Sexual Relationships
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Is it really rape if your in a relationship?

Ok so I'm 21 and my fiancee is 30 and we have been together for 7 Years... I love having sex with him but sometimes I just don't want to or I don't feel good or its that time of the month.. But he doesn't care for a while I fought back but its pointless. We've already spoken about it and he says that its nothing because when your in a relationship you belong to each other. What can I do to get some space? Like I said I love having sex with him but at the times were I'm not feeling it I really do find myself fighting and that more tiring then anything. Any advice
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Most Helpful Guys

  • IF YOU SAID NO AND HE FORCES YOU THEN IT IS RAPE... EVEN IF YOU ARE MARRIED!!! THE LAW BOOKS WILL AGREE WITH ME. that's what the "date rape" stuff is all about. if he can't accept no for an answer then he is just using you for a cum dumpster. by the way you don't BELONG to him you are and always will be your own person. if he is OWNING you now it will only get worse in the future. it isn't pointless. if you want out then tell him that you will file charges on him if he forces you to have sex with him ever again. then when he beats the crap out of you and rapes you again follow through and file charges. you need to find someone that will appreciate you and be an equal partner with you both in the public and behind closed doors but especially in the bedroom.

  • Domestic rape is a real thing. You wouldn't be posting your question if it didn't bother you. He obviously doesn't respect your wishes and that's quite sad to be honest. Too many women just accept it as a relationship agreement. If you wanted sex and he didn't, would you force him to? Imagine you could overpower him (hypothetically), would you just to have sex with him? If you wouldn't because you think it's wrong, what gives him the right to do it to you? A man who forces his gf/wife to have sex when she doesn't want to is abusive and speaks greatly to the type of person he is which is not a very good one. Speak up and put your foot down or get out of the relationship. If you do neither, you can probably expect worse behaviour in the future.

Most Helpful Girls

  • If he is making you have sex when you do not want to, yes that is rape. And his attitude that you 'belong' to him is wrong, wrong, WRONG! ... and a big red flag. It starts with coercion but where does it end? He needs to respect your bodily autonomy and your right to say NO.

    Honestly, I find it creepy that he'd even want to have sex with you when you're not into it. There have been a couple times my boyfriend and I have tried to have sex but I just wasn't into it and HE was the one to stop things and say he didn't want to do it if I wasn't feeling it...

  • So you say you don't want to, and he forces himself on you, whilst you fight him the whole time? He doesn't seem to be able to grasp the concept that just because you're in a relationship with someone, it doesn't mean they own you, so they can't just have their way with your body when they feel like it.
    I definitely don't think this is a good man to be in a relationship with, he sounds like a complete moron.

  • No matter what your status with a person, if you don't want it, it's rape. I don't know what would be best to do, but maybe the best thing to do would be to tell him exactly how you feel, maybe ask him to stop, and if he carries on doing it, it would probably be a good idea to break up with him. Because that sounds like abuse to me. Good luck. Hope all ends well.

  • He's a lying sack of shit by saying that it's not possible to be raped by someone you're in a relationship with.
    For the times that you've been not so into it though, or on your period, did you make it clear to him how you felt and that you didn't want to go ahead with sex that particular time?

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What Girls & Guys Said

16 27

  • YES!!! IT'S REALLY, REALLY RAPE!!! I think you need to tell him that his behavior is threatening the relationship. That you're together does NOT relieve him of the need for your informed consent to sex. It means your and his genitals are community property and only get used when BOTH of you consent to do so. Maybe tell him you're going to start pegging him and he has no choice about timing or the ferocity with which you forcefully ream his tight little rectum. Put the shoe on the other foot.

  • Well, the way i see it, there are two choices... you can either open you mind (and body) to know that he will want you and you just gotta take it... or cry rape.
    i can tell you something else though ( and this is just from my perspective)
    ask yourself, if you don't want it, and he goes on to another woman, would YOU like that? if your answer is "no", then you better open up girl... or take the risk.

  • NO MEANS NO.

  • Yes, it's still rape. My partner doesn't have the right to fuck me whenever he wants if I'm not okay with it, and I extend the same respect towards him. It's an issue if your partner thinks that he's entitled to you at any moment.

  • Its deffinitely disrespectful and not a very loving fiancé like attitude on his part...

    Id question if he respects me oreven loves me enough...

  • Any act of unsolicited sex is rape, whether that person is in a relationship or not.

  • You have a right to say no to anyone, regardless...

  • If you want to get married, you need to learn to accommodate each other and your needs.

    If you are thinking it is rape, your marriage is doomed from the start and you should not get married. You are not compatible.

    • She said she fought against him and he continued to have sex with her. How is he accommodating her in that case? Spouses should accomdate each other within reason, but sometimes you really don't feel like having sex, and forcing yourself on someone is a milion times worse than just not being in the mood

  • It's illegal... So yeah, still rape.

  • yes, if someone doesn't want to and it's forced it's rape. no matter who it is.

  • Even though you're in a relationship, that doesn't give him the right to disregard your wants or needs. He raped you, no doubt about it. If you don't want it and he forces you into it, it's rape. Either break up with him or talk to him about it in a way where he knows you're serious and that it's not okay to you. You have to really get your point across.

  • d00d you need to talk to some lawyers lol. educate yourself on the law and the legal boundaries around your predicament.

  • A 23 year old having sex with a 13 year old? Yes, that is rape.

  • Yeah, no. If you don't want to have sex then being forced to is called rape. If you're telling him no and that you don't want to then that's rape. If you're trying to fight him off, then it's rape. Relationship or not. He's raping you. Period.

  • There is a thing marital rape, even in marriage. But know that there's a difference between rape and sexual abuse and what's happening to you is definitely the latter, which can become more dangerous than rape. Wall him out dude, and quickly.

  • Yeah it sounds like rape

  • If you don't want it and he makes you... it is rape. Simple as that...

  • Legally you can have your husband arrested for rape within marriage in the United States, although, as a practical matter, it would require some degree of proof.

  • Yea that is still rape, relationship or not. If it's against your will it's rape.

  • Yes, it's still a rape. I just don't get this, if you have been together for 7 years and you are 21 and he is 30, did you get together when you were 14 and he 23? o. O

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