and dating process revealed who also shared chemistry with me beyond merely being compatible. When I found her, I made her my wife.

[gray_sailor]

Thanks for the MHO.

[abundantlyrich]

Did you get told that? It doesn't sound like what they would naturally say.

[redeyemindtricks]

That's the shittiest advice I've ever seen. Srsly?

[OlderAndWiser]

I don't know what advice you have been reading but that sounds like the worst advice I have ever heard. NEVER compromise on love and that means insist on a partner who turns you on in body and soul!

[madhatters4]

i feel like you can and should have both. both sexual and physical chemistry/attraction in addition to all the other things

i think finding both is best recipe for a healthy long last relationship

[Mesonfielde]

It doesn't wear off. They are lying to you. Attraction implies genetic compatibility. Better offspring. I would not deny thousands of years of evolution in this regard.

[Soshy]

I've never heard such advice in my whole life

[TrustyGuide]

Chemistry is an essential part of a good relationship, I think. That doesn't mean you should expect to be head over heels (or heels over head... lol) crazy for your partner every day forever. Time, raising kids, etc. will naturally cool things down. But I would never advise anyone to suppress the desire to have a good sexual relationship with their partner!

[Anonymous]

I need to feel it.