Sexual Relationships
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My boyfriend slapped me in the face then made me give him oral sex?

I'm 16 and he's 19, he told me before that his fantasies mainly revolve around the girl being submissive. Whilst we were about to have sex, he slapped me, then pushed my head down and made me give him a blowjob. I do this to him anyway, so why did he have to make me do it when I'd of done it anyway? He didn't really hurt me, but I think he got carried away with his fantasy and thought it would be okay to do it without telling me first. I'm kind of annoyed that he just did that because I wouldn't of minded too much if he'd discussed behaving like that before he did it. But he didn't. Thoughts?
0 1

Most Helpful Girls

  • See, this is why you should decide on a "safe word" for this kind of play, before you go into it.
    From the description you've given, I think I can assume you don't have a safe word (or didn't, at the time described). This is a problem that needs IMMEDIATE fixing.

    You understand the concept of a safe word, right? It's a word that, when uttered, IMMEDIATELY calls a halt to whatever yr doing, regardless of the situation or of its intensity. It's like that red thingy on treadmills that IMMEDIATELY brings the belt to a stop, no matter the speed or tilt angle.
    Ideally, a safe word should be something that you'd never say during hot sex anyway (like, I dunno, "macaroni"), because vibekill is actually the whole point.

    You should also have non-verbal equivalents of the safe word. You should have safe-gestures, safe-mumbles... absolutely everything, in case yr mouth is stuffed full, or yr hands are tied behind yr back, or whatever.

    Then, you should have ZERO tolerance for violations of the safe word. That's a level of trust that CANNOT be broken -- because that's the single thing that signifies that, if the situation progresses beyond a breaking point for you (wherever that point lies on any given day), he will actually stop.
    Zero tolerance means, if he keeps going EVEN ONE TIME after the safe word has been uttered, that's it yr done school's out go home see ya bye nice knowin ya.

    I mean, you should also have SOME sort of preliminary talks about this kind of stuff, but, at the same time, you'll kill the spontaneity if you try to chart out exactly every single thing that you will do ahead of time in exact detail.
    Hence, the safe word. Which allows spontaneity, while still guaranteeing that you will not be pushed past the limits of the day (which, you'll find, may gradually move).

    __

    Also... uh... there's a weird lack of detail regarding HIS reaction in the aftermath, here.

    I assume you FLIPPED THE FUCK OUT on him, no?
    Did you not?

    How did he react?

    Was he apologetic?
    Or at least... frightened and surprised? Even that would be good enough, tbh, because it would indicate a genuine misunderstanding on his part -- and that's all you really want to confirm, here. You just want to confirm lack of malicious intent.

    How'd you confront him afterward, and what did he do?

  • You seem extremely mature; I'm someone who likes being slapped and I am still horrified that he would do that. That is not okay. He has to ask permission and talk to you about it, otherwise it's abuse. He sounds like a dangerous person who doesn't respect you or what you want. It's okay to like submission. He wants to control you and force you to do what he wants. Don't let him take advantage of you and don't allow this to continue or he will get worse or think it's okay to treat someone else like that too. Be open about how you feel.

    • So you like to be slapped and you're horrified by people that do it?

    • @ShayanMortazavi1 If they do it without asking: YES!

  • Since you didn't mind it too much and really just want him to talk to you about it and tell you when he wants to do that sort of thing, then if I were you, I'd have that talk now and see how it goes. If he agrees and sticks to the agreement, then okay, you guys have fun, but if not, then hasta la vista baby, have the same talk with your next boyfriend in advance.

Most Helpful Guys

  • If he didn't do it that forcefully, i'm prepared to view this as him attempting to escalate to rougher sex, and judge whether you're fine, into it, or not into it.

    If you didn't like it, you should tell him even if you didn't at the time.

    If you were okay with it, but are concerned what he might surprise you with in the future, then say 'it was okay, but before you try something rougher, you need to ask first, because what if it hadn't been okay?'

    You might want to consider safe words or phrases he can use to ask what's okay and what isn't on a given day.

  • he watches a lot of porn.

    explain the boundaries and rules to him next time before proceeding.

    im gonna assume consent laws in your area is 16

    • I agree with this, actually. He's never been abusive towards me, however he told me that he's into rougher sex, which I'm okay with. But as you said I do need to tell him that I'm okay with it but I need him to ask me before he begins doing it. I think people are too quick to shout "abusive rapist" because if I thought he was like that even a little bit I wouldn't be with him.

    • if you're both into slapping for the rough sex aspect and if he had explained that prior to doing it, it would have been cool. he spilled the beans once, let's just hope he doesn't make a mess again.

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What Girls & Guys Said

15 22

  • That's not being submissive or dominant that's being abusive. DUMP HIM.

  • Next time wait til he is in a DEEP sleep, cuff him to a bed and then fuck him with a strap on hard, long and good! Make him think about sexual surprises☺ nah just tell him you don't like it and know one can make u do anything u don't want, he was just being a dick. I think he has some type of dirty fantasy going on here lol

    • Haha remind me not to get on your bad side xD

    • @zorro8888 lmfao shit get's real zorro. I'll go to sleep with no guilt either😂😂

    • I'd be sleeping on the couch every night lol!

    • Show All

  • If you even question his actions now leave him. He is only going to get worse the more you let him do it to you.

  • Why are you having sex with a 19 year old that slaps you. He needs to step back girl, fantasy or not, I don't buy that for an instance. If he can't control that then he can take to way to far and now he is an adult and you are still a minor.

    • I'm not a minor, 16 is the age of consent in my country.

    • Okay sorry about that but I still think you need to watch out if he can't keep the fantasy from real life under control that can be dangerous is all I'm saying.

  • He wants a submissive girl. So he wants you to just endure the pain and be intimate with him no matter what.

  • the fuck?
    what kind of messed up 'fantasy' is that?
    im also wondering why you'd go ahead with it if you found it annoying.

  • You should have slapped his dick.

  • They could and should be charged with statutory rape! Aside from that, the more you allow, the worse it will get for you.

    • The age of consent where I am is 16, it is not statutory rape if I sleep with someone over 18. But yes, I get what you're saying with the last part.

    • Where are you?

    • I live in England.

    • Show All

  • Just break up with him.

  • Like you said, he just wanted to carry out his fantasy, and he told you about his fantasy before, so given that you didn't say anything (I'm assuming you didn't since you never mentioned you didn't want to do it), he thought you were ok with it and wouldn't mind him doing it.
    Just tell him how you feel.

  • I always knew people would be mistaking abuse for "dominance". Too many abusive romance novels out there.

  • You should have slapped him back.

  • This is wrong on so many levels. He needs to discuss that kinda crap first. But second all you need to be very careful if this is the type of dominance he wants cause it doesn't seem like a sexual fantasy but genuine sign of who he is. you can't allow anyone to force you into this behavior it isn't ok. you dont want to give him the idea that it is ok and he can do whatever he wants to you.

  • Slap him back next time and see how he likes it.

  • That's kind of hot honestly. But if you aren't ok with it make sure you let him know

  • There is one thing to be dominant and another to be abusive. Sounds like he crossed the especially for you. Tell him your limit to submissiveness is at violence and if it's a deal breaker for him then move on.

  • Tell him how you feel! Don't let the behavior continue if you're not a fan of it.. How carried away did he get?

  • I guess having you be forced to do this was part of the fantasy. This would have been fine if he had discussed it with you before hand. Then you could have role played the scenario. However it sounds like it was non-consensual.

  • He is a porn-addict

  • Slapping a girl in the face for no reason is not part of the BDSM culture.
    My suggestion is that you should take that slap as a huge red flag and end the relationship now, before he becomes "carried away" again.

  • Show More (17)

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